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Broke up in January dated, broke up once for around 2-3 months. Not very long but had some strong emotions then. She was my first gf. Different races but didn't really notice that when we were alone. She dated more than 10 guys before due to her constantly changing schools when she was younger.

 

Highly intellectual (I'm putting her on a pedestal did everything using her head. Difficult to speak to.

 

She pursued me, never really was attracted to her prior to that. Since I never had a gf before (due to religious restraints) decided to go along with it. Went out on a couple of dates...On halloween day took her out to a secluded yet beautiful place...asked her to be my gf...she said she'd rather not..different languages..culture blah blah blah...I was angry. I spent time on this woman and now she says no...Mind you I wasn't really attracted to her...but went ahead and pushed further..she said yes...my ego was satisfied...but I was with someone I didn't have strong feelings for...she was nice but I was hesitant to accept her...dated her to satisfy my curiosity...Feeling ashamed

 

2-3 weeks pass, I feel more and more uncomfortable...I don't have feelings for her and don't want to keep her with me, someone who can't commit to someone who I don't have feelings for...she hints towards marriage (later finds out she was just talking..nothing serious)..I feel pressured and the feelings of NOT wanting to string anyone along gets intense..decide to end the relationship, remain friends.

 

1st day feeling gr8, see her in the library she sees me and runs off I feel fantastic and couldn't care less but still a little bit confused. What's the big deal?, 2nd day feelings good but thinking of her more, tried calling her but her phone's bill haven't been paid. Finally she calls to give me my bday present..meet her up tell her up that I have some feelings for her, which i didn't I just wanted to mend my ego ...I didn't want her but couldn't bear thinking of others having her all those thoughts drove me nuts...she told me that she wanted me as well.

 

We get back together..,guilt of breaking up with her floods in...I start getting more and more clingy...thoughts of her leaving..doing things unfaithful are always at the corner of my mind dictating my every move...I take her around town...she's over here as a student..only here for 2 years...she doesn't go anywhere but new places...if she's been there before forget it...I start pressuring her to commit to the relationship...she leaves for home comes back..I see her and tell her that I know that I'm not great, I'll commit more, tell her that I'm committed to marriage (as advised by a friend from the same country as her)..she breaks tells me that I've given her too much pressure on time (always restrictive about that)..she never felt loved around me(nor did I anymore after the breakup...maybe cause I never loved her in the first place)...

 

Anyhow, now it's been 2 months...I think of her still...met her up once made some excuse that I need a book...really missed her..but she didn't want to stay too long...she seemed v. uncomfortable (maybe she was guilty)...after introspection I knew that I had no feelings for her, but I still didn't want to lose her, maybe I was too dependent on her now, or I just wanted to satisfy my ego..didn't want ppl to talk about me being dumped...I sent her e-mails once every 3 days...after a while wanted to use NC to get her back after 3 weeks NC realized that I have grown a lot in terms of relationships...broke NC twice afterwards...after realizing that it was a moving on tool and not one to get someone back...BUT WHY DO I STILL WANT HER BACK? I have no feelings for her!! It feels soooo bad at times..

 

Skipped 1 week of classes...I was never brought up as a responsible student never did my homework..somehow in one of the best university in my continent like trash at times...

 

Want to talk to her at times...want to show her that I've changed and that I can be so much better..but I don't have feelings for her...sometimes thinking of the past with her...

 

I need to get back on track, sometimes when I'm with my friends I'm good...

 

 

Why do I still want her back??Ego? or Love? If it's ego I'm v. ashamed but even after knowing this sometimes I want her back...

 

Dunno what love is...never really been in a relationship...never really experienced it either...

 

She is an active blogger and writes that she is avoiding me herself...Thinking of setting up my own blog..

 

 

Just wanted to share. Comments welcome

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Just let it go man. You're being pretty selfish trying to string her along for your own satisfaction. People are not your toys to play with. Why would you talk to her about getting married if you didn't even have feelings for her? You don't want her back, you just don't want to be alone. I'd say until you're fine with being alone, you do not need to be in a relationship.

 

I am almost certain that you don't love her. It seems that all you're after right now is a boost to your ego. Just leave this girl alone, let her find someone that actually wants her.

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RockyRaccoon,

 

I'm not stringing her along..she dumped me...

 

Plus I don't think I treated her like a toy...that's just wrong...it's only after weeks of reflection that I realized that I did whatever I did to safeguard my ego..Personally looking back I feel that my intentions were wrong...

 

2nd) She broke up with more than 10 guys, and she's around your age...she said tht I was her toy and that she won't get married until 30...anyhow, I said marriage but I could see that happening...But I know you're right..let her go

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Skipped 1 week of classes...I was never brought up as a responsible student never did my homework..somehow in one of the best university in my continent

 

This, along with your attitude towards this woman, suggests to me that you need to learn how to be a responsible adult. It is not that you weren't brought up as a responsible student, it is that you CHOSE not to be a responsible student...just like you CHOSE to go after this woman just so that you could have some experience and get your ego stroked. Those are not responsible choices. Perhaps rather than run after her you should work on yourself and figure out why you have this "devil may care" attitude.

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