The heart doesn't want to cooperate

[KittyBoo]

How do you get your heart to accept what your head already knows? I can list all of the valid reasons for not being together any more and I agree with friends who tell me that I am much better off. But the heart is holding onto the good memories even tighter than ever. I know it's a choice but has anyone else had this kind of wistful yearning for what used to be even when you know that it wasn't a good situation for you? Is remembering the good memories a coping mechanism until you can finally let go?

[spartan211]

Hi KittyBoo,

I'm still holding on just as you are, and I just can't let go. I know it is best for me as well. I think that it could be fear that you may not find someone else? or fear of change and being out of the comfort zone of having someone there. Keep moving forward though. and as your quote says, 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional'... chin up.

[jazzbarrett]

"Is remembering the good memories a coping mechanism until you can finally let go?"

 

Doing this is BAD. This very act, having your head think of good memories, will mentally attach you to the ex and fuel your heart's attachment. What convinced me was all the mean and hurtful things he said and done...my heart finally had it and gave up all hope of him being a decent human being. I hope you do not have to go through such pain, but that is what finally snapped my heart into reality. Do everything you can to stay busy and off the topic of your ex. Your head understands that the situation is futile and only time can convince your heart. And we all know the heart is sometimes a stick in the mud. Keep yourself distracted and doing new things that now make you happy. I started a thread on "what makes you happy now that your are single" and I think maybe you should start writing a list like this. Consider all the new, fun, exciting things you have done and will do since you broke up. There's a whole world out there for you now and it is no longer limited by one person.

[atelis]

i personally think it's less about holding onto the good times and more about you being scared to move forward......a fear of the future. Most people are either too scared or too proud or just don't understand that fear drives most of our reactions after a breakup and i think this is what you are going through now. Listen to your rational mind here.

[Speranza]

You just take your time, I'm afraid! If you deny what you are feeling, you end up with more broken relationships - there is no short cut, you have to process all this and it hurts.

 

But then it passes...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The heart will catch up in its own time...you can't rush these things. However, once your heart catches up then you will be fully healed and ready to move on and won't look backwards anymore.

[spartan211]

Agree with all of yall. There are some really smart and genuine people on this forum who, for better or worse, have gone through heartbreak. But all have very wise words of advice, and very kind words of support. Thank you all...

[jenmar]

I think when you are ready your heart will let go.

It is sad to just throw those emotions about someone you cared about down the drain.. but take it all in, remember the experience, let it make you a stronger person.

 

Look at the exciting part.. now you are free to find your soulmate, I believe we all have one, but we have to be emotionally ready

 

With time, the hurt and pain will pass..

[prada]

Try and dont hold on or remember memories.. I know its hard but it will only hurt you in the end. Why i say this? I have been doing this for months and it got me nowhere.. It somewhere in my heart and mind gave me some kind of hope, thinking that he will come back. Even though he left me for someone else and IS WITH her right now. Its hurts. But good memories will only keep u holding on longer.. Try and dont think about ANYTHING GOOD about him.... Dont give your heart that comfort anymore. It does work out in the end. Keep busy and let ur mind slowly forget about him or else, you are going to remain in the mess, like me. And it sucks!! believe me.

[feejruin]

The heart is a lonely hunter.

 

(and stooopid too )

[newlife24]

i feel the exact same way. i am trying to make my heart understand that as much as I loved my ex, he was an addict and he will never change unless he wants help. its the worst breakup ive ever had.

[waveseer]

As I used to say in my signature, "I am letting my heart choose the direction and my head lead me there."

 

In other words, if my head tells me that I've hit a dead end then it's time to tell my heart to choose a new direction.

[jenmar]

My heart will not cooperate today

It was bad.

today marks three weeks that I have not heard from my ex.

I think that is why I am so sad.. I went about my day as planned but thought of him through each thing I was doing..

My heart hurts, I miss him so much- I was hoping he would miss me by now.

 

Heart cooperate! I am readyy well I want to be ready rather... to move on

[Staple]

"How do you get your heart to accept what your head already knows?"

 

Exactly what I ask myself everyday. I still see my girlfriend despite the pain she put me through. It's because my heart won't let her go....I'm moving to New York in a few months, so I guess at least finally I will be forced to not be with her.

[prada]

I thought my heart and my head were on the same page. Till i heard (not sure if its a rumour) i heard my ex and his gf mite be getting engaged. Then i realised my heart and my head is not on the same page. It hurts, my heart hurts.. but not my head.