The saga

[cmy05]

In the summer of last year I started talking to one of the Student Interns (age 20) at my job, me being 28, and we flirted etc and texted even though she had a boyfriend but I didn't make any moves. About 1-2 months later she ended her relationship with her boyfriend of three years. I didn't end well as he kept harassing her to get back with him. Even though it was ugly I jumped right in and started dating her. I know it was stupid but hey I liked her. He finally went away but with him went her entire core of friends. They took sides with him and left her in the dust. They didn't even talk to her for a month. Over the next 4 months we exchanged I love you's, I became her first(sex), and we became great friends. Everything was going great but her family which plays a big role in her life was all up in her business about me and how they didnt approve. We had a cruise planned in January which they canceled and made her eat the ticket aka $1250 bones. Shortly before this she told me she wanted to take a break for awhile and sited she thought she needed to be single for awhile. She said she hasnt been single in years and she wanted to experience it once before moving forward as she thought we could be good for each other long term. I was reluctant but whatever I said ok and wanted this to work. DUN DUN DUN. I knew something was up. The last night she spent at my house before this break was going to start I just had to really know what was going on so I checked her phone. Bam A week prior she ran into her ex at a party and she was talking to him behind my back. They even exchanged I love you's. I blew my lid, and told her she had to leave and we were done. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Over the course of the next week she came crying back to me. She told me that between her family * * * * ting on her because of me and losing all her friends she was going to take the easy way out do what everyone wanted, meaning everyone wanted her to get back with her ex. I forgave her and told her if she wanted to be with me she had to cutt him lose once and forall and she would have to tell me if he ever contacted him. She did and again she lost her friends. Skip to March 1st this year. She started telling me her whole back story with her father and how much of * * * * bag he was and he was now not going to talk to her anymore. I have met him a bunch of time sand I could definitely tell everything she was telling me was true. Her parents had a bad divorce when she was 12. So at the being of march she dint want to have sex anymore because she was feeling like * * * * all the time. She has even been going to counseling. At the same time she started acting weird. I started picking up things and detecting little lies. Sure enough this pass Thursday I sat her down and told her what I thought and that i knew she was lieing to me. I asked her if she has been talking to her old boyfriend and she denied everything. Sure enough I read he phone and there he was. I think she has talked to him more than me these past 3 weeks. So I snapped and told her were to go. She started breaking down saying it inst like that and they only want to be friends. Yet on Thursday she went down to NYC (which he paid for) with their old crew of her, her best friend, and her best friends boyfriend to watch the Colbert report. Aka a double date. This is the second time this has happened. She told me that i wouldn't have understood. All of this is bs. I have always told her that if she came to me with anything I would be understanding. I even told her back in sept of last year when her friends were dumping on her that I would be ok If we all could be friends even her ex. She also says that she just wanted someone extra to talk to, apparently im not enough, about all the * * * * she went through with her dad. Her exboyfriend was there for the hard times back then. I am lost and don't know what to do. She says she wants nothing more than to be with me but how can I ask her to lose all her friends again. How can I trust anything she says. I firmly believe he wants her back, even if she feels they are just going to be friends. He texts her 12 times a day. She says her friends want nothing to do with me and if we tried to work things out they would just push her away again. AKA they are assholes. She has no one else to turn to if she gets rid of them besides me and her mom. I feel hurt and betrayed. I know the right move is to let her go and live her life, but deep down inside I love her and want to always be with her. I read the message she sent to him and she thinks they are nothing but I know better. I know how guys work and that just talking to a girl is the first step into their lives. He doesn't have a girlfriend and he is exploiting her weak spot. I have given her every out possible told her to just cutt me lose and go back to her old life and she says she will do anything to be with me. She also says she is screwed up from her past (the root of her lying) and wants to start taking me to therapy with her. First of all is there any middle ground ( i have suggested that we all start hanging out but i guess that inst possible as her ex sees me as the reason they broke up, also she never talks to him about me), second give me your thoughts I guess. Right now its tough for me to talk to her knowing she is talking to him.

 

Im sorry for the one large paragraph.

[Tony01]

honestly dude thats a really tough place to be sorry for that

 

i think the best thing for you to do is give her a little space but always be there for her when she needs you inoo that dosent really make sense i just mean dont be talking to her all the time about her pas or her freinds and her ex just be there for her when she is sade she seems to really like you just give her a little space to get her head sorted

 

 

i also think you guys have something special so i would go to the therapy with her not for you but if you really like her you would understand that she needs you there with her

[huskiesfan]

I'm sorry you are going through this. A tough situation like this is never easy.

 

Your girlfriend is being very disrespectful towards your feelings. The fact that she was actively trying to conceal her communication with the ex and that she continues to "see" him, without you around, and completely disregards your feelings on the subject should be speaking volumes. This is just me, but I think that there might be something going on behind your back, as she seems very hesitant to bring you into the picture as far as her ex goes.

 

As far as her family and friends pressuring her to stay in contact and get back with the ex, I can say that is a total cop-out of an excuse. Having gone through a similar thing with my fiancee, I can say that if she truly was strong-willed and wanted to have a future with you, she would kick those "friends" to the curb, and be with you, with no questions asked. What kind of friends would make their friendship conditional on a relationship, and why would she want to be friends with those kinds of people?

 

She may have past issues with her family (i.e. her father), and if so, that is very unfortunate, and I hope she can recover from it. But that is absolutely no excuse to disrespect your feelings, and carry on a psuedo-relationship with her ex. In the end, she is only going to not only cause more pain to you, but more pain to herself. In this case, my advice is to give her a choice. Either begin having you around when she is around the ex and their friends, or lose you.

 

She can take you with her to therapy, and that may prove helpful in the long run, but there are more immediate, pressing concerns that should be taken care of in the mean time. She is having her cake and eating it too at this point, and that will prove fatal to the relationship permanently if it does not end.

 

I hope this helps, and I wish you well in fixing this relationship.

 

-huskiesfan

[sweet17]

I know how girls work.. All the past stuff is just an excuse. It was all there when you two met and it had no effect on the relationship, this is just her way out. You should let her go work out her issues - hopefully when she is emotionally healthy (or has gotten her ex out of her system) you can try again if you are still interested. I am sure that as much as breaking up would hurt you, being paranoid, not trusting her, and having to check her phone to get the truth has got to be worse - I know it would be for me. I am sorry

[Casanova4life]

you will never be more than just a rebound.. Cut your losses and move on while there is some dignity left.

[cmy05]

bump bump bump

[sahasupa]

I know the right move is to let her go and live her life

 

You know exactly what the right move is. Do it. Be grateful for the good times you had with her but do move on. The relationship seems to have run its course.