Obsession

[HippieBee]

I hate admitting this, but I've become obsessed with my b/f.

I do and don't know why this has happened... he moved inter-state and although we do our best to be regularly in touch, it never seems to be enough for me. I am constantly checking my phone and e-mail... looking for any sign that he's been around. He makes a new female friend and I go insane. I can't do my uni work... I can't focus on the job... I know this is really unhealthy... what can be done to remedy this?

[funkygirl758]

I don't quite know what to do, seeing as how I have been there before. But I'm thinking if you can some how immerse yourself in activities and friends then that might distract you and help.

[gemmy]

You NEED to change this behavior. Stop checking your phone and email. Get used to the idea of him not being with you at every moment. Otherwise, if you break up, you will feel so much worse. I'm not saying to prepare for a break up. I'm saying you need to at least enjoy your time together. Even if you aren't really together together. Don't spend every second worrying what he's doing and if he's gonna call, otherwise, how are you supposed to enjoy your life and the relationship?? This is not healthy, you know that. So make some changes as soon as possible. Don't take your cell with you everywhere you go. Don't call him so much or be so available to him. Find other things that make you happy enjoy those activities. Take up a class or go out with friends. I'm telling you that happened to me where I wanted to be with my bf all the time. He dumped me and I was totally depressed and lost. i had to really challenge myself to be my own person. please take this advice, otherwise you might be totally lost and alone.

[oxygen_lsv]

i'm obsessed as well and looking for answers

[oxygen_lsv]

there we go.. found the answers.. thnx gemmy.. but it's hard to not be obsess

[murrayfaces]

The best thing I can say about obsessive behavior - other than STOP RIGHT NOW - is to realize that it's not rational. Not that everything in the world has to be rational, or totally emotional, but a balance between the two. Loving your boyfriend is emotional, but obsessive behavior is irrational. I know this, because I suffer from OCD, and it spills over into all facets of my life. But, I also became obsessed with someone early on into a relationship, and when that relationship had to end, I started obsessing over the loss of him. All I did was transfer my obsessive tendencies to a new medium, but neither were positive.

 

I know you can't just stop your behavior, but you can do things to prepare yourself for the happiest possible times in the future. Are you obsessing because you think he might be with other people, or are you obsessing a reassurance of the relationship you have. Sounds like you have some unanswered questions with your b/f. Do you think you do?

[HippieBee]

That's what I try to do... I try to keep myself distracted by seeing my friends as often as possible. Although I can still be a little anxious, I'm still able to have fun around them. It's when I come home or am by myself that it becomes a problem. I have so much work to do... and I know I'm capable of doing it well, but I can't seem to be able to focus long enough to get the job done.

I know I need to stop being a nervous wreck, but it's so much easier said than done.

When I do get to see him (rare) or am speaking with him everything is fine.. wonderful.. perfect. But some times I just can't help but feel that he isn't trying hard enough.

I trust him 100%. I've never had a reason to doubt him. When I say I go nuts when he tells me of the latest female friend he's made, it's because I wish he were diverting that attention towards me.

Because we're apart, we both like to make sure that we both still know where we stand with one another. My problem is that I want to check this multiple times a day.

As for 'unanswered questions'... I'm not so sure about that. All I can do is blame it on the distance and the consequential loneliness.

[HippieBee]

I'm not sure if this was the best thing to do, but I told him about the problem I've developed. I don't want to feel like some kind of stalker, I just want to be honest with him.

As for his reaction... he began apologising. Blamed himself for not trying hard enough. Asked me not to leave him.

It's not his fault... it's not all mine either... just some lack of willpower on my part perhaps.

Unlike me, he doesn't realise that it's no good for me to be completely emotionally dependent on him... Guess I've got a new problem now, hey?