Any of you embarrassed yourselves?

[nanana]

My ex and I have been broken up 5 weeks now. This is our second breakup in 2 and a half years. We were in contact for the first two weeks. The past time we spoke we agreed we would meet up in a few weeks time and even go to this gig we have tickets for.

 

We then had no contact for 3 weeks. I then got in touch to ask about meeting up and swapping stuff also. No response until the next day when he simply told me to send him my address. I then stupidly asked if we were still going to go to this gig together. No response at all.

 

I text him the address today, thanked him for posting my stuff, and said I didn't understand why he said about meeting up if he didn't really want to. I then said I'm crushed that he's ignoring me. Again no response.

 

I'm now just embarrassed. I imagine he must think I'm a psycho for contacting him 5 weeks after the breakup.

 

Have I behaved like a total bunny boiler? I don't understand why he still said we could go to the gig and now he wants nothing to do with me. It feels like I've been dumped all over again! Back on NC - this time forever.

 

Anyone else got some embarrassing stories? Is it

majorly bad to have contacted him about meeting 5 weeks after breakup? Wish I hadn't broken my 3 weeks NC.

[asthesparrow]

I've read a lot of your posts girl, and I really got to say you need to let go of him.

If anything, he should be the one that's embarrassed for treating you like that.

Contacting him is only pushing him away (hence the ignoring you) and soon enough, he's going to tell you to go away, for good, I reckon.

now is the time to forget about him, and focus on the most important thing in your world: YOU.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but it has to be done. You have to try, or you will be miserable for a long time. Just try and forget about him, don't contact him, what's the worst that can happen? You'll be happy? Yeah, see, not such a bad thing.

Good luck, I really sincerely hope you take my advice.

[nanana]

I'm definitely not going to contact him ever again. But thinking that he might think I'm pathetic or a psycho is awful. Must kill any good memories he had of me. I just dunno why he'd say he wants to meet up! Just feels like it was another way to hurt me. He must be laughing at me now.

 

Have I behaved like a psycho? I've been very calm and formal in my messages.

[Fionnuala]

No, contacting him about a gig he had previously agreed to go to, even post break up, is not psycho.

[Keyman]

I'm definitely not going to contact him ever again. But thinking that he might think I'm pathetic or a psycho is awful. Must kill any good memories he had of me. I just dunno why he'd say he wants to meet up! Just feels like it was another way to hurt me. He must be laughing at me now.

 

Have I behaved like a psycho? I've been very calm and formal in my messages.

 

I don't think you are a psycho, in fact you are displaying very normal behaviour for a break up. Can I suggest that you perhaps stop being so hard on yourself and understand that this is all part of it.

 

Stop over analysing it. You both broke up because you broke up. It's the second time, and I will possibly think, the last time. There may not be any getting back together again, and that is probably for the best.

 

Whether he is thinking you are psycho or not (and most probably not) you should try not to think of what he might be thinking. While small flutterly brown bird in the above post is right, you need to focus on yourself, but it is still early days, you need to deal with how the end of the relationship is changing the face of what's going on in your life, and you need to start dealing with it. Letting him go is one of the most important parts, and finding the ways to do it can be hard. Start by letting go of the questions... Why did he suggest that you meet up for the gig, then decide not to, why did he stop contacting etc etc.

 

He has decided that the best way for himself to heal and move on is by stepping away from contact with you. While suggesting you still go to the gig together seemed like a good idea to him to start with, that it might make you think that you are still together, that might give you an opportunity to plead or that it would ultimately make his process of getting over you harder, could all be valid reasons.

 

My advice is to follow his lead. Go NC. If you have the tickets to the gig, then go. Take the understanding that it is over and start walking away from it. For what you wonder he may be thinking, and start thinking for yourself.

 

When one door closes, a better one opens.

[nanana]

O this is normal post breakup behaviour? Even 5 weeks down the line?

 

The reason I am scared he thinks I'm a psycho is because he always used to call me what whenever I got upset over the way he was treating me. He's got me convinced I mist be crazy...

[BriarRose]

No, he will not think you are a psycho. I can assure you many of us here have done much worse than call an ex about going to a gig that you previously had planned. Don't worry - I am sure he does not think badly of you at all.

[jenmar]

Trust me, it could have been worse, my ex broke up with me almost two months ago, and the last I heard from him was three weeks ago, and last thursday I drank wayy too much, called him a bunch of times and actually went to his house, only to be ignored.

a. felt stupid

b. felt stupid

c. felt stupid.

 

Don't beat yourself up though, pick up and move forward- just do not contact him anymore.

 

Your displaying normal post break up behavior, it happens to the best of us.

Keep your chin up and smiling, you are doing great.

[asthesparrow]

O this is normal post breakup behaviour? Even 5 weeks down the line?

 

The reason I am scared he thinks I'm a psycho is because he always used to call me what whenever I got upset over the way he was treating me. He's got me convinced I mist be crazy...

 

We probably dated the same guy, it seems, really.

Your ex was: Controlling, manipulative, played the victim, couldn't pick his battles, had to be superior.

 

Calling you crazy -- He felt guilt for how he treated you, but couldn't admit it, so he turned it on you, convincing himself that YOU must have done wrong, he could never, ever take the blame i bet?

 

My ex was the same. He would ignore me for THREE weeks at a time, for no reason, and if I ever complained, I was "insane", "needed help", a "psychopath".

I know how you feel hun ): Don't feel crazy, YOU AREN'T!

[Hopelives]

Nanana,

 

My ex from about 7 years ago would be thankful that's if that is all I did to him

 

Thankfully, I got over my rage (not anger but pure unadulterated rage)... he'd abused my son and me emotionally and mentally for months so it was not break-up anger but pent up rage...

 

He will never treat someone like he did my son and I. Guarantee that.

[nanana]

He has decided that the best way for himself to heal and move on is by stepping away from contact with you. While suggesting you still go to the gig together seemed like a good idea to him to start with, that it might make you think that you are still together, that might give you an opportunity to plead or that it would ultimately make his process of getting over you harder, could all be valid reasons.

 

Do you think these are likely reasons? That perhaps he just doesn't want to get back into it again?

 

I suppose that he and I both know that if we met up once, we'd just act like a couple and we'd have to keep hanging out. We tried being friends last time we broke up and ended up back together because we just CAN'T be friends. It never felt natural.

 

I just keep wondering what happened in those 3 weeks that changed his mind, but I guess it was just that same realisation...

 

Then I wonder if maybe he's mad that the last time we spoke it was because I called him while my dad was in hospital, very upset. I sometimes wonder if he believed my dad was really ill.

 

Thanks for all your responses. Any more input would be great. I have nobody to talk to about this because I get embarrassed, so it's nice to vent on here.