Thinking about threesomes (too much)...

[JCNYC]

I'm a guy in my 30s in a committed relationship. My girlfriend and I live together and we've been doing really well. However, a couple months ago, we had a conversation and she told me that she has had threesomes before (with another woman and a man). At the beginning, I didn't think about it too much, but I have come to a point where I told her I want to have a threesome with another girl. She says she has enjoyed them and was interested in the idea, but that she loves me and just wants to be with me (her other threesomes have been when she was single/ with people she wasn't committed to).

 

Now, during sex, I fantasize about the idea, and sometimes she plays along, but I feel all this fantasizing has become unhealthy (I mention another woman every time we are together and recently I even dreamt about her friend joining us.) Honestly, I feel like I still want to have a threesome with her. I just told her I can't have sex with her until I figure all this out, and she was really hurt. I really need some advice, thanks.

[anya85]

She is not your toy. She doesn't want to have a threesome because she loves you and it would hurt her to see you with another women. She would not enjoy it and she's told you this. Quite clearly. Experimenting like this is much different when you aren't attached to the people involved. You can't manipulate her into doing something you want by withholding sex.

 

Break up with the poor girl and go have all the threesomes you want while single. Let her find someone who respects her wishes and doesn't feel this need to share. God. I would have seriously considered breaking up with you already had my boyfriend said this to me.

[annie24]

I just told her I can't have sex with her until I figure all this out, and she was really hurt.

 

welcome to enotalone. ^^ well, that's not really fair in some ways. what is there to 'figure out'? do you mean if she doesn't want to have a 3some with you, you're going to break up with her and find some other women who will? i get that you want to try this out and see how it goes. I've had a 3some as well before and it wasn't all that, honestly. i think that things are better when there is love, and it's hard to share that love with 3 people.

 

if this is a deal breaker, then i guess just break it off and go find 2 women who want to play.

[JCNYC]

if this is a deal breaker, then i guess just break it off and go find 2 women who want to play.

 

I love my girlfriend and I am not even close to considering breaking up with her. ALL I need to do is stop thinking about threesomes.

[annie24]

i don't know if it's that easy to 'stop thinking about it.' i get that you are curious and this is an itch that needs to be scratched, so to speak.

 

i don't know if having a 3 some with her friend is a good idea - but maybe some other woman who isn't so close to her who wouldn't be a threat to the relationship? have you guys talked about it? would she be ok with trying it with some other girl who isn't her friend?

[konstantine]

What if she had never told you she had threesomes before? Would you still be so obsessed with the idea? Or is it just that you know it's a possibility with her so you feel you have to take advantage of it?

 

She obviously isn't comfortable with a threesome with you because she wants to be committed to you. I wouldn't push this with her.

[agent1607307371]

I'm going to tell you this straight up - the more you talk about 3somes, the less she will love you.

 

I've been on the receiving end of that little obsession and all it did was make me resent him.

 

Your choice.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, you're ruining your relationship and hurting your girlfriend with this obsession. You're not having sex with her until you 'figure this out'? That's so hurtful to her and I hope you come to your senses soon.

 

What's better? A threesome or not having this woman as your partner? If you continue to act this way, you may lose the one love you have while fretting to find a second partner.

[Theblueman123]

Lol get just another chick and go at it with both of them. i don't see why she could do it before and not now

[Cognitive_Canine]

Lol get just another chick and go at it with both of them. i don't see why she could do it before and not now

 

Because she didn't love the guy she did it with before.

 

If the OP gets another girl, she will most likely leave him.

[agent1607307371]

Lol get just another chick and go at it with both of them. i don't see why she could do it before and not now

 

Because before it was just people. Not having to watch her bf bone someone else.

 

Trust me, if you're not into it, it's corrosive.

[SQSLW]

she should be enough for you and if she were you wouldn't be fantasing about other girls. If she's not enough break up with her and save the poor girl all the bloody agro!