Is it me?

[OrangeMoon]

I am getting profoundly tired with the whole dating process. I finally realize that my heart might be too damaged to be able to even see the one for me..

I am feeling quite sad about it all..

 

Today I ended a dating process..that was going on between me and a guy I truly started to like..but also felt infinitely uncertain about..

 

In my heart, my gut..i felt like he might not be that into me. That feeling just did not leave my spirit. So i finally took all of my courage and send him an email to tell him that i was pulling back from our contact..(he probably wont care, but i did it for myself)

 

It's not that i feel that I have made a wrong decision..it's the feeling of sadness of being succumb by all of these emotions of insecurity, doubt...needing something and not getting it.

 

Maybe I am too demanding, too insecure..too impatient..I really don't know..because i have not asked him for anything...I was just observant of what he choose to give me on his own.

 

All i am looking for is that straightforward..happy and warm feeling that you are getting when everything feels right...just that...Just to know that there is that flame between you and your guy..waiting to build into more and fed by the attention you give each other and the process of getting to know each other more deeply...just that.

 

And not just some contact that feels like i am kept as an option or one that will turn into a glorified friend with benefit type of deal..

 

Is that too much to ask? Did i end things too soon because i was too scared to trust?

 

 

I am so unbelievably ready to fall in love, to exhale, to share my life with someone and getting to know or live with their pluses and minuses...I am ready. But all i am experiencing is sadness.

 

I told myself that if this guy would show some form of not being into me ...than i will stop dating for a long time..because obviously there is something about me putting them off..the men I date.

 

I am crying while writing this,because..i am truly and utterly tired...

[MajorFailage]

Okay, I know exactly how you feel. It sucks always being tired and waiting for The One and not knowing if today will be the day. I have had two experiences of falling in love and it IS great and wonderful, but not to burst your bubble but it WILL end. No matter what don't expect it to last. I didn't do that and it came crashing in on me. I'm suicidal and it sucks, so be careful what you wish for.

[Mauxly]

I'm with you on this one. Dating is exhausting. The odds that you'll find the right person right off the bat are astronomically low. And someone always gets an ego bruising from the rejection.

[citymouse]

I told myself that if this guy would show some form of not being into me ...than i will stop dating for a long time..because obviously there is something about me putting them off..the men I date.

 

I am crying while writing this,because..i am truly and utterly tired...

 

 

If you choose to go into dating hibernation for these next few years, go into it knowing that you can never get those years back.

 

I'm not pointing fingers or being critical... I could have written your post about 10 years ago.

 

I'm sorry for all the years I numbed myself and sat on the sidelines.... I hope you won't make the same mistake I did.

 

[OrangeMoon]

I am not going to make that mistake...yesterday was a really bad day...cried my eyes out. Today i felt the dawn of a new day..its started slow but ended full of power again..

 

I am not going to play hide and seek with myself...but yesterday and today has also shown me that i have gained a lot more strength than i initially thought. I still feel a lingering sadness...about the dream. But there will be another guy for me when I am ready..one day. And if not..i will make it anyway.

 

I am not going to stop dating...but i am not going to look for it either...i am tired of that.

 

You are totally right about the hermit thing...I have spend too many years of my live being sad about lost loves or lost promises...i am done with that..

 

I am giving myself a week..to let all of the feelings subside a bit..and then i will see further. I am not in a hurry to find the wrong guy...

 

For once I have truly listened to my inner voice..and been observant in my own dating process..when before i could get swept away..just because of my deep desires.. With every hour that passes i m feeling more proud of that. I have suffered enough in my life to finally see that bit of growth in me..

 

But i am going to be honest..i guess i needed the low from yesterday to see this.

 

Its just sad..when you have to realize that so many men use words like candy..but in the end don't follow through.. It felt like a rejection of my spirit. But if i want to continue ..i have to stop punishing myself by entertaining those beliefs

 

So yes..i was sad, tired, disappointed and everything negative..

 

But today was a new day..

[please.delete.thi]

Please make an effort to see that whatever happens around you is a reflexion of your interior world. This means that the more you feed negative thoughts and emotions, the more you will experience them in situations.

 

Examine your relationships and try to see that YOU are the common ground. Look inside. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you really want a beautiful relationship? Isn't the fear of getting hurt or disrespected stronger? My advice is try to work on these feelings. Don't blame the outside world. You will see that once you REALLY know what you want (or don't want) and are totally clear about it, your clarity will be projected on the outside world and your desire will be manifested.

[OrangeMoon]

Please make an effort to see that whatever happens around you is a reflexion of your interior world. This means that the more you feed negative thoughts and emotions, the more you will experience them in situations.

 

Examine your relationships and try to see that YOU are the common ground. Look inside. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you really want a beautiful relationship? Isn't the fear of getting hurt or disrespected stronger? My advice is try to work on these feelings. Don't blame the outside world. You will see that once you REALLY know what you want (or don't want) and are totally clear about it, your clarity will be projected on the outside world and your desire will be manifested.

 

Totally right...

 

I am starting to believe that my own distrust and impatience in life might be the cause of many things i am experiencing...I need to figure out how I can regain my trust in others (or maybe myself) and feel some calmness again..

 

I need to learn to let go....so unbelievable difficult that one ...

But if i don' get a handle on that i will be setting myself up for disappointments constantly....

 

:sad:

[please.delete.thi]

Life will eventually teach you (the hard way, through experiences) and take you to a place of calmness, but you can speed up the process by examining yourself. Look at yourself. Forget others. Changes outside will come as a consequence of your self-examination. It takes patience and time, but if you're really willing to let go off the suffering, disappointments, etc., you can do it. At first it is hard, but it gets better and easier as you progress. The most important thing is the willingness. Once you have that, just make it happen.