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Am so down...


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Been 6 weeks or so since we split,2 weeks total no contact, and last time I saw her.

I feel so down, think I'm getting worse not better, can't stop crying, not eating properly again, not sleeping properly, have been back on the booze ( I totally stopped for a month when we split as it was doing me no good at all..) I feel lost and broken, no motivation, depressed..I miss her so much, it's taking all my strength not to call her, want to hear her voice but I know that I can't call. I need to heal, but I can't seem to do it....outwardly people think I look great, yeah I'm brilliant for getting back into shape, losing weight,cutting out the booze (until now) I look healthy and lean, and getting a few looks from women at work which is nice,(wish my ex would notice me like that though) inwardly I'm a broken man, I cry all the time, am very stressed and jumpy, hate what I see in the mirror, I just want to run away from this life, my moods are up and down,why can't I be happy?? I try to put on a brave face but my mask is slipping down and I can't pretend to everyone that all is well with me

Maybe I need help in coping??

 

I've tried to move on I really have, went on a date 2 weeks ago with a lovely girl, we got on well, I've even seen her again since then, we text and chat and flirt when we see each other, but I just can't get my ex out of my head, I feel like I've cheated on her?? I feel so guilty about being on a date with someone else??maybe my ex has found out and hates me now? so many things running through my head, are we totally done forever?why did we go though so much to fail at the the last hurdle??does fate have yet another twist in store for me in the future??

I love her so much, she loves me but can't trust me anymore..should have told her the truth instead of hiding my baggage.

I'm so drained, feel there's nothing left in the tank..but yet something is niggling in my head that the split gives me a chance to finally sort out my cra* so that my future is baggage free, maybe life is saying "Here's your chance mate, sort yourself out, you have a chance at a clean slate, you need to do this by yourself"

I've got to get back to the way I was when we first met, so does she,I miss the old her, so much arguing, we were so drained and twisted by it all, we need a total brain re-boot.

Cant speak to my friends about this anymore, feel as though they, as much as they care about me are getting bored of me acting like a wimp and I need to man up...maybe I'm wrong I dunno..

It seems so easy when you write it down, so much harder when it's put into practice

 

Just wish she was here with me, she knows how I feel about her, knows that I'm finally sorting stuff. Wish I could fix me inside though, stop the pain, heal my heart and become the man I was, not the wreck I now am.

This is so hard..

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You should never go into a relationship with the 'expectation' that things will work out for you because you think you are 'special' , reality is that a woman can pack her bags and leave any day, this is why you need to have a life of your own to live. Men who cling onto woman and then see the woman leaving, lock themselves up in a closet and cry(use drugs, alcohol ,sigarettes,whatever until after years they find out that a girl isn't worth destroying your own life for,until they can move on with their own life and quit all of their addictions) because they don't realise they shouldn't base their lives on a girl. You are yourself and no one else, no one can live your life for you, this is why you have to arrange your life by yourself and have a life of your own to begin with. Stop begging from help from others, and start building your own life by your own hands. When your relationship is at a dead end, the only thing you can do is turn around your car and head back to the main highway of life. You have to come to the realisation that this 'mean to be' stuff is nonsense and that you can't live a life that is based on support on others, you have to be your own support in that sense.

 

You need to do what is right, study math till your brain comes out, and pursue your study and do what makes you move forward and life, meaning you only occupy yourself with things that are really relevant and important. Namely to come to the important conclusion that you come first, which means you have to save yourself first, and have a life of your own first, before you can invite someone else into your life.

 

You don't have to be afraid of being alone, because its you who is in control of that, and it is you who has to step towards the people if you don't want to feel lonely. And working in a gas station isn't so bad, my bro did it, no problem. Its not a condemnation of life, if you worked in a gas station you wouldn't think half so bad on it as that you are doing now.

 

There's life after death, don't worry about it. But its you who has to dig yourself out of the hole that you've dug for yourself.

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Okay... there are 7 part of your post that I highlighted...

 

1. Why are you counting the days not talking to her or not seeing her?...

It will just remind you the day that she left you, it feels like everyday is the day that she broke up with you...

 

2. Instead of doing the things to help you heal, you are doing things to punish yourself... Theres no excuses even though your doing it involuntarily...

 

3. You can make yourself happy, it's just that you're not doing it... You dont need to pretend that you are happy, you need to make yourself happy for real...

 

4. Thats what you called moving on?... You haven't healed yet, you're still punishing yourself, you havent fixed yourself yet, how come dating other girls will help you?...

 

5. It's impossible to get her out of your head... But the thing that hurts is you are dwelling too much on what happened... You must limit yourself thinking about her, you might want to get busy so you will be distracted and to be able to stop thinking about her for a while...

 

6. This is the reason why you are not healing... You must accept that whats done is done, theres nothing you can do to change her descision, it's her descision... Stop asking why?... if theres something that can save the relationship, I bet you've already done it... If you dont get any answer from yourself from those why?s then it will just turn to what ifs so you can justify your questions about why did this hapenned...

 

7. Dont bother wishing that she was there besides you because the fact is she's not with you anymore... Dont even wish that somehow she knew that you are sorting stuff because before the break up, she already sorted things out...

 

Please... Do yourself a favor and do things you like for yourself and not for her... Shes not your concern anymore so focus on yourself, time will pass and you wont notice that you are already healed...

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^^ Got it in one.

 

 

I have been where you are. You are 6 weeks out. I know it doesn't feel like it now, and it might not for another 1, 2, or even 3 months, but you will get there and you will be ok. IT WILL GET BETTER. Your body can only sustain this level of depression/anxiety and obsessive thoughts for so long.

 

 

 

I'm sorry but there is no quick fix or cure. Try your hardest to limit your "what if.." thinking. If your friends and family are over hearing about it, its probably because they don't know how to support you - see a therapist. It really helps even for the biggest sceptics. If you want to cry THEN DO IT. Get it out, its better than keeping it in, don't let it become habit though. Keep up the NC - its the only control you have over the situation. You aren't contacting her BECAUSE YOU HAVE MADE THE CHOICE NOT TO. You've taken control and made the choice not to include her in your day to day life any more.

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Thanks for the post's guys, guess I really do need a swift kick up the ar**!! I'm dwelling on stuff and blaming myself for everything and it's not fair on me. At the end of the day I need to stop punishing myself for past mistakes and decisions that I can't change and look to my future, and get on with things. After all, I've only got one life and I don't want to be miserable for the rest of it! it's going to be very hard, and I'll probably have down days and "what if's" along the way but I've just got to stay positive and I'll get there in the end...

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Frankly, you're doing alright in my view coping. There is no way to make it not hurt, everyone will hurt. The weaker ones in handling it are the ones that gain weight, form unhealthy habits and generally are obviously a wreck. You, on the other hand, actually are taking care of yourself and privately grieving. Go ahead, grieve as much as you need to, and only as much as you need to, but don't stop living in reality and keep the goal in mind to move forward.

 

6 weeks is still very fresh. You're still in the most vulnerable stage. Months will need to pass before you actively notice that you're actually moving forward, and will only continue to accelerate. So when that mask slips off, make sure that the face revealed is a smile.

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