What to do in my first serious relationship.

[Alchey]

I'm trying to start a relationship. One that will hopefully become serious. This will be my first relationship. I am a pretty shy person and can have trouble talking to a girl without a topic. So I am worried of what to do on a first date or even how to structure a date. That is more something I need to get over and go out on a limb.

 

On to the main problem. I always hear that your first love will always feel like true love and will hurt the most once it doesn't work out. This presents two problems to me. During it I will now have a severe mental handicap thinking that the odds of my first relationship being the "one" are 1 in ∞. I feel like I might sabotage a relationship and it makes starting one seem hopeless. I actually care about peoples feelings and I do not want to go into a relationship with the knowledge it probably wont work out. But that presents a problem of ever starting the chain of finding women.

 

The other end of the candle stick is I could be so engrossed in this first one that I will throw the previous logic to the wind. Thus when it probably falls apart I will get crushed and revert back to shy me. I don't believe in true love in the traditional sense but I do think that of all the people in the world there is logically one that matches me best.

 

I guess what I am asking for is some logical advice on how to get over the first relationship blues and how to get into the first one. I will elaborate on anything on request and check back frequently.

[Sanesoul]

You could start by not thinking that every "first" love is doomed. My husband is my first love, and we are still together, will be forever. We met when I was 19. It can happen.

[Salicia]

I think the key thing to do before actually getting into a serious relationship is getting over the first one so I'm glad you're thinking that way. I got over my first relationship because I became aware of my present state more instead of reverting to the past where my first relationship was. I felt like living in the past just made me weaker in the present so I decided to just enjoy life as it is currently. It's good to refer to the past sometimes but it's bad just living from the past just from my experience.

[Night Pumpkin]

As long as you are mature enough to know what real love is, and your partner is as equally mature, then just do what comes naturally and everything will just fall into place.

 

I still remember the first day of my relationship (my first - still with my first girlfriend). I was so scared too. Not even sure how to kiss. BUt just do what feels right, and it will become right.

[jessica911]

to me, first love teaches you so much about yourself:

 

who you are

what you want

what you dont like

what you like

what you need

what you dont need

what you love

what you dont love

 

you will most likely learn all of those from that person, at the end you might say thank you to him/her or you might say I HATE YOU FOR LIFE.

[theproman23]

Hey man you sound like a few years ago. Not saying that I've been extremely successful since but I was with someone for 3 years. Although, I wanted to be in a relationship so bad I put up with all her crap and finally realized that it wasn't worth it. Just make sure you are honest and yourself when you go in to your first relationship.

 

If the other person doesn't like what they see, too bad, cause you don't want to be stuck being someone you are not just to impress the other person as that's what I did exactly.

 

Now having said that it took me months to get over what was an extremely dysfunctional relationship. Don't get me wrong I loved her like nothing else on this earth but it wasn't enough for her so I guess what I am trying to say is make sure you are in love with her and not the aspect of your first relationship.

 

Just be yourself and you'll find that it's the best way to go about anything in life, especially relationships.

 

Hope it helps and good luck!!

[cntrofthestorm]

I can understand what you're saying... my first love and i broke up a little over two months ago and i actually do believe part of it had to do with my believing that it couldn't last because he was the only person i'd ever experienced anything with. but even so, that relationship wasn't hopeless in the least. even if it didn't last, i had an amazing time being with him and i couldn't have asked for a better first love. i'm really sad that we aren't together anymore but from the breakup i have learned things about myself that i couldn't have learned any other way. and because of that i would change nothing about it. I am actually very shy and i opened up a lot after dating my ex, who isn't shy in the least, and i have not reverted back to being as shy as i was before i met him at all. in fact i am actually what i would call a lot more out going, except still shy because that's just my personality haha

 

its funny because when my ex and i first started dating i was terrified of what would happen if we ever broke up and i think i even brought that up like the day he asked me to be his girlfriend (haha i don't recommend doing that), it's just being nervous though like getting on a roller coaster. i guess my advice is not to think about it so much, just enjoy it it's an amazing experience

 

and as insane heart said, some first loves really aren't doomed. i actually know A LOT of married couples who were each other's first loves.

[Alchey]

I tend to overthink things. I guess I need to stop worrying until something happens that needs worrying about.

[Salicia]

I tend to overthink things. I guess I need to stop worrying until something happens that needs worrying about.

 

I think we all do this sometimes, especially when dealing with an uncertain future.

[jel1992]

Jessica911 is totally right. Go into your relationship knowing that even if it doesn't work out, at least you will be able to find out what you like in someone and what you don't like. This way you can slowly find the best match for yourself. As for starting a relationship I have exactly the same problem as you. I cannot have a conversation if my life depended on it unless there is something I know I can talk about. Take the girl on a date somewhere fun where you could definitely talk about a lot of things. Not the movies or dinner. Something like a concert, along those lines.

[Alchey]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I guess I need to take the first step and reassess things after that Glad to hear some people find love on the firs try, lucky you!

[theproman23]

Hope things work out bud. But believe me there is nothing better than experiencing things for yourself, no matter it's good or bad. Because what you learn from it no one can ever explain or tell you about.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!