Is she overreacting?

[rebekah5764]

Here is the story. Yesterday I went out to dinner with a friend, Sarah. We have several mutual friends that usually hang out. I originally I thought it was just going to be Sarah and me but then another friend from the group, April, showed up (Sarah friend had invited her). Well the next day one of the other girls heard about it and got really angry saying that it hurt her feelings that she was not invited. I felt like she was totally out of line for being upset. I mean, we're all in our late 20's nearly 30's. This isn't high school. Do you always have to invite everyone? This particular friend has also been a little rude, not saying nice things lately so no I didn't really want to hang out with her yesterday. I guess my question is, if you have a group of friends do you always have to invite everyone every single time you do something?

[Celestialagape54]

I would say that yes she is overreacting. You are entittled to invite whoever you want whenever you want. Personally I think it is even rude of her to bring it up, I mean if I am not invited somewhere I take the hint "hmmm they probably did not want me there."

 

She's not your girlfriend or anything of that sort is she?

[hannah_k]

From the little you've mentioned, it sounds like either your friend has been feeling left out for awhile, or there's something going on her private life that you're unaware of that's causing her to feel insecure and, possibly, be a bit abrasive.

 

There really is no right answer to your question. You don't HAVE to invite everyone all the time. Some people might call it common courtesy, while others may say it doesn't really matter.

 

My advice would be to tell her that it wasn't a deliberate attempt to leave her it, that it was more of a domino effect and that someone just happened to talk to April before going out. Then, I'd mention that you've been feeling weird vibes from her lately and ask her if there's something up or if there's anything she needs to get off of her chest. You can be casual about it. If she continues to be rude after you show her a little bit of compassion, then at least you can say you tried.

 

Good luck.

[rebekah5764]

We're all just friends. I do know she is going through a rough time(divorce) in her personal life so I've been hanging out with her a lot...but sometimes I just need a break. And honestly, it wasn't even intentional. I also know that she hangs out with other friends all the time and I'm not invited on a regular basis but it doesn't bother me. I guess that's why this whole thing is annoying.

[Celestialagape54]

^^ I can see why she might have felt left out, she must be going though a tough time but it does not that she can also treat other people like dirt. I mean if we push away our friends who will be there for us when we need them?

 

Perhaps explain to her it was not intentional...

[rebekah5764]

Yeah, I did try explaining to her today but she just stomped off angrily without listening and I guess I'm at that point where I don't even care to discuss it with her because she's been acting like such a child. Maybe I should be more compassionate, but I don't feel like her divorce is enough of a reason for my life to have to revolve around her. I feel like thats what she expects.

[DN]

Being excluded hurts.

[Celestialagape54]

Divorce is really tough and painful I can understand where she is coming from....perhaps she feels that you have been a source of strength for her and now she feels neglected.

 

I know you say that your life does not revolved around her and granted but if you were in that situation how would you feel?

[hannah_k]

Rebekah, knowing that, it's a little different. If she's being difficult, there's nothing you can do about it. I wouldn't completely shut her out. Maybe just explain to her that she's making it difficult to be compassionate, but if she needs to talk and can do it in a civilized way, that you're more than happy to be there. But if she can't, that maybe she needs to do a little introspection. Maybe recommend a good therapist.

[Celestialagape54]

Rebekah, knowing that, it's a little different. If she's being difficult, there's nothing you can do about it. I wouldn't completely shut her out. Maybe just explain to her that she's making it difficult to be compassionate, but if she needs to talk and can do it in a civilized way, that you're more than happy to be there. But if she can't, that maybe she needs to do a little introspection. Maybe recommend a good therapist.

 

I agree with hannah.

[Maveric]

She's being a baby. She'll get over it

[rebekah5764]

Thanks for the advice. I know I should be more empathetic, but there are other issues besides just this one. I mean, she yelled at me in front of my other coworkers today over this one silly thing, which I thought was not okay. I'll still try to resolve things, but I want her to see my perspective as well.

[geekgirl4]

She sounds... kind of childish. She doesn't think things through but just throw tantrums left and right. I think you should tell her that she can come talk to you when she's being less immature.