Really need to move on

[J1535]

I still talk to my ex and we've been hanging out, probably a bad idea. I am still in love with this girl and even though I know It's way too soon I've been trying my hardest to be friends with her.

 

I really don't know what I'm doing. She is over me. She has been for awhile. She doesn't want to be with me and is not even upset about the breakup anymore. I think a part of me still thinks that things will work out between us. It wont happen. She goes out and hangs out with guys and even went to a movie with a guy over the weekend.

 

I hate how easy this is for her. Why does she get to be happy and hanging out with guys and having a good time without me while i'm stuck being upset over her not even being able to get a girl to hang out with me. I really hate this, I don't want another girl. I already found what I wanted and now I can't have her, and she is ok with it.

 

I was going to go to her senior prom with her but now she tells me that she would rather go without me. I guess it might be best if I don't go with her but I know I am going to be miserable that night knowing she is there without me. I have nothing to gain being friends with her right now. I think it is time to really try to move on finally. I just don't know how to do that. ](*,)

[Is]

I been though the same situation also. I think is time you should go into no contact for a certain amount of time.

 

You should first tell your ex gf about your problem, then propose a no contact for a while. If your ex gf hates you, that is her problem for not accepting, but for your personal mental health you must make sacrifices at times. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER! If you don't tell her, it will cause drama.

 

To move on, you have to truly accept that things in the past is over. Accept the fact that she has moved on and so shall you. It will take time for your heart to accept that it is over and when it does, the pain shall disappear.

 

Good luck

[minou]

The only way to find out if her feelings will change in this situation is to remove yourself. Let her know it's painful to just be friends due to the stronger feelings you have and that you need to take some space completely apart. Then just do it. If her feelings will change, absence will provide an opportunity for her to miss you.

[iBroken]

Shes having fun because as the dumper, she had left the relationship long before you got the memo. Sucks but its true

 

You just gotta ride the waves out and one day, you will wake up and decide its time to move on.

[jenmar]

Very true, the Dumper emotionally exits the relationship before you even find out about it. In most cases.. in others it is equally as hard for the dumper as the dumpee, depending on the situtation.

I think you should explain to her that you still have feelings for her, and staying friends is emotionally hurting you.

that you need to go in NC for a while, since it is clear there is no possiblity of the relationship forming again. since she is dating and compeltly fine with her decision.

[J1535]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

To move on, you have to truly accept that things in the past is over. Accept the fact that she has moved on and so shall you. It will take time for your heart to accept that it is over and when it does, the pain shall disappear.

Good luck

 

A part of me really doesn't want to move on. I don't want to let go what I had but I realize now that it is what I need. NC is definitely what I need right now.

 

The only way to find out if her feelings will change in this situation is to remove yourself. Let her know it's painful to just be friends due to the stronger feelings you have and that you need to take some space completely apart. Then just do it. If her feelings will change, absence will provide an opportunity for her to miss you.

 

Well her feelings about our relationship definitely will not change, she is over me and has told me that. I'll tell her we need to have space. It really is killing me being around her and trying to be friends. I really do want it, just not right now.

 

Shes having fun because as the dumper, she had left the relationship long before you got the memo. Sucks but its true

 

You just gotta ride the waves out and one day, you will wake up and decide its time to move on.

 

Very true, she mentioned how before we broke up she really didn't want to be with me anymore. She is not even upset the least bit about this anymore and it's hard knowing that. I hate being the only one upset right now and that's why I need to move on.

 

Very true, the Dumper emotionally exits the relationship before you even find out about it. In most cases.. in others it is equally as hard for the dumper as the dumpee, depending on the situtation.

I think you should explain to her that you still have feelings for her, and staying friends is emotionally hurting you.

that you need to go in NC for a while, since it is clear there is no possiblity of the relationship forming again. since she is dating and compeltly fine with her decision.

 

It was hard for her too at first but now she is very happy about her decision. I really think NC is best, as hard as it is going to be she doesn't even want to talk to me that much so I need to quit trying.

 

Thanks again everyone, more comments are very welcome

[J1535]

So I told her that it would be best if we don't talk for awhile and all she had to say to that was "mhm"

[jimmajam]

I know it's completely backwards to what we think as dumpees, but she will probably respect you more if you do back off. I think it's pretty rare where you stick around and are too close and eventually they realize what they lost. I'm not preaching no contact, but in most cases I think staying close hurts everybody involved.

 

If you back off she'll see that you can stand on your own. Do your own thing. Live without her if needed. People like and appreciate those who can stand alone.

[J1535]

I know it's completely backwards to what we think as dumpees, but she will probably respect you more if you do back off. I think it's pretty rare where you stick around and are too close and eventually they realize what they lost. I'm not preaching no contact, but in most cases I think staying close hurts everybody involved.

 

If you back off she'll see that you can stand on your own. Do your own thing. Live without her if needed. People like and appreciate those who can stand alone.

 

Staying close definitely isn't helping me. I think I just wanted to keep her close to me and have her in my life still. Well as of now I got rid of her phone number so when I feel tempted to call or text I won't be able to. I am taking a break from facebook as well so I won't look at what she is doing.

 

If she does call or text anytime soon should I ignore it or just answer or reply to the texts?

Oh who am I kidding, she's not going to

[GenoGeno]

I'm in the same situation man...I feel like i want to keep talking to her but its not working. It's so hard hearing the person you love say, I'm not feeling the same anymore. I tried and tried and i believe i probably pushed her farther away. I'm trying to grasp this no contact thing but it's so hard.

[J1535]

I'm in the same situation man...I feel like i want to keep talking to her but its not working. It's so hard hearing the person you love say, I'm not feeling the same anymore. I tried and tried and i believe i probably pushed her farther away. I'm trying to grasp this no contact thing but it's so hard.

 

Yea it wasn't easy hearing her tell me that she didn't love me anymore. I have absolutely nothing to gain by hanging out and talking to her right now. I also have nothing more to lose so the best thing to do is just keep my distance from her and worry about being friends at a later time once I'm over it. Good luck with the NC, it really is hard but keep with it and it will be worth it in the end. feel free to shoot me a PM if you ever need to be talked out of contacting her!

[prada]

2 words. NO CONTACT! Lets get it started and you will be on the road to recovery!!

[J1535]

Ha much easier said than done. but ok, here we go. I mean it this time. She just called a few minutes ago and of course I answered it. So now I feel like crap again. I told her to stop calling me so I think she will this time.

 

Why is it so hard for me to let go? I am so afraid of moving on and getting over her. I know its over and she is not coming back. Why is it so hard for me to accept that and get on with my life without her?

 

It was so hard telling her not to call me because I really want her to randomly call me. What can I do to get over this and start to move on?

[adamt]

by keeping in contact you end up in the friends zone then dump you as a friend once they have met someone else. you need to cut all contact and either move on or she comes back to you.

 

keep yourself busy and take uo hobbies. join a gym..etc stay ultra busy

[prada]

First thing! STOP ALL CONTACT! she is not coming back. I may sound harsh but i want to be. Its not going to happen.. PLease dont do this to yourself. I have been there... My ex left me for someone else, told me never to call him and move on with my life. I know for sure i never called, but i am still trying to move on.. YOu need to start NC contact first. Thats the only way u can get the recovery ball moving. Stop thinking that its hard. Its not hard... do you want to feel like crap all the time? I know u cant let these things sink in fast enough to help you! but read it over and over and you mite start to see the sense in it.. Stop taking her calls... when you see her calling remember how u felt the last time she called... (like crap) Im pretty sure she mite not call for a while, since you told her not to. So this mite help.. You have to let go. Occupy your mind. Just dont have contact in any way. Start by deleting emails pics etc etc. ITS HARD! but u said. u know she is not coming back. Start healing yourself.. Dont be scared to move on... You are going to feel soo much better. trust me.. once u get urself out of this...................

[J1535]

Thanks prada. Today is the first full day without talking to her, so far. I don't think she will call me today but if she does I am going to ignore it. i just made the mistake of looking at her facebook and I see she is now going to prom with another guy. This hurts a lot and I'm really upset about it. She is so happy to be going with whoever the guy is instead of me. I just can't get over how mad it makes me that things are going great for her! While I have to sit here and be upset wanting her back. But I am not going to contact her. I will not give in this time. I need to move on and there is no point having contact with her at the moment!!! i just need to remember that. I am not letting her be the only one happy right now

[GenoGeno]

Yeah my ex is going to graduation from college with some other guy now which i found out from facebook.....facebook is the devil i tell you...block them on it.

[J1535]

It really is, I haven't gotten on it in a few days and the first time i get on I see something that upsets me

[adamt]

atleast you know she has interests in other people. i know it hurts a lot but that will help you move on quicker. My ex is still single after nearly a year so it takes longer to get over. either i put her off boyfriends or i was once someone special! lol! It makes you feel there is always a chance of getting back together. I know what you are going though when you see the ex enjoying life and you are left to pick up the pieces. its like they have chucked a grenade in a room then locking you in and walking off and you have to deal with building yourself back together.

 

you really need to unfriend and block her on facebook. otherwise it is like self harm. if you cant do it then get someone else to do it. it will upset you at first but you will feel a little better in a day or two. remove any reminders of her such as emails,photos,presents..etc if you want to keep photos and stuff then put them on a cd and put them in box for someone to look after it safely until you are over your ex. you really need to act convince your brain the ex never existed

[J1535]

Ha let's hope you didn't turn her to girls! It really does feel like she just left me to deal with this by myself while she's out having a great time. I was thinking about defriending her but I can't get myself to do it. I don't know why. i feel like I want her to be my friend on there, maybe so I can see what she's up to? I don't know but I can't get myself to do it

[tg31]

You're only 20 years old dog?

[J1535]

Yes I am 20

[adamt]

Ha let's hope you didn't turn her to girls! It really does feel like she just left me to deal with this by myself while she's out having a great time. I was thinking about defriending her but I can't get myself to do it. I don't know why. i feel like I want her to be my friend on there, maybe so I can see what she's up to? I don't know but I can't get myself to do it

 

 

you do really need to block her on face book. believe me i have been there. checking her page every 20 minutes at work. so i just went and did it because it was torture. so then i had to go to the toilet at work and shed a few tears. then the next day i felt a little better. it's like you are stil lliving the relationship through facebook and taking her off is the first stage of accepting it is over. please dont put yourself through keeping her on facebook. what happens when you see photos of her kissing or getting close to some other guy?

[J1535]

Yea you're right, I'm really worried about seeing pictures from when she goes to prom. Should I tell her why I took her off? I know she is probably going to contact me asking why.

[tg31]

If you want to be with this girl....do not contact her, at all! Listen to me....Do not contact her at all. I understand you're hurting, I've been there before, hell I'm there right now! But I can assure of this...people want what they can't have. I'm sure you've heard that but it's 100% true especially with young adults. Don't even respond to her. Do that for a month and watch what happens!