apology letters to someone from the past - opinions?

[veralyn]

Main Q:

What are peoples' opinions on sending an apology letter to an ex from the past who is sooo over it but will probably still appreciate the admittance deep down (with no hope of reconciliation or even a reply, just to say sorry for your mistakes because you've grown, and you truly are.)???

 

 

 

Optional extended version :

(It's been a long time... A closure conversation is long overdue and wouldnt even have any value at this point... There is a probably irreversable tension between us due to accumulated lack of honest communication... But there was once a deep, genuine, infinite and mutual love. now it's time to move on just because theres nothing left at the moment to fight for. but I constantly find myself feeling guilty about selfish behaviour in the past. things remind me of it constantly and it does not feel like the time to try to win him back but simply the time to apologize and let it go. Not because I want to regain his opinion of me or his love, but because I genuinely feel terrible for once hurting someone I love(d) so much. I would not expect a reply. i just cant watch time go on and the distance to grow for dishonest reasons. it feels wrong, twisted, and like a waste of so many amazing years to leave it be with so many loose ends. i just feel that in the future, even when I am married to another wonderful man, there will always be this guilty thing inside of me, that tears up rather than smiles when I remember my ex..... he was my first love, y'know? I feel like it would be 2304975 pounds off my shoulders, that i could breathe again, clear my conscience knowing i at least finished it properly with what it deserved way too late rather than never, so that whatever happens in the future happens honestly and not based on these lies... and that deep down, even if he rolls his eyes and thinks "go away already", he will appreciate it...

 

i know i've asked kind of the same question before on ena, to whoever has read my threads! i know i know im sorry... it's honestly a progresion for me... im an indecisive lol and my feelings towards him change daily. some of them are irrational because im angry. some are indifferent because im tired of it. but the feelings that feel the most REAL are when i feel calm.. what i am writing right now. just sorry. im asking cuz my head says dont send it you'll look ridiculous, but my heart says send it it's what you mean and its honest so who cares what he thinks at this point you just need to forgive yourself and move on... how can i forgive MYSELF if the person whose feelings i hurt doesnt even know im sorry... maybe i am making this unnecessarily complicated? lol

 

xoV

[misssmithviii]

I actually asked this too a week or so ago

 

 

I'm going to write the letter when I feel ready and it will be geared toward apologizing, with no strings attached, no rambling and no excuses [to my godmother].

 

So, to answer your main question:

Just go with a mindset of accepting whatever response or lack thereof you receive. Remember it is for you above all else and expect nothing in return

[veralyn]

thanks again misssmithviii

this is how i feel too.

the only thing holding me back from sending it is that when i get ready to, 99% of people say DON'T SEND IT! lol. i still dont really understand why....

i know closure has to come from within yourself. but i've already let go of any hope. the only thing from the past im holding onto now is guilt. apologizing would help me let it go. not because i expect forgiveness. simply the knowing that he knows would put my mind at peace.

[misssmithviii]

If you're writing it to regain something or start a relationship or if it would affect you AT ALL pretty much, I would agree to keep NC. But if you're confident that you're only writing it for your own purposes and not to influence him/get him to think or know something/or whatnot, then there's no problem.

[minou]

Get it off your chest. It's weighing you down.

[JusticeLaw9]

Sometimes things are best left alone in the past where they belong. But I do understand you wanting to express some kind of closure to whatever happened. Nothing ever beats talking things out in person; I wish I would've been man enough back then to do what I needed to do, say what I needed to say. Closure letters sometimes work and sometimes they don't because they're long overdue. And if this one is long overdue, I think then perhaps it may be best to just leave it alone.

[britomart]

I sent mine. 2 years after the break-up. He's in a committed relationship with someone else. It was mostly closure for me and apologies for my selfishness at the time.

[Longview01]

I did this alittle while ago after recovering and reading through MSN chat logs from 2002/03 (I created a thread about it) and I wrote her a message on Facebook just saying that I was stupid, insucure and pretty nasty and I am sorry for the way i acted.

 

I also made a point of commenting on her BF and saying i'm happy that she is happy now and her BF was a really nice guy.

 

I didnt get a reply but to be honest I didnt expect one. I just wanted to get it off my chest.