It's been almost 21 years, and it's time for me to make a change.

[kevin715]

And by "make a change," I mean finally get over my shyness. I may not be as old as some of the people who have posted here, but I really don't want to see myself being on places like here several years from now. No offense to anyone who has made such posts in the past, but reading these self-pity pieces is depressing, and I would hate to have to live my life that way. I know I deserve better than where I am now, which will likely be in this situation if I don't make this change.

 

With all that said, I don't know where to start. I'm 20, and I'm a month away from graduating college. Already as it is, I don't have a very strong social circle in college (and for the record, I go to a very large university with a huge party scene), and I barely have anyone I'd consider "true friends." I've also never had a true girlfriend, mainly because I've always been too shy in talking to women. I fear that it might be too late for me to try to get to know new people in college, since I only have one month here left. And after college, I feel it may be even worse, depending on where I wind up moving to after college (for career purposes). It also doesn't help that whenever I'm not in school, I live at home with my mom.

 

I've seen in several threads that a big factor in attracting women is having a positive attitude about your life, which I agree with. But how do I develop a positive attitude about my life in the face of stressing out over a dire financial situation, stressing out about trying to find a job after college, having the only women you've ever had interest in friendzone you, and feeling like a complete loner otherwise? I'm ready to make this change in my life and become more social, but how do I do it without it coming off as extremely awkward? And for post-college, how should I approach this?

[doesitmatter30]

When I did this, at age 18 or 19, I went out to clubs and bars AWAY from my normal area. What this did was let me convince myself that I could go do what I wanted and if I did something too awkward or stupid, I could go home and never come back again. The main thing is to try it out in another area you dont goto and it takes so much pressure off. just watch a bit and then jump in. if it goes wrong, you can dip out fast and try another place. When I did that though, I ended up with girlfriends out of my area. So it works, say screw it, have a drink if you need it (dont get drunk) and go for it. its amazing how well everything worked out. nowadays, I'll talk to anybody, anytime...

[IvantheAvg]

I'm ready to make this change in my life and become more social, but how do I do it without it coming off as extremely awkward? And for post-college, how should I approach this?

 

What helped me:

-take baby steps,being socially strong is like a muscle, you need to practice

-study interpersonal communnications like a martial art

-you are always going to have problems in life, you are never going to be perfectly ready (a good combat unit never passed inspection)

-don't be afraid to fail...if you get rejected let it sting...lay low for a few days and heal...then review what happened and move on.

[thejigsup]

Stop being afraid of women. We are human, just like you, and most of us are pretty nice. Come up to us and say, "Hi." I've made the first move on cute guys pretty often and my standby line was, "Would you happen to have the time? I left my watch/phone at home." Worked every time for starting a conversation and many times it led to a date.

[Ginger1]

when you find a job or internship to do, that will get you out and about- away from your house/mom etc. Its depressng to think that you are just going to graduate and then sit at home and rot. It doesn't give you anything to look forward to.

As for being shy, it's ok, just try a little bit to make convo with ANY girl. Not just oh this girl is pretty I'd like to date her-then you will be nervous, just random girls. It will boost your confidence talking to strange people. Heck even at the check out line- just say hey how are ya. that type of thing.

I am in a similar boat with guys. I am OK with complete strangers, but if it someone I a interested in, then I get shy and don't approach, but it helps just to be able to talk to any males.

I am in the same sit as you. 21 graduating. heck I have never even dated. But I'm pretty pumped up at this point because I am moving to a new city for more school/work and I'm hoping I'll meet new people down there.

Good luck! hang in there!

[kevin715]

I guess what you all are saying makes sense. It's just that it seems that because I don't go out very often on the weekends and don't have a very close circle of friends, every girl I pass by on campus either has a boyfriend or is busy doing something else (because I know that I don't like being bothered when I'm extremely busy or preoccupied with something important either, so I just respect other people's personal space). This probably isn't always the case, but this mental block has just been a severe obstacle keeping me from talking to people at will, and I'm very self-conscious about myself just randomly striking up conversation with anyone in a setting that I wouldn't normally do so, just for the sake of talking to people, and a lot of times, I think I'm being judged as that loner listening to his iPod all the time who only wants to start becoming outgoing now because it's the end of the school year and might be desperate.

 

Sometimes I just regret a lot of my past which has made me into what I am right now,l and I fear winding up like the person I vowed to myself I wouldn't become. I don't know if this rant made any sense to anybody but I felt that I needed to get it off my chest...screw it, I don't know.

[LightbulbSun]

Stop being afraid of women. We are human, just like you, and most of us are pretty nice. Come up to us and say, "Hi." I've made the first move on cute guys pretty often and my standby line was, "Would you happen to have the time? I left my watch/phone at home." Worked every time for starting a conversation and many times it led to a date.

 

You know, this is good advice, but at the same time it's really hard to break out of the cycle of putting women up on pedestals. Logically, you realize it hurts your chances, but when you see her, your heart stops and suddenly she's up there again...

 

OP, I'm 6 years older than you, and also trying to get over my fear of women. It's not easy, I sympathize, man.