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Okay, so anyone that has read my other threads will know that I'm not having a great time at the moment. I have asked about this on my other thread but got no response so thought I would put it out there in a different topic.

 

A quick run down- My boyfriend and I have slowly and painfully grown apart over the last 6 months, it got a lot worse after Xmas and I allowed an emotional relationship to grow with a man at work. I have sucessfully managed to put a stop to this growing physically but haven't been able to step away from the emotional support. My bf and I finally split 6 weeks ago and I have been a wreck, had to move out of my flat, generally fallen apart.

 

I have internalised a lot of whats been going on myself, blamed myself and searched desperatly for answers. I have searched the internet for weeks now, including reading as much as I can on this forum, just intent on finding out whats wrong with me and how I can help myself.

 

What I have come up with is Borderline Personality Disorder- I do seem to fit a lot of the crieria.

 

 

I know this is a really long post, so thanks for reading it if you've got this far!! I am just looking for someone who might know a little more about it, have it, or have known people with it so I can judge it better? I'm worried that I'm just so deperate to know what is 'wrong' with me and have an answer to why my life is so rubbish, why I'm so alone and why I continuously make bad decisions even when I know they're bad, that I'm sort of making myself fit this?

 

And I know I should go to the doctors, I keep making appointments and cancelling them. I'm really scared of being laughed at and told I'm over-reacting. I really fear being percieved as weak and over emotional- even though I am. One thing I have noticed in the last 6 weeks is that being aware of these things about myself does help me control it. But not 100%. Does anyone know if this type of thing is aided by medication? Cos being medicated also really scares me?

 

Thanks again for bearing with me!!

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I have\has this. Afterbintensevtherapt and a period on several anti depressants, I don't have it like I used to. Whatever you do do NOT cancel anymore appointments. If you dint go to a doctor at least go to a counselor or therapist to see if you just have an anxiety disorder. There's a histor of manic depression in my family so we made sure I got into therapy. That's really the best thig. I ha each and evey one if those sypmtoms and more. It's better to know what's going on than not

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Based on what you've outlined here, it does seem like you have several of the symptoms of BPD. My mother has BPD and I can tell you that it can be extremely difficult to deal with. It's great that you're recognizing what your symptoms are; one other hallmark of BPD is that people who have it refuse to recognize that they have it or any other issues, so you're taking a step in the right direction.

 

I strongly recommend that you make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist to talk through your symptoms. These people are professionally trained to deal with cases like yours and will not laugh at you or dismiss you. There is nothing weak about asking for help. I've been in therapy for 3 years (no diagnosed issues, just to talk through my childhood, etc.) and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

 

BPD is often treated with medication, but there is no one medication that is used. That is something you can talk through with your doctor.

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Listen sweetie, what's important here is that you are unhappy. What's positive is that you are aware of what some of the problems are. Go to a psychotherapist, a well qualified one and allow yourself to be taken care of. It's possible you don't need medication but a well qualified psychotherapist to help you put your behavior in order. Your feelings may well follow in the context of a supportive, structured relationship that has your highest well-being as a priority. I am a professional and it just doesn't seem like BPD to me. Underlying depressions with behavioral consequences can sometimes look like that. I have a really strong feeling a good therapist will help you. Please do this for yourself. There is no shame in seeking help. getting a word you think might apply will do nothing. Treatment will.

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I'm not a professional, but I agree with minou. I know someone who was borderline and, although I don't know you personally, she seemed much worse than you. Like aneffigy said, someone with BPD will refuse to admit they have BPD, even if you point it out in black and white, until they have had some treatment. I'm not sure about the UK, but in the US, you can usually see a psychiatrist without seeing your GP first.

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Its quite possible that you dont have the disorder but rather demonstrate Traits of it.

 

Its really in your best interest to have a professional assess and diagnose you.

 

You might come to learn that you dont have traits of BDP but of a different disorder........the traits of many disorders can often cross into each other.

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I'm not a professional, but I agree with minou. I know someone who was borderline and, although I don't know you personally, she seemed much worse than you. Like aneffigy said, someone with BPD will refuse to admit they have BPD, even if you point it out in black and white, until they have had some treatment. I'm not sure about the UK, but in the US, you can usually see a psychiatrist without seeing your GP first.

 

This is actually a really good point and not something that had occurred to me! Although, I have had a pretty firm belief for the past 8 years that it's not me, it's everyone else. It was only during this latest break up when my boyfriend finally calmed me down after another screaming crying fit that and looked me in the eye and just said 'this is not normal' that I had this moment of clarity that suddenly said 'hang on... how can EVERYONE else be wrong?'

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This is actually a really good point and not something that had occurred to me! Although, I have had a pretty firm belief for the past 8 years that it's not me, it's everyone else. It was only during this latest break up when my boyfriend finally calmed me down after another screaming crying fit that and looked me in the eye and just said 'this is not normal' that I had this moment of clarity that suddenly said 'hang on... how can EVERYONE else be wrong?'

 

I know exactly what you mean. I refused to admit for years that I had a problem because I was brought up that you keep your problems to yourself and "deal" with them yourself. I would be up and down, and up and down, and up and down, then just down. I finally got to the point where I could barely get out of bed and my husband told me that I either went to a psychiatrist or he was going to commit me to a mental hospital. Turns out I have Bi-Polar II Disorder. Looking back on my life, I can trace it all the way back to adolescence.....I try to keep myself from thinking about how different my life could be if I had just gotten treatment back then because I tend to drive myself crazy with the "what if"s

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Bella:

 

You can't see an NHS therapist without first going to your doctor. Well, yes you can, if you are prepared to pay, but you say you cannot afford it. So, perhaps you could contact a voluntary organisation, who might be able to help you in this respect.

 

Hermes

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I seriously DOUBT you have BPD. The problem with what you are doing is taking things about your personality that seem to fit into the BPD description, however, the things you are saying you do A LOT Of people do, and not that large a percentage of the population suffers from BPD.

 

BPD is a very serious disorder and those who suffer from it typically have serious personality issues. What you are describing about yourself, while it may feel debilitating to you, is nothing compared to behaviors you would likely see out of a person suffering from this.

 

I do suggest a therapist but not because I think you have BPD, but rather because you are unhappy with some things about yourself and it would be helpful to consult a professional.

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one other hallmark of BPD is that people who have it refuse to recognize that they have it or any other issues, so you're taking a step in the right direction.

.

 

Right, and this is another reason why I STRONGLY do not think she has it. People with BPD are the LAST people to think think they have it.

 

To the OP, hon what you wrote about yourself I'd say about 50% of insecure women the ages of 20- to 25 could say they have experienced that before. NOthing you said is really that UNCOMMON for women who have a temper and insecurity issues.

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I'm going to go to the doctor this week... I'm gonna take this list I wrote here with me...

 

 

 

It's the most honest representation of how I feel right now! It was before I started thinking of BPD and before I started reading things on it... I'll see what my GP thinks.. I'm not expecting great things... but it might help!

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