Is It Over For Good?

[Southbay25]

I Have Been Going Out With This Girl For 3 Years We Broke Up About 2 weeks ago. I Have Been Going Out With Here Since She Was 15 And I was 17. When She Turned 18 Everything Started Going Down hill. She had gotten new friends and starting drinking and smoking a lot. She knew I wasn't in to that and i tried to stop her from messing up her life. I have seen a lot of my friends lifes gone to waste b/c all they did was party and drink all the time. Anyways I Don't Know Why She Left me. I was a good guy. I gave her the most respect that I could give someone. I always made her feel good about her self. I Told how beautiful she was and how special she was to me. I would buy clothes pay her bills, do her laundry I would just baby her. I always took her out. About 1 year ago she moved for Ga where we lived to IL b/c of her mom. I put everything on hold and went up thier with her to start a new life. I don't get why she broke my heart. I gave her all the love i could give her. There will be no guy that treated her like i did. Do you think we are over? We Talk on the phone but its like she don't care about us no more and how I feel. She always too busy with her friends. Whats Going On with her? Need Help? What Should I Do?

[killer_bimbo]

Sounds like you havn't really had a proper explanation as to why you split up. Did she have much of a life outside of the relationship? Sounds like she might feel a bit suffocated, and prolly feels that your stopping her having a good time, when in reality, your concerned for her. In doing everything for her, your basically acting as a parent figure for her, not letting her do things for herself. Have a talk with her, tell her that you love her, and that you need to let her discover what is right for her. Tell her you don't really understand what happened in the relationship, and see if she can give you any explanation, and then all you can do is give her space. Don't phone her, stay out of her life for a while, give her a few weeks of complete seperation from you, and then keep limited friendly contact to remain there for her, but still giving her space (Remember that as of the moment, you are not her boyfriend anymore, and she probably doesn't want you in her life all the time right now). You need to do a lot of thinking about your role as a boyfriend to somebody who is young and finding their independance and probably wanting to feel self sufficient, rather than having someone else to do everything for her, and she needs time apart from you to find out what she really feels for you. Then, after maybe 3 months or so, see if you can have a heart to heart about how she feels, how she felt about the relationship when it ended, what happened to make her want to split up, how she feels about you now, that kind of thing, then try to see how she feels about getting back together. It's all probably a bit early for her to know all the reasons for splitting up and whether she wants to be with you in the long term right now, these things usually only come with hindsight, right now, all she probably feels is that your suffocating her life, and it'll take being away from you for a couple of months for that feeling to go away and her true feelings to come through. By then she should be sure of her feelings for you, and after talking, you should know if it is over for good or if she just needs breathing space, then, if you both want to, you can make steps to get things back on track, or if one person doesn't want that, you'll both have to go your separate ways. In the meantime, you do need to work on yourself, go out, do stuff, improve yourself, do some thinking about whether you would actually want to get back together, try to live your life as normally as possible and have as much fun as you can. Try to think about whether girls in your age group would want to be treated like a dependant rather than an equal in the relationship, you don't seem to have got the balance right between doing nice things for a girlfriend and emasculating their freedom. That's my take on things

[elan-the-moose]

that was a very good reply.

I myself am in a situation where i have to give her her space.

I told her that we should not talk for a while...

because we both are "emotionally charged" and need time to let the dust settle, to see things objectively...

You also have things to sort out. You should have space of your own too... your own life...

She is only 18... she also wants to discover life... i'm not saying that she can't enjoy life without being with you, but she needs space of her own... you two have to be inter-dependant of each other, and not dependant.

 

this is like a test... with time on her own, with hindsight she will figure out if she really wants to be with you. don't interfere with her life, you will only make things worse. she has to find herself and she is probably confused too. if she gets another BF quickly, don't worry, he's prolly a rebound.

If you were of any meaning to her, she's prolly still very confused right now.

take care man

Oli

[killer_bimbo]

You also need to think about whether you would be able to tolerate her doing what she now wants to do if you two did get back with each other. If she feels like she has to choose between the life she has found she likes and you, it's very unlikely she'll want to get back with you, even if she does love you. You shouldn't expect her to give up going out and having fun. What she is doing is perfectly normal. Yes, she is drinking underage (the legal drinking age is 18 here, but I know it's 21 in the US), and going out lots, but unless that becomes damaging to her life, it's not a problem. Going out to parties and getting drunk is what most 19 year olds do, and it very rarely does people any serious harm. Look at any university graduate (I spent 3 years at university, and that was 3 years of partying and being irresponsible). Try not to worry, I assure you that pretty much every lawyer, doctor, scientist, etc, has done their fair share of partying, and it hasn't messed up their life. Again, it can become a problem, but she does have friends looking out for her if she does start messing up her life through too much partying and drinking

[Southbay25]

Why I Don't like Her Drinking is B/c Her Mom And Dad Are alcoholics, it runs in the family. Thats why I hate to see her do this to herself. Its okay to drink but not every weekend or during the week. I just worry about her future, I want to see her happy and successful. I always let her go out with her friends I was never controling. thanks for the help.

[LilLovelyLisa11]

I really cant understand why she just decided to leave u. It sounds like a guy like you is hard to find. I think that maybe because u did so much for her, that she took u for granted. I think that maybe u should act the same way towards her that she is towards u. If she acts like she doesnt even care, u pretend like u dont care. Cut the conversations short and pretend like u have better things to do. Basically play hard to get. Being a girl, I know how we think. Guys always complain that girls always go after the jerks and never the nice guys. Well it's because with the nice guys, they know they can have whatever they want and do whatever they want and no matter what, the nice guy will always be nice, and run back to them. Ever notice how the jerk likes to play hard to get?!?! Well girls like that. Well maybe we don't really like that, but I know it always keeps us coming. She will probably realize what she had now that its gone. And another thing u can do just to make yourself feel better and not be thinking about her all the time, make sure u keep yourself occupied. Go out with friends and have fun. And always remember, u should always do what makes u happy!!!

[cork79]

I know exactly where you are coming from dude it has happened to the best of us, me included. The sad thing is for you there is no chance for you to salvage it. I am guessing she told you she just wanted to be Friends right. If you here these words from her there is no chance for any more romance. My best advice to you is move on. The mistakes you made that cost you this relationship was telling her how much you loved her and how great she was, believe it or not that makes a woman sick to the stomach even though she may say its sweet. Do you ever notice most women go for the jerks. Why you may ask? Because they never tell women how they feel about them. And it drives women nuts, they stay with these guys because they are challenging. They can't break them. Learn to say no to woman they will respect you more. Don't be a yes man. And make yourself less available, so the woman will chase you. I know my advice sounds harsh but it will help you not get hurt in the future trust me.