Just turned 20, feel awful

[Frosted_Cherry]

Ok so I just turned 20 and man do I feel awful. Well the first thing that came to my mind was that "great, 1/4 of my life is gone and some people are way ahead of me" I don't know what to expect in life so maybe your input from the older folks here will do the trick

 

I am in college, finishing me 2nd year as a geology major, and I love it. Only problems right now, is that I feel my life is not on track the way I want it to be.

 

-I can't get an internship to save my life, let alone a job for the matter. I have been trying since January and still no luck.

-I am not doing as well as I feel I should be in college. My grades aren't as good as in high school and don't feel like they will be good enough for a career down the road. Right now it is a 2.8 but feel like it should be way higher.

-My best friend is dating my ex right now and I have told him that it is going to bother me (especially since nothing sexual at ALL happened and I know it is going to happen for them) I am going to get jealous, angry, and feel like I didn't do something right when I was in the relationship and can't do anything since.

-Lastly, I can't find a girl to guide me through my life, to catch me when I am in situations like this. I have tried with multiple girls but they just turn away. I have just tried with my friend of 3 years that just broke up with her lying BF and still she went back to him and now is ignoring me. Just crushed.

 

Can anyone give me input on life ahead? I would love any advice! Thanks

[Dako]

Only problems right now, is that I feel my life is not on track the way I want it to be.......

.......I can't find a girl to guide me through my life, to catch me when I am in situations like this. I have tried with multiple girls but they just turn away

 

I can see self-sabotaging in these two issues.

 

When you start college you're surrounded by people who identify themselves by their major. The course catalog and peer group often define their place in the herd, but life is way bigger than being on a fixed trajectory. Just enjoy the ride, even if you become something you can't expect.

 

Don't expect a woman to be your mother. It's time to guide yourself.

[preciousgirl82]

Well Im 28 years old, not much older but old enough to give you a bit of insight.

The bad news is, life doesnt get too much easier with age. The older you get the more responsibilities you have. Even relationships take way more work.

The good news is...its a very exciting time. You are only 20 years old. I wish i could go back to that age. I would do so much differently. Right now so much is in the palm of your hands. You have so much time to find the right girl. You should be having a ball just dating and meeting new people. As for your disappointment with school. I went into college the same way. College is a whole different ball game from high school. I think we all start off a little rusty. You might have messed up in the past but that doesnt mean you cant repair things and get the GPA you want. Just work a bit harder, spend more time in the library (you may meet a cool girl there) and remember these are the best years of your life but it is only as good as you make it. Enjoy yourself.

 

Oh...and your "best friend" isnt a friend at all to be dating your ex. Back away from him because apparently your feelings dont matter much.

[shes2smart]

Those ^ are not the real problems. For the most part, they are transitory situations and outside events you have little to no control over. Transitory situations and outside events you have little to no control over make up a good portion of the thing we call "life." Welcome to it.

 

However this > is a problem.

 

Fortunately, it's a solvable one. Because it has to do with what you think and how you choose to view things, it's under your control.

 

I also agree with what Dako said (especially that bit about expecting a partner to "guide" you...that's an awful lot of responsibility to put on someone else)...but those issues can also be seen as coming back to what you think and how you choose to view things.

[Nearbot]

Hi, I just turned 20 about a month ago! I felt like you, like I wasn't doing what I wanted/needed to be doing. I really didn't feel like I was doing anything at all D: Like you, my grades had slipped, no internship or job, friends SUCKED, etc.

 

I talked to a lot of older people about it, and they all said 19 and 20 sucked for them. They all said they did nothing productive. My mom said she felt the exact same way I was feeling. 19 was the worst year of my life, so it made me determined for 20 not to suck. So! All of this happening just recently, I cut the toxic friends out of my life, tried talking to new people (and I talked to the right person and ended up getting a really cool job that will look amazing on my resume D and joined a club in my town relevant to my interests. I didn't join this club a while back because the members were all pretty much in their sixties and seventies But I've discovered that they're all so intelligent and wordly! I love talking to them now

 

The summer just started for me, so that helps a lot. I have a lot of freedom now to do change things, and I'm looking forward to it Something that also helped was deleting my Facebook so that I didn't have to see what everyone else was doing. . .what I wasn't doing I have a ton of things planned now.

 

Your best friend doesn't sound like much a best friend if she's dating your ex and knows it bothers you. Try to meet new people And also, the last part about your friend going back to her terrible bf and ignoring you. . .exact same thing happened to me! I just decided to get rid of that girl. For a girl to guide you, how about your mom or a family member? Through all of this, I've learned that I can ALWAYS count on my family!

[Speranza]

Google quarter-life crisis. Rumour has it that it's hitting earlier these days.

 

It gets easier as soon as you realise it isn't just you...

[tigerfan88]

I felt the same way at 20, as well (I'm 21 now). I didn't have a job at that point, wasn't doing quite as good academically as I wanted to, and had broken up with my ex not long before that. Simply put, I was miserable.

 

So what changed? Well, a couple months later, I finally got a job working at my school. It was relevant to my major, so I was pretty happy. I threw myself into this job and ended up getting promoted at the end of the semester. I've now been at that job for well over a year and it's something I'll be able to keep until I graduate next May. The best part is, having this job has opened up opportunities in my field as it is really good experience. The other great part is, I no longer feel alone because I have some great co-workers who have become good friends of mine.

 

As for the relationship issue, honestly, give it time. Relationships tend to come and go at this age. My ex and I ended up reconciling, which was a terrible idea, as we only broke up again (this time being final). I'm now dating someone else, but even if it doesn't work out, I'll still be happy.

 

As for school, I threw myself into my studies this past semester. The results? I took 18 credit hours and finished with a 3.57 GPA--Dean's List. People thought I was crazy to take that many classes and work 18-30 hours per week, but it actually worked out great for me as it allowed me to focus on my studies rather than some of the difficult things going on in my life.

 

So my suggestions?

* Keep busy with things that you enjoy. It's better than moping around (and trust me, I did plenty of that)

* Take a courseload that you can handle. If you feel up to taking 16 credit hours, do it. People may think you're crazy, but if you know you can handle it, it's worth it. If nothing else, it will distract you from things that may bother you.

* Meet new people. Join a club, volunteer, the list goes on and on. Date casually if you feel up to it, but realize that even if you don't, you're still only 20 and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

* Keep applying for jobs and internships. Don't give up. I know it's discouraging, but you will find something at some point.

* Throw yourself into your studies. I truly believe that a person controls their GPA. If you study enough, you'll be rewarded with a better GPA. I learned that the hard way.

[iBroken]

Wait til you turn 30 - thats a hard one to swallow

 

20 is young....enjoy it and dont spend so much time worry about how much of your life you have lived. Concern yourself with how you have lived it.

You have 10 years to make the best of your 20's so that you can look back when you turn 30 and think "My 20's were great.....and my dirty 30's are gonna be even better

[Shallow]

20 is young....enjoy it and dont spend so much time worry about how much of your life you have lived. Concern yourself with how you have lived it.

 

No doubt. Your first 20 years are about coming to maturation. Nothing is expected of you except to live to be an adult and become somewhat independent.

 

You've done that quite well, so now you can work on the higher education, job, relationships, etc. The latter two probably won't be anything serious until your mid/late 20's anyway. Focus on the former, while still having fun and gaining valuable life experience. There's plenty of time.

[Frosted_Cherry]

I appreciate all of your responses. Great help and it got me past this feeling for right now