Help me

[ericloca]

I came here hoping that I would get some help from the people on this site , because I feel like my life is worthless and I've been wanting to kill myself for some time now.

I had a very wonderful life until two years ago , when something in my relationship with my partner snapped and it affected me a lot . We've been together for about 4 years now , and I love him with all my heart , even if this is destroying me. He never cares about me truly , never actually listened to me , and ignores all the suggestions and opinions that come from me .

He is always putting the blame on me and always makes me remember that the bad things in our relationship happened because of me.

Three days ago , he had a very simple surgery , and he was in the hospital for two days . I offered to go see him because I really wanted to , but he told me not to , because I would bother him and his parents , who went all the way here to be with him for the surgery. He said they were scared so I shouldn't bother them , but nothing about me ,he didn't not even tell me that everything is going to be all right. or something , anything at all. He just talked about how scared his parents were. He just told me he'll call me when he wants me to visit him, after he gets out of the hospital.

For three days I've been crying continuosly , and the depression for which I was treated 2 years ago (also because of him) came back . I want to kill myself , I scratched myself on and on and on until I was bleeding , I couldn't sleep or eat or anything this past days. And I don't want to go again at the psychiatrist.

What can I do ? I do not want to break up with him , I love him too much... I want to die , so I wouldn't bother him anymore , but I am scared to do that.

Please help me !!!

[Kenzie76]

I see people have viewed this post but not answered, its not because people don't care, I think its because a lot of us don't know what to say.

 

You mentioned you have had treatment for depression in the past, I think it might be a good idea to seek help again. I have suffered from depression and know how dark it can seem when you're at your lowest.

 

Never ever think your life is worthless, everyone's life has worth.

 

Go and seek the help you deserve

[minou]

If the last psychiatrist didn't work for you, go to another one. If the last medication did not work for you, go to another one. Remember the good times and resolve to get them back. You have been good together before, perhaps you can be again. It's very stressful to have a partner who is very depressed and maybe he just needs this time with his parents in the hospital, without the stress of how you feel. Remember he is very sensitive to your emotional life, though he does not show it in positive ways. maybe he has reached a frustration level, just as you have. Keep the focus on yourself. find A CODA or Emotions Anonymous group near you to have a place to vent. Try not to consider him the one who can fix you. For now, just be glad you are not broken up. Look to the future. Focus on getting yourself better and try to keep the stress of your feelings out of the picture of the general relationship. Your life was once great. It can be again. A psychotherapist can also be helpful, but get those meds!

[J.Blunker]

This will probably seem a bit mean, but it's the sort of thing that helped me.

 

First off, forget minou, therepy and medication are just as helpful as weed or alchohol or ciggarettes etc...

 

therepy and medication are designed to help you COPE with your problems not SOLVE them, how else would people benefit from the business?

 

Second, this guy is playing with your head, you clearly care more for him than he does for you, and it doesn't seem like that is going to change any time soon. I know you're depressed and you want to kill yourself, but you have to realize that you have to suffer alot before you can really appreciate things. Id say the only reason you cling to this guy is because you haven't found anyone better, and if you don't change your outlook, you might not get the chance, forget this guy and realize that somewhere, there's a million guys who are just some hurt puppy dog looking to love someone. The way I see it, suicide is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, I would rather die alone, bleeding in the gutter with no friends family or home, because at least then, I would realize my own strength in living with that kind of thing. And I've considered it before, but then I realized that I've gone through this before and gotten over it, why should it be any different now? I'd say that the next guy who finds you would be lucky to have you, because through all the suffering you've done, you'd then have an enormous capacity for love.

 

Hope I was of some help.

[lostinthehaze]

Guys who don't listen are unworthy of hearing your words.

Since he failed to do the job, here: The surgery will be okay. Everything will be fine. Being hysterical is understandable. You'll both make it through this.

Focus less on him and more on yourself. It is only once you love and appreciate yourself that he can fully love and appreciate you.

[lostinthehaze]

Hey. How are you?

[ericloca]

I am sorry for the delay on my answer , it probably isn't important anymore , but i just wanted to thank you guys for your help , the problem was solved. I have no idea how , but he stumbled over this site and saw what I wrote and understood that he should change , for my and his sake .

He explained everything to me, why he was acting that way and all .

So , we both changed, we moved in together and everything is awesome now.

Thanks again.