Am I co dependant, or in love?

[Kelly111]

I am 22 yrs old and my girlfriend is 31. I came to CA to visit her on vacation from PA about 2 yrs ago. We were just friends. We met in college when I had a life threatening eating disorder and was hospitalized, and she visited me everyday and pretty much saved my life. When I decided to move here, we had one night were we ended up kissing, and went back and forth as to if it was a kiss of passion or if we wanted to be together. 2 years later, and on our third break up of my choice, we have our own apt (with 10 months left of the lease), she is paying all the rent and expenses while I am in school, we have a dog, three guinea pigs, we share a bedroom and a car, we went on exotic vacations together, we are each other's best friend, partner, our whole world. I have been having some thoughts, I don't know what they are, just uneasy feelings inside. Everytime I look at her all I can see and remember are the good times. We can't move on living in the same house, but if I move back to PA I think that we will be crushed and we will lose that speical bond that people search their whole lives for. To sum it up, if I stay and we get back together, I am afraid that the same thing will happen in another 6 months, I get confused. If I go, I will be losing my best friend, and the most comfortable person in my life, my confidant, my world, and I really do love her. I am so confused right now, I don't know what to do. But I have to make a decision b/c this problem is lingering over our heads, and she is waiting for me to decide. We also were going to move to FL before signing the lease b/c it was more affordable, but I said that I wanted to finish school in CA...now I am leaving?!?!! Maybe?!?!?!?!!? Please help, it hurts so bad.

[wellswomyn]

Okay, let me see if I get this right... You have been together for a couple of years with three breakups in between. You live together, share a bedroom, and she is paying for everything. You just finished school. You are almost ten years younger than her.

 

It seems to me like you are trying to figure out if you should get a job in california to be near your best friend/ex, or if you should realize that it is over and move back to PA to make your life. Tough decision. Is there any chance of you two getting back together? What if you stay in cali but lived apart for a little while, or at least share a 2 bedroom apartment so you have some space.

 

The next couple of years will be very weird for you no matter where you are, as you are transitioning from 'kid in college' to 'adult in the real world'. It can be really scary, and I think that not only will your job prospects be better out there than they would be over here in PA, but you also have the benefit of a close friend who can help give you the stability and emotional support you will need. Talk it over with her. Stay there and get a job. Pay your half of the bills, as this will help even out the relationship. It sounds like you may indeed be codependent, but you can definitely work on this. Go out and meet some new friends, and spend at least one night away from your ex every week. Give yourself space to grow and learn on your own.

 

This is only my take on the situation, but I hope it is a little helpful.