how do you get over them?

[memphis1]

I'm not sure how to get over my ex. It's hard. I ended up destroying my phone, because I know I'll end up calling her. I don't even want to go to other people right now. I'm trying real hard, but nothing seems to be working.

 

What are techniques that yall use?

Music? If so, what kind of songs for men to help them get over an ex

Excersise? How does that even work anyway?

Occupied? How do you keep yourself occupied if you're always so upset all the time and don't wana do anything.

 

What really helps...

[setanta23]

Exercise is good for a few reasons, you get a natural high after you exercise, you look better and then you feel more confident about yourself.

Music can be good unless it that weepy breakup crap or independent we don't need crap men songs.

Try and meet new people, flirt with girls, put yourself outside your comfort zone.

If you feel down talk to friends or family about how you feel.

I'd highly recommend traveling if you can.

[No1]

Memphis: There are a lot of things you can do to heal. First off, are you ready to heal? Lots of people say they are ready, but then they stay in the exact same orbit around their X and they can never break away because they havent fully accepted its over. Once you accept its over, then you can do the things you need to do.

1. Remove her from your life: That means delete emails, text messages, make pictures on your computer hard to see so that you dont "accidently" look at them. Delete her number from your phone even if you have it memorized. Its only a small step to healing of course.

2. Limit the contact. If you dont contact your X, odds are that your X will contact you in some way. They will do it to make themselves feel better and chances are it has nothing to do with you. Its okay to respond to the text every so often, but not all of them and not all the time.

3. Get out: Do things that make you happy. Remember the Laws of Attraction. If you think positive, you will attract positive people around you, if you think negative you will attract negative. Yes believe it or not the mind is very powerful. It does work. So get out and be happy and smile, even if you dont fully feel it, fake it. Smile, say hi to a hot girl. (no, no need to compare to your X) but flirt a little, just get a little responce and build up your self esteem. Im telling you that the Laws of Attraction works wonders.

4. Be active: I am sure you have heard of it, but it means to be active. Go play sports, work out, do cardio or weights, if you play softball or baseball with buds, hey, do that. If you go to the gym, work out, it will make you feel better. Even if you cant go to the gym, a nice 30min walk or run can do wonders for you.

5. Relax: Every so often your X will pop into your head. Youll be reminded of something and your X will pop into your head. When this happens, you have about 30 seconds to get rid of the thought before your brain starts to process and then youll feel hurt and your brain will start thinking of the past. You cant think about the past. What is done is done. You cant beat yourself up and say "what if" I should of done this, I should of done that... etc.. For whatever reason you two are not together. And thats okay. Life does move on, you will find someone else when you are ready. So when your X comes into your mind. You have to relax, and breathe deep, and exhale. (yes it sounds strange) but do say Okay the feeling is there and breathe slow and deep and imagine your X flowing away from your body. Feelings and all, let it go.

You will have your bad days, you will have your good days. You will miss your X and its going to sting, but as time goes on, it will sting less and less. You will swing thru a full range of emotions (fear, anger, confusion, denial, and Sadness) all of it is perfectly normal after a break up, but if you do those little things you will heal.

I know it hurts, its going to take a lot of will and brain power for you to remove your X from your life, but it can be done. Remove her from the Pedestal and put yourself there. Its now about you and do what your heart says to heal. If you cant talk to her, then dont, if she suggests "lets be friends" then be only what you can be. You will hit your bumps in the road, but youll be fine. Make yourself happy, smile, apply the Laws of Attraction and youll be ok.

[prada]

well said no1

[fantom1399]

It seems sappy but I listened to a lot of sad songs. I helped me get my emotions out. I would just keep searching for breakup songs to listen to because it soothed me and let me think. But songs that I believe helped me the most are:

I'm moving on - Rascal flatts

Move along - Neyo

I'll be fine - Stevie Hoang

These are just a couple. There were many more.

The other thing I did was work out. That really helped me get over the humps. Every time I would feel sad, I would go for a long jog or a bike ride and that would calm me down for a while until the next hump. Then I would go do it again. Next thing you know, you're 15lbs lighter and 5 times happier. Things will work out. Just need to give it time and work on things that makes you happy!

[yonanz]

I'm not sure how to get over my ex. It's hard. I ended up destroying my phone, because I know I'll end up calling her. I don't even want to go to other people right now. I'm trying real hard, but nothing seems to be working.

 

What are techniques that yall use?

Music? If so, what kind of songs for men to help them get over an ex

Excersise? How does that even work anyway?

Occupied? How do you keep yourself occupied if you're always so upset all the time and don't wana do anything.

 

What really helps...

 

hey memphis, i took several conscious steps. u need alot of discipline and focus, and make sure u stick to it.

 

first, keep away EVERYTHING that reminds u of her, to the extent that it is practical to do so. your photos, your couple shirts, your presents etc.

 

2ndly, stop checking out her facebook/twitter/blog etc.

 

3rdly thought stopping. when u think of her cut it short, or force yourself to replace the thought. when u are alone shout stop! when u think of her, and repeat this everytime she pops up in your mind. u can also think about her negative points, and make urself feel angry. anger is good because anger takes away the depressive sad feeling which is the main problem

 

4thly, go out and live life! yes, you need to make yourself very very occupied. go plan a packed schedule, go do community work, take up cooking or laguage classes, meet more people! u have a void now in your life now that she's gone, and u need to fill up this void. no matter how sad or how laidback u feel, and u jst want to wallow in sadness on your bed, force yourself to go out and join acitivites/meet people.

 

5thly, exercise and workout! exercise releases endorphines which helps you feel good! seriously. and exercise keeps u in shape and boost your self esteem which is impt. a breakup is extremel damaging to self esteem and makes u feel hopeless about the future. exercising brings that confidence back. workout helps too. having a toned body will make u feel attractive and proud of your body once more. its an incredible confidence booster trust me. u feel good about your body and u walk around in public confidently. exercise is also mentally healthy. jogging and swimming helps build up emotional healthiness. its helps u relax and be at ease.

 

6thly ,DO NOT LISTEN TO MUSIC. IF U MUST, LISTEN TO UPBEAT, FUN, LIGHT HEARTED, CHEERFUL ONES! LISTENING TO SONGS OF HEARTBREAK WILL ONLY WORSEN IT. DONT SAYI DIDNT WARN U ENOUGH.

 

dont give excuses. feeling sad all the time doesnt prevent you from going out and getting yourself busy. you are your own barrier and you have to apply discipline to get over that barrier. you are a MAN!! CMON! You have two paths ahead of you. one is to languish in misery and think about her at home, or another is to go out, workout, know people, do things, basically live life to the fullest! one path helps while the other hinders. be rational and choose the right one. force yourself even if the pain is eating you out. the first step is always the most difficult but trust me, once u make that first step things will start getting easier. talking to new people, doing new things over time will slowlyease the pain.

[mirrorman]

I'd highly recommend traveling if you can.

 

I've been reading on and off-line about the Apollo missions a lot lately.

 

Not that I'm planning that kind of travel, you understand. It would cost a few billion more than I can realistically afford! Though being half a million kilometers away from everything which reminds me of her might just be worth it!

 

As for music, love songs are out, out, out! Rock, jazz, and electronic instrumentals are the thing.

[jazzbarrett]

here is what helped me:

 

1) cut all contact. i changed my phone number. got new instant message accounts and informed only close friends. told everyone that i did give the new info to that it was to be kept from him at all costs. i blocked him from email accounts i could not change. i blocked him from facebook.

 

2) i stopped hanging out with mutual friends. i didn't want to hear about anything to do with him.

 

3) i redecorated the house. we had lived together for 3 years and i turned the whole house into something that was MINE and only mine.

 

4) i deleted all pictures on the computer and trashed all evidence that he was ever in my life, presents included.

 

5) i made one night of the week a date night...for myself. either a movie or a dinner where there was wifi connection that i could do work (so it didn't look completely pathetic that i was eating alone), i gave myself one night of the week to go out and hang out with myself.

 

6) i changed my daily routine. since i no longer needed to have dinner cooked for two, i spend dinner time walking the park accross the street from my house. the mornings were the worst time for me, so (after redecorating my room to make it more livable) i made it a ritual to read up on emails and have breakfast in porch to get some sun and enjoy the fresh air.

 

 

 

main lesson: BE SELFISH. do what you want. when you want. for however long you want. you no longer have someone to consult with. or compromise with. or take turns and sacrifice your choice with. i often wonder, since i am at fault for this, why we are able to give so much to other people, yet we are unable to give the same to ourselves.

[InRecovery]

Its about looking after yourself. I tried travelling and hated it.

 

I got myself involved in a hobby and basically created a business from it as a result - I spent 100 hours a week working and just didn't give myself any free time where I was doing nothing. It still hurts, but keeping busy is the toughest thing to do but easily the best.

 

Nthing will replace what you've lost but time, but you can take your mind off it and when you haven't thought about it for a while, or you myself flirting with someone you'll realise you're a step closer to getting off the rollerfcoaster than you were beforehand