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She doesn't appreciate anything I do


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I walk my dog every day for 2 hours with my sister. All of a sudden it's a problem, and she "needs one of us here". I've been sitting here for an hour and she hasn't needed me yet. I pretty much raise her son. When she comes home, all she does is say hi to him, play or talk with him for 15 minutes, shoo him away and ask me and my sister to do everything. Get him a drink, make him food, help him with this, help him with his homework, give him a bath, put him to sleep. I didn't want her to have a kid so it could be my problem. Everything down to discipline became my problem. After I almost blew up on her today, and I finally told her how I'm tired of her telling me to do this and that, all she says is that I do nothing and that I'm trying to be smart. Maybe there's a REASON I looked forward to my 2 hour walk and a REASON I sneaked out last year. But no, she's to blind to tell.

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Just get out a piece of paper, write out what you do for her son on a given day and what she does for her son, and hand it to her.

 

Ask her why you're mothering her son for her.

 

I actually had done that... she told me I was being stupid and dramatic and dismissed everything I said. She doesn't care about what I think or feel. I don't know how to get it through her thick skull that I have too much on my shoulders.

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So make a new list every day that shows what you did for her son that day vs. what she did for her son that day.

 

Tack it on the refrigerator or in a public area where she'll see it.

 

 

If you get really tired of it you could just stop doing it as long as you're not endangering the child's life by doing so. Tell her that until she retakes an active role in her son's life she won't receive any more help from you.

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So make a new list every day that shows what you did for her son that day vs. what she did for her son that day.

 

Tack it on the refrigerator or in a public area where she'll see it.

 

 

If you get really tired of it you could just stop doing it as long as you're not endangering the child's life by doing so. Tell her that until she retakes an active role in her son's life she won't receive any more help from you.

 

Hmm... I wonder how she'd react to that one... I have refused before, and she threated to take away my netbook, my only connection to my friends who matter. [i'm not too fond of the people in my school..] Though the list idea sounds interesting..

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Why not walk out the door when she comes home and make her raise her own child? Let her deal with looking for someone to watch him. Is your sister an adult and you live with her or are you all living with your parents and she has a baby? If you live in her house she may expect you to help out or consider you a live in baby sitter but if all of you live with your folks - I would help out if she is at school or something but other than that I would just walk out and do something else. The child is her responsibility. It doesn't mean you can't lend a hand, but you are not the mother

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If you don't mind facing her wrath, you could also start referring to him as "my son" or "my boy" (when the child is not in earshot, please). When she questions you, just say that "well I'm the one taking care of him after all."

 

It's a rather immature suggestion, but it may stir the pot enough to jar her into realization and hopefully change her perspective.

 

 

Another immature suggestion would be after she's had her 15 minute "fill" of her son and shoos him off to walk past her and say, "Visitation is over, you can go now."

 

 

I only suggest either of the above if you don't mind if she gets really angry. They also may or may not accomplish anything constructive as opposed to the list idea.

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Why not walk out the door when she comes home and make her raise her own child? Let her deal with looking for someone to watch him. Is your sister an adult and you live with her or are you all living with your parents and she has a baby? If you live in her house she may expect you to help out or consider you a live in baby sitter but if all of you live with your folks - I would help out if she is at school or something but other than that I would just walk out and do something else. The child is her responsibility. It doesn't mean you can't lend a hand, but you are not the mother

 

I agree if she lives in her sister's house there's nothing wrong with her sister expecting some help.

 

Spending 15 minutes with your son then shooing him off to be cared for by your sister is not getting some help, it's neglectful and not raising your child. If you're not involved in your child's life you're not being a good mother and someone else is raising your child for you. This is not a good thing in my eyes and regardless of things being taken care of for the child the mother needs to have a more active role than a quarter of an hour per day.

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It's just a play off of your self esteem to tell you you're being dramatic. She's trying to hold you between your own concern about the child and your pride. It's your decision how to break out of it, but if you don't want to deal with it, you have to make that clear in a way she'd understand. Only you know her well enough to know what that way is.

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Why not walk out the door when she comes home and make her raise her own child? Let her deal with looking for someone to watch him. Is your sister an adult and you live with her or are you all living with your parents and she has a baby? If you live in her house she may expect you to help out or consider you a live in baby sitter but if all of you live with your folks - I would help out if she is at school or something but other than that I would just walk out and do something else. The child is her responsibility. It doesn't mean you can't lend a hand, but you are not the mother

 

I tried leaving as soon as she comes home, and that's when she stopped me. But this only became a problem today... she tends to do that...

 

Now let's see.... my sister is 18, and she... well she sleeps most of the day... everyone including me keeps trying to push her to get into college, to get out there and apply, but she won't. She also says there's no jobs around, so that's yet another excuse, or she says she just doesn't like the jobs out there. If we're both home, and we're babysitting, she sleeps while I have to discipline everyone, feed everyone, etc. So I'm not sure if that would be her living in their house taking up space... I can understand their frustration on her. But me I don't get. I do my chores, babysit and do my homework and somehow manage to fit in free time.. but why is everything always on me or my problem?

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If you don't mind facing her wrath, you could also start referring to him as "my son" or "my boy" (when the child is not in earshot, please). When she questions you, just say that "well I'm the one taking care of him after all."

 

It's a rather immature suggestion, but it may stir the pot enough to jar her into realization and hopefully change her perspective.

 

 

Another immature suggestion would be after she's had her 15 minute "fill" of her son and shoos him off to walk past her and say, "Visitation is over, you can go now."

 

 

I only suggest either of the above if you don't mind if she gets really angry. They also may or may not accomplish anything constructive as opposed to the list idea.

 

The interesting thing is, that might just work. She can be so immature sometimes! Maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine...

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I agree if she lives in her sister's house there's nothing wrong with her sister expecting some help.

 

Spending 15 minutes with your son then shooing him off to be cared for by your sister is not getting some help, it's neglectful and not raising your child. If you're not involved in your child's life you're not being a good mother and someone else is raising your child for you. This is not a good thing in my eyes and regardless of things being taken care of for the child the mother needs to have a more active role than a quarter of an hour per day.

 

Sighh, she did the same thing to me when I was at his age. She'd hardly give me a look... son I stopped depending on her for company.. the video games became a babysitter... until he was playing at 7am to 11pm or even later [on days off]. We put a stop to that though, but of course, because she didn't want to deal with him, she kept trying to play it off as no big deal. But of course, there's no way of explaining that to her..

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It's just a play off of your self esteem to tell you you're being dramatic. She's trying to hold you between your own concern about the child and your pride. It's your decision how to break out of it, but if you don't want to deal with it, you have to make that clear in a way she'd understand. Only you know her well enough to know what that way is.

 

 

I never thought of how it was effecting my self esteem... but you're right... I need to figure out how to effectively communicate with her...

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I never thought of how it was effecting my self esteem... but you're right... I need to figure out how to effectively communicate with her...

 

"Effective" is a tricky word. So is "unconventional". If push comes to shove and you still can't get to her, do what you need to do. She doesn't sound like one of those people who has heart-to-hearts every other day

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Since she feels responsible enough to have a child, she's responsible enough to hire a babysitter. Where is the father in all of this?

 

She doesn't trust babysitters -__- and my Dad? HA! He's the laziest thing I've ever seen in my life. I haven't seen him lift a finger once around here. Of course, my Mom defends him! She also defended him when my Dad called my sister a "lazy bast***" and a "freeloader".

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Apparently because you're the only one who does anything, lol.

I'd talk to them about it, it's probably gonna cause you way too much stress to continue on like that

 

Ahh, yes, the gift of NOT LAZYNESS! And yes, it has caused that much stress... the smallest thing that happens breaks me down like nothing.... I don't know how to deal with it all...

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She doesn't trust babysitters -__- and my Dad? HA! He's the laziest thing I've ever seen in my life. I haven't seen him lift a finger once around here. Of course, my Mom defends him! She also defended him when my Dad called my sister a "lazy bast***" and a "freeloader".

 

No, not your Dad. Where is the baby's Dad?

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