kt_belle Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 Is it wrong to start dating if you still have feelings for your ex? I do love my ex very much and miss him but he has made it 100% clear that he wants nothing to do with me, neither friends nor more. This was stated clearly about 2 weeks ago. I know we arent going to happen and i should experience life and i have started talking to a really nice guy who has asked me out on a date and i'm thinking i should go. The problem is that part of me feels bad because: (1) My ex, while stating he wants nothing to do wtih me ever, did say he still loves me and i dont want to hurt him and (2) is it right to go on a date with someone if you still have feelings towards an ex? I would never cheat or even be emotionally disloyal (eg. if the ex came back i would still be loyal to the new guy) but i still feel like maybe its not fair on him. But then when is it fair? My ex and i broke up 6 months ago and yes i was still wanting him back 2 weeks ago but its definitely not going to happen. Hmm im really not sure now. I want to do the right thing by this other guy too. The hard part is that he and i have only just started talking and we get along really well... should i throw that away because of feelings (which will disappear) for an ex who has treated me badly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 It's not a healthy way to approach a relationship. Often times people get confused after finding someone to date shortly after a breakup. It wouldn't be fair to you let alone your potential partner if you cannot give 100%. As far as this guy that asked you out, if you are interested, I would be honest about your feelings, how the breakup was recent and you may have to take it slow. Obviously you don't want to say you have feelings for your ex still. Your ex sounds like he's playing with your emotions. It's a breakup or it's not. He needs to be very clear. There are no wishy-washy feelings in a true committed relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kt_belle Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 It's not a healthy way to approach a relationship. Often times people get confused after finding someone to date shortly after a breakup. It wouldn't be fair to you let alone your potential partner if you cannot give 100%. As far as this guy that asked you out, if you are interested, I would be honest about your feelings, how the breakup was recent and you may have to take it slow. Obviously you don't want to say you have feelings for your ex still. Your ex sounds like he's playing with your emotions. It's a breakup or it's not. He needs to be very clear. There are no wishy-washy feelings in a true committed relationship. Thanks My ex and i are definitely over. He has stated quite clearly that he never wants to see or hear from me again and we will never be friends or more. We have had a bit of a messy year as he gave mixed signals and then screwed me over, then got angry when i got confused. Unfortuantely my argument always was that if people mean enough to you, then you dont kick them completely out of your life (and you dont tell them that you still love them before doing this).... I feel stronger and happy i guess i just have bad days where i do miss my ex a bit but its not like the initial hurt of a breakup. I definitely think i will be taking it slow though. This guy and i have only just started talking but he seems really similar to me in so many ways. THe problem i have had with all of my ex's is that they never had any direction or motivation in their life while i do. And this guy seems to have that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 As long as you are true to your feelings and open with the new guy. I personally wouldn't enter a new relationship whilst I still had feelings for my ex especially not with a great guy. I wouldn't want to hurt the new guy. I would however at some point when I felt ready date other people. That being said, I would make sure to let them know I'm fresh out of a relationship, and not looking for anything serious at present. I do think you need to stop caring about whether your ex is going to be hurt or not. You're not together, he doesn't want anything to do with you so really who cares about how he feels? He chose his path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kt_belle Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 I feel like i am ready to date. Its hard to explain but part of me feels like that by taking that risk i am opening myself up to the possibility of love again, and also closing the door to the previous relationship. I think i will be taking it very slowly though. We have only just met so i will take my time and just get to know him. And if things do head towards the relationship path i will honestly just have to look at myself and ask if i am ready. And yeah i know i shouldnt care about my ex's feelings. I m one of those people that hates hurting other people. My main worry is that it was too soon but in retrospect since he told me the above stuff, i have kind of just accepted its over and given up hope. I'm not sitting here every night hoping he'll come back. And dating isnt like your going to marry someone. Its just getting to know people and seeing what's out there. hmm sorry im rambling my thoughts at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 And yeah i know i shouldnt care about my ex's feelings. I m one of those people that hates hurting other people. My main worry is that it was too soon but in retrospect since he told me the above stuff, i have kind of just accepted its over and given up hope. I'm not sitting here every night hoping he'll come back. And dating isnt like your going to marry someone. Its just getting to know people and seeing what's out there. hmm sorry im rambling my thoughts at the moment. That's probably a good approach at this point. I understand about hurting others and it may that you don't want to be hated or be hated perhaps? Thoughts and ramblings are good, that's why the ENA community exists Good luck with the new guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenmar Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 I thought I was ready to date as well.. but as the weeks go on I find it difficult. I am thinking of telling the new guy to give me some time alone.a month maybe.. just to get my thoughts sorted so i can give him 100%, because right now I am not. It all depends on the person.. If it were me I would take some time to be alone..get things straight in you head, if the new guy is willing to wait you know he is not wanting to rush things.. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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