Am i crazy or would this be a terrible idea?

[Casmut]

Ever since Monday when my ex said that she still loves me and cares about me and said that when she comes back to the east coast she would want to give our relationship another shot i've had a massive rush of emotions. I don't know if she is just trying to continue to string me a long or is actually serious. She hasn't told me what the real reason for our break up was, all she has said it wasn't another guy and that the distance was a part of it but that something did happen and is just not ready to talk about it. I get the feeling that she is waiting to see me to tell me what actually happened, but i am not sure if i can wait anymore. Her job is unpredictable and is never consistent, she said she might be back this month or the next but its only a maybe..

 

Ever since she opened up on Monday, i haven't stopped thinking about her. She has been real distant with me, almost as if she is trying to avoid me...is that normal?

 

I love her...i always have, even when i resented her. I saw my future with her, and i feel that if i don't make take the step nothing will happen. She has admitted to needing mental help, i realize that this whole thing isn't any easier for her either. I am in a much better place financially, i am willing to fly to the west coast..if even for a weekend if it meant a chance at reconciling. I'd go anywhere in the world if it meant reconciling, despite what she has done to me i really do love her. I want to ask her if it would be ok to go there, but i am unsure how she would respond. Or should i just show up without saying anything..

 

I don't know what to do, am i crazy for thinking this way? Is it a bad idea? Why is she being distant? Argh!!

[juxa]

How can you be sure if she isn't even sure when she's going to be around? I would wait until she can commit to something she says. (Actions over words)

 

Think of her as a ball girl in a tennis match. Wait until she actually gives you the ball before you even think about hitting it back

[Casmut]

I understand, but i just feel that if i don't act now i might miss my chance. Last year right after the break up, i gave up rather easily since she was ignoring me. Also i had other issues that were just making things so much more difficult to deal with. After the dust settled and things got better, i learned to never give up on the things i want..its like climbing, i won't give up until i solve the problem at hand.

 

With that said. I am in a much better place in my life where i can control the situation and take charge, i don't want to live with the regret that i missed the boat. The problem is, i just don't know if i am handling things the right way. I am acting on pure emotion at the moment and my thought process is a bit skewed.

[Casmut]

Well she contacted me today, she is going to be starting her first therapy session soon. I am proud of her, and i hope she gets better. This might sound selfish, but i wonder if the therapy will effect the possibility of us getting back together.

[minou]

Hey there Casmut. I definitely wouldn't recommend just showing up. However, if she said she'd like to give the relationship another shot when she moves back to the East coast, I see nothing wrong with asking her if she is up for a visit. After all, why should you keep living in such uncertainty? It's been so long! It would be better for you to stay in a hotel close by, so there is plenty of space. I don't see why she would say no if she feels that way, unless she feels she gained weight or something and wants to be in the best possible shape to see you. I'm glad to hear she is started therapy, I hope it helps her and the relationship as well. You clearly have really strong feelings for this woman. Wishing you all the very best.

[Casmut]

Hey there Minou, good to hear from you. I hope all is well.

 

I want to ask her if i can head on over, but i am afraid to do so because she is currently making some major changes in her life. Her current job is coming to an end and she will be out of work very soon, she might be coming back east because of it. She is also starting her first round of therapy soon as well. I am unsure if my presence will be a boon or a downer for her. At the same time she also said that as long as she is on the west coast, things might end up failing again.

 

The thing is, i am in a much better place than i was last year. I am more than capable of making the trips, and doing whatever it takes. I love her, and this time i won't give up so easily. I really want to see her, and i know we will see each other again and when that day comes, i am going to hold her and not let her go. I really am proud of the steps she is taking, she had a hard time admitting to needing therapy. Strangely enough i am the only person that knows about it.

 

I have a very tough decision to make, thank you for the well wishes.

[LoveSoDeep]

Hi Cas!

 

If she is just starting her therapy I would say don't just show up. Iknow you are hopeful taht therapy will bring her back to you but it will take time for whatever effect it does have to show.

 

If you want to ask her what she thinks about coming up for a visit then wait until she thaws out a bit and mention it casually...Are there other reasons you might go? If you do go you want to put as little pressure on her as possible and not make it obvious that you are "coming to try to sweep her off her feet".

[Casmut]

Yeah i want to handle this very carefully, it might be a bad idea right now because of her current state so i might have to wait a bit more longer.

 

Unfortunately i have no other reason to visit the area she is in. So if i were to mention something about being in the area she would know exactly why i was there.

[LoveSoDeep]

I thought maybe she was coming back to your area this summer? Or was that just a possibility?

 

I think you're probably right that you need to be very careful and give her some time right now as she works on herself. It's too bad there isn't another reason to visit her area...nothing huh? Not even a climb you'd like to try that would take you through her area? It is a little different to only go to see her and might feel like pressure to her so tread very carefully if thst's the way it has to be.