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Hey hey

 

I need to get a new phone, mine is battered.

I don't know if I should give my ex my new number.

I'd like to keep the door open to contact.

At the moment we're in no contact (although its not been verbalized, we've not said "I'm not going to talk to you"....we just stopped contacting each other. Or rather, he promised to ring, never did and I didn't chase him up on it this time.)

 

When he got a new number, back in November, I got a mass text informing me of it.

I replied thanking him, and I apologised for leaving the reply so late as I'd had a personal crisis and food poisoning. He didn't reply.

I always assumed that he had just texted everybody in his phonebook and wasn't interested in talking to me, but a few mutual friends have told me since that he did not text them about his new number.

This means he chose to keep me in the loop.

 

The last I heard from him was in January- he texted me to ask me how I was.

 

I really miss him, I would be open to reconciliation but not until he's sorted his emotional problems out. I would be happy to be friends but I don't think he can cope with being friends.

I feel the ball is in his court- I don't know if he thinks the same.

 

If I get a new phone I don't know if I should tell him about my new number or not.

What do you guys think?

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why does getting a new phone mean you have to change your number?

 

Because buying a new phone with a new SIM is easier than trying to find a phone which accepts my SIM, I think. My network providers are rubbish anyway.

 

But if he hasn't contacted you since Jan, you suddenly sending a text to him with the new number might be kinda weird. Won't you feel bad if you know he has the new number and still doesn't contact you?

 

I might do... but then again I don't really take it personally that he hasn't contacted me for a while.

He's very depressed and thinks he is a burden/lacks motivation. He probably doesn't see the point in trying to contact me; What's the use?kind of thinking.

We were friends for a while, he always sounded genuinely happy to hear from me/see me even though I was normally the one making the effort. He would reciprocate; he'd do stuff like turn up to meet me with a slice of cake for me so he was clearly very glad to see me. It was confusing but thats how depressed people think.

I don't take offense now that he doesn't contact me, even though I do miss him, so I don't think that should change if I had a new number.

Do you mean if he didn't even reply with 'Thanks' or something? I might be a bit miffed with that but its not the end of the world.

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I personally wouldnt send him the number....he clearly isnt using the number he has for you. What would change this time around?

 

I would keep NC and your new number until you have healed. Then when you are ready, send him a message telling him this is your new number and asking how things are.

 

But that is just me. I never knew of NC before and to be honest, I wish I had. When I learned about it, I implemented it and have learned so much about myself and the other person.

 

Good luck

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After reading this thread, I wouldn't give him the number. Unless he can't get ahold of you if he wants to via internet, friends, knows where you live, work, you wouldn't be cutting off all forms of communication by not giving it to him.

 

It might also serve you well if he finds out you got a new number and didn't bother to give it to him. jmho

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After reading this thread, I wouldn't give him the number. Unless he can't get ahold of you if he wants to via internet, friends, knows where you live, work, you wouldn't be cutting off all forms of communication by not giving it to him.

 

It might also serve you well if he finds out you got a new number and didn't bother to give it to him. jmho

 

The 'it might serve me well' bit occurred to me today.

If he WAS going to get in touch, he would do it through the phone for sure, thats just how we work.

If he texted me and I didn't reply as I had a new number he wouldn't email me, go to my house or whatnot... I only live in this city half the time as I study for Uni elsewhere.

We have mutual friends but nobody who is as close to him as they are to me...

So anyway, he could text me, I wouldn't get it... but wouldn't contact him as I think the ball is in his court.

(This is something else I want to know- whose court does he think the ball is in?)

 

Thing is I don't WANT to cut ties with him, I don't want to close doors.

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I, like you, also do not want to cut contact, however, I realized that (after almost a month since the breakup) it was too painful to constantly be hoping and waiting he would come back. I decided to "put the nail on the coffin," so to speak. I changed my phone number after some mean contact with him about getting his stuff and some rather weird conversations with his roommate. He still has my email in the event he really needed to get a hold of me, but, as painful as it was, I cut the cord. You should read the post on here about why we obsess about the people who no longer consider us important enough to be in their lives any longer. As much as I miss my ex, I know now that he is no longer that person and even if he were to come back, as happy as my ego would be, I do not think I would be able to overlook or forgive everything that has happened. And if he really did want to try, he needs to work his butt off to get a second chance, ergo, he needs to find a more direct way to contact me other than texting.

 

I think you should change the # for yourself. To give yourself the peace and closure. If he really, really wanted to contact you...you know he would find a way, like an email or go see you at your house. I suggest you see the movie "He's Just Not That In To You." It really helped me overcome a lot of my pining feelings for an ex that no longer deserved to have me in his life.

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You should read the post on here about why we obsess about the people who no longer consider us important enough to be in their lives any longer. As much as I miss my ex, I know now that he is no longer that person and even if he were to come back, as happy as my ego would be, I do not think I would be able to overlook or forgive everything that has happened. And if he really did want to try, he needs to work his butt off to get a second chance, ergo, he needs to find a more direct way to contact me other than texting.

 

Well as I've said before WE don't talk because at the moment that is easiest for both of us- although we feel that way for different reasons.

It has NOTHING to do with a judgement on how 'important' the other is to us.

 

I think he is important- but I also think MY feelings are important and quite frankly can't hack another row with him because of his unstable emotions, so I've kept away. He DID promise to ring me, and I was upset that he never did but I was also saying to my friends, and to myself, that I really needed to take steps back because otherwise I'd get another earful of "We can't go on like this anymore...I'm only going to hurt you...you deserve better" when -as far as I could see- there was NO problem in the first place. (Other than him trying to push me away, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

 

By your logic he could well sit around lamenting the lack of contact on my part- thinking I've labeled him as unimportant, and as you've seen yourself that is not at all true.

 

I've had a long time to think about my relationship with this guy and I'm starting to really think it was a case of 'right people, wrong time'.

Neither of us were mature enough/happy with ourselves enough.

 

To be honest, a lot of the time I end up more confused about what I want and my feelings on a situation after posting on here.

So many people say this, that or the other and make so many implicit or explicit judgements on the situations of others that can sometimes be hurtful. I'm sure some of the things I've written in an attempt to help have left others feeling the same.

People on here don't force the posters to ask questions about the situation, they give them judgements based on their prejudices, experiences and laced with their assumptions.

When you're upset its difficult to see clearly and having the prejudices etc. of others proposed to you as a fact, rather than an opinion can be very overwhelming. I forget what I think and what I want and what is important to me and my values and how I want to live my life.

It has its perks- hearing the stories of others can sometimes help put your situation into perspective but after a few months of posting on here I'm starting to come to the conclusion that its a hinderance, not a help.

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