how do I make friends with girls?

[greywolf]

I've never really had many close female friends. All my close friendships have been with people I've known since childhood or guys. I have a hard time making friends with guys now though. When I was a huge tomboy I made friends with them easily, but now most of them end up wanting to date me or sleep with me. I don't think that's a bad thing. I just can't be around people that want to have sex with me. It makes me unable to think clearly... or more like... I start thinking with my vagina.

 

Anyways... after a couple of months at my new school, I was finally able to make friends with this one girl. I'll call her H. It was pretty nice because it was the first time I've ever been able to make friends at school here in the US.

 

Then a new term at school started. We still had two classes together and H started making friends with new girls that sat next to us. So we're more like a group of friends now, except I don't relate to any of these girls. Half the time I can't figure out what they're talking about. Also, girls have this ability to make me feel like a skank. I have no idea why, my number is most likely lower than theirs.

 

Also, what's the etiquette for being friends with girls if you're lesbian or bisexual? I don't feel the need to announce it because I don't really identify with being bisexual, but sometimes it makes me feel bad. What if they find out later on and then think that I've been dishonest or that I secretly want to sleep with them? I don't think of my friends that way though... ok ok, that's not entirely true. I would possibly sleep with H under the right circumstances, but I'm not trying to get her to sleep with me.

 

So how do I relate to girls?

[OntheWire]

I dunno, man. Shop and talk a lot, I think. Maybe talk about a guy you like or go shopping for Channing Tatum posters. Or go get your nails done while talking about shopping for Channing Tatum posters?

[Amore]

Are you happy with your life and friendships otherwise? I feel like society has put this unspoken pressure on us that we should have a close group of girl friends (or guy friends if you're a guy) to do things like have a "Girls Night," go shopping, go drinking together etc. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you if you don't. Most of my friends are guys and some girl friends I knew from high school; I love them to pieces and while we may not talk everyday, I know they are always there for me. (I used to have a close group of girl friends when I first got to college, but they ended up betraying me in the worst way possible.. so much for that!) While sometimes it gets me down that I don't have a close group of girl friends to do things like celebrate my birthday with me, I'm really happy with my life otherwise and I'm not going to try and make girl friends for the sake of having girl friends. If the right people come along, of course I'd be more than happy to become friends, but I don't really see the point of purposely looking to befriend someone based solely (at first) on their gender.

 

I guess if you're actively unhappy about not being close friends with girls then my advice is completely moot! But hopefully I gave you something to think about. I've been meaning to start a thread like this because it's been on my mind lately too.

[OntheWire]

Well, I think it's good for a girl to have girlfriends and a guy to have guy friends. Especially once you get into a relationship... I mean you can't tell your wife, "Hey, I'm gonna hang out with Tiff, Trixy, and Theresa tonight" and your husband won't like to hear about your camping trip with Biff, Bruno, and Batman. It's just one of those things... and it doesn't really help to sit and idealize about how a perfectly secure significant other would be fine with opposing gender harems of "friends" because the world isn't ideal and the idealists will usually either end up martyred or regulars on sites like this.

[greywolf]

I'm not trying to make friends just to have more friends. It just would be nice to have friends at school because they're the only people I get to see throughout the week, unless I drive 40 miles to see the only friend I have.

 

Onthewire, I do get your point, but that's not a problem in my relationship.

[OntheWire]

You sound like an independent person and it probably goes against your nature, but perhaps look into joining something at your school? Maybe there's a community service organization or religious organization or team sport or academic sorority that you could try out.

 

I'm a pretty independent person and I wouldn't have met a lot of people at college if I hadn't forced myself to get involved with some organizations. It was definitely an active conscious effort. Since I left college, I haven't been doing it... and here I am =)

[pinkelephant]

How about seeking out girls with similar mind-sets? We're far and few in between but throughout the years, I've collected a good number of girl friends who are just like me - ex-tomboys who get on better with guys. There are certain things that you can discuss with your girl friends but not your guy friends. It's nice to hace both.