Why?

[Smile1607308089]

I don't get it. I've been on so many dates in the past year or two. Why is it that EVERY guy I'm not into texts/calls me and wants to see me again and makes it clear that they like me...AND Why is it that every guy I like is vaigue, distant, or even worse...I never hear from them again?! I try to be cool and remain myself and consistent on all dates, no matter who it's with. I don't think I act needy or desperate, never talk about future dates, never put pressure on them and I am confident, outgoing, smart and funny.

I know people say guys can "sense" when you are into them....but if I like someone, I just try to be myself. I don't get it.](*,)

I am trying to keep a positive attitude, but it gets difficult when nothing seems to work out.

[amx]

Guys love the chase. Maybe you give off hints that you are uninterested (through your speech and body language) to the guys that you are not interested in. Perhaps you should identify these patterns and consciously do them towards the guys that you are interested in.

[Russ]

How do you act at the end of the date?

[Smile1607308089]

Guys love the chase. Maybe you give off hints that you are uninterested (through your speech and body language) to the guys that you are not interested in. Perhaps you should identify these patterns and consciously do them towards the guys that you are interested in.

 

Yes that is good advice. I guess I get so caught up in enjoying the date and the fact that I actually feel a connection with the guy I'm into that I neglect to play hard-to-get. I'm sure you are right. It's like a draw a blank when trying to purposely act uniterested with someone I like!

Any tips?

[Smile1607308089]

How do you act at the end of the date?

 

Well, it depends. If we had a great time and the guy goes in for a kiss, I'll kiss him. Otherwise a hug and kiss on the cheek. But I won't text after the date, or call either. I'll say I had a great time and have a good night. I'll wait for him to call me.

 

If I don't like him that much, I'll give a kiss on the cheek and say thank you and good night.

 

If I'm being honest, when I like the guy, I am not anxious for the date to end and I probably linger a little longer b/c I'm having fun.

When I'm uninterested, I will call it a night sooner than later.

[Clarity]

This happens to most people, male or female. If it didn't, we wouldn't be here on ENA

 

I don't think there is much you can do, to be honest. Guys "liking the chase" is an overestimated factor. If a guy likes you and is ready for a relationship (that's a key factor), it won't matter if you make him chase you or not.

 

The fact is, two people having chemistry where they're both attracted to each other is not a common thing, otherwise we'd all have an easy time finding partners. It takes a lot of misses before you get a match!

[Russ]

Well, I partially agree with the whole "guys like being chased" idea, but at the same time, you shouldn't have to compromise anything because of it.

 

I think it would help if for the guys that you did like, within about 48 hours, you'd send them a "I had a blast the other day" text. Yes, you're doing the tiny little task of APPROACHING them a little, but it would really open up some venues for you.

 

I mean for one thing, you could begin texting. Not sure if your anti-SMS, but it's how I see people these days go from "some person I had a date with" to friends and above.

 

Another thing - you'd simply reassure them. I think feminists are silly, but they nailed the "guys like ego stroking". Guys that may be potentially interested but a little shy - that one text would give them that chance they needed.

 

 

That's my silly $0.02.

[amx]

Well finding a connection is exciting but I would suggest that during the date you show that you are engaged but not overly excited (on the outside of course). Also do the same goodnight routine you do with the guys you do not like with the guys that you do, but say thank you and good night with a slight smile (show the excitement in your eyes). This will be puzzling to him, and he will most definitely call.

[Smile1607308089]

This happens to most people, male or female. If it didn't, we wouldn't be here on ENA

 

I don't think there is much you can do, to be honest. Guys "liking the chase" is an overestimated factor. If a guy likes you and is ready for a relationship (that's a key factor), it won't matter if you make him chase you or not.

 

The fact is, two people having chemistry where they're both attracted to each other is not a common thing, otherwise we'd all have an easy time finding partners. It takes a lot of misses before you get a match!

 

Yeah you're right.

Ok, I'm about to enter "Patheticville", lol, but on my last date, I really felt mutual chemistry! Obviously, he was physically attracted to me b/c we met 2 weeks before our date and liked what he saw and we had good conversation which is why he agreed to a date in the first place.

SO...I am wondering what went wrong on our date! Conversation flowed, dinner was great, we laughed...I had him laughing a lot...and we went to a 2nd place after dinner to grab a couple drinks. His body language was telling me he liked me. Not once did he try to take advantage of me either. I am really disappointed over the fact that he never called again. I'm afraid I'm subliminally sending the wrong message on dates with guys I like. And since it's subliminal, I don't know how to change it!

[mandyc]

If I'm being honest, when I like the guy, I am not anxious for the date to end and I probably linger a little longer b/c I'm having fun. When I'm uninterested, I will call it a night sooner than later.

 

think of all the things you do on dates when you aren't that interested, like what you said above about calling it a night a little earlier, and do those on the dates you are having fun. I know it seems like playing games, but hey sometimes all it takes is saying something like I gota go home soon I promised the girls we'd go out later tonight or something. Act unavailable and they will want you that much more.

[Smile1607308089]

Thanks Russ! I owe you at least 8 more cents, lol! Good advice.

Just to let you know, I did indeed send a text the next night saying "Hey just wanted to say thanks again for last night. I had a great time!"

He wrote back and said "ur welcome" and asked if it took me long to get home. He never mentioned wanting to see me again. I thought by him writing me back that I was still in the running, but I haven't heard from him since. The date was on Saturday, March 13th, but he was away this past weekend. Do you suggest I text him one more time and ask how his weekend away was or if he has any interest in getting together again? EESH, I'm not sure if that would be pathetic.

[Russ]

Thanks Russ! I owe you at least 8 more cents, lol! Good advice.

Just to let you know, I did indeed send a text the next night saying "Hey just wanted to say thanks again for last night. I had a great time!"

He wrote back and said "ur welcome" and asked if it took me long to get home. He never mentioned wanting to see me again. I thought by him writing me back that I was still in the running, but I haven't heard from him since. The date was on Saturday, March 13th, but he was away this past weekend. Do you suggest I text him one more time and ask how his weekend away was or if he has any interest in getting together again? EESH, I'm not sure if that would be pathetic.

 

I think after this period of time it's a little late, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep this in mind for your next dates. To just be more open about what you want from the guy.

[Clarity]

I think the mistake people often make is thinking that these things are under their control (i.e. you thinking that you're sending wrong subliminal messages), which is usually not the case. If you were having a good time and laughing/smiling like you said, it would be easy to pick up that you were open to a 2nd date. If anything, if you're interested in the guy, you will be subliminally be sending him *the right* signals without knowing it.

 

I've been on several dates with girls where I thought the dates went amazing, only to have no response to the idea of a 2nd date. Sometimes people just have a good time on a date without feeling full attraction. Or sometimes they are dating other people and a better option comes up, you never know.

 

I've been online dating for a while, I consider myself a decent catch, attractive, good career, good guy, well-rounded interests, and of the dates that I go on, I would say maybe 15% or so lead to second dates, either because I'm not interested or they're not (that tends to be close to a 50/50 split). On the positive side, for me at least, when I get to date 2 and 3, it seems to be a good sign for something that will last at least a bit longer. It seems as though if someone likes me initially, they like me more if they get to know me - I'm sure that's the case with you as well

[Smile1607308089]

Thanks Clarity. What you said makes sense. I guess when I say I think I'm sending the wrong message, I mean I'm coming on too strong or perhaps even desperate (?) because I am not hiding the fact that I like the guy. BUT...I would think in the long run, a guy would appreciate the fact that I am being friendly and open and optimistic. I consider myself to be a good catch too...attractive, good career, homeowner, stable, independent, smart and fun! Man dating is frustrating. Thanks again

[adamt]

It's the same for men too.I'm experiencing it at teh moment. maybe people are attracted to someone more who seems more unavailable and hard to catch.

 

maybe when people fancy someone they get a bit nervous and edgy and not quite relaxed. when you dont fancy someone then you are less bothered abotu what you say and your personality comes out as you are more relaxed. THis may sound shallow but generally i know i am attracted to someone as soon as i see them. if only the other person could know that to

[Clarity]

Thanks Clarity. What you said makes sense. I guess when I say I think I'm sending the wrong message, I mean I'm coming on too strong or perhaps even desperate (?) because I am not hiding the fact that I like the guy. BUT...I would think in the long run, a guy would appreciate the fact that I am being friendly and open and optimistic. I consider myself to be a good catch too...attractive, good career, homeowner, stable, independent, smart and fun! Man dating is frustrating. Thanks again

 

No problem. Trust me, I know how you feel.

 

Tomorrow I have a 3rd date with a young woman who so far is giving all the right signals, as I am too. When you've been through dating a lot, it's such a nice feeling when two people are openly friendly and nice to each other. I mean, the initial stages are always infatuation and I've learned not to get too caught up in it (things can change at any time), but I guess what I'm trying to say is that going through all these "misses" does make you appreciate when you get a match and spend more than just a few dates together. I hope it happens soon for you

[Smile1607308089]

No problem. Trust me, I know how you feel.

 

Tomorrow I have a 3rd date with a young woman who so far is giving all the right signals, as I am too. When you've been through dating a lot, it's such a nice feeling when two people are openly friendly and nice to each other. I mean, the initial stages are always infatuation and I've learned not to get too caught up in it (things can change at any time), but I guess what I'm trying to say is that going through all these "misses" does make you appreciate when you get a match and spend more than just a few dates together. I hope it happens soon for you

 

Wow, a 3rd date? That's a milestone in my eyes! LOL...good luck and enjoy

[Clarity]

Wow, a 3rd date? That's a milestone in my eyes! LOL...good luck and enjoy

 

Haha, thanks! It's a milestone for me too!

 

I've probably met 20+ different women from online and the number that went past two dates is two. And of those, one I dated for 1.5 months, the other for 3 months, so I'm definitely hopeful about this one

[Ammy]

Happens to me all the time too! I however don't think you need to play games and troo hard to get to attract a man. If you like them, enjoy the date, be yourself, and if they don't like you because you showed interest, then they're probably an idiot! I don't think you should have to "act" nonchalant to keep someone interested in you.

 

It's just a numbers game - eventually you will click with someone and they will click back. A few people have said this to me, and said that love is so special for a reason - it's because it's rare. Keep the dates up and you will find that person who matches you. Try not be disheartened too, as this happens to the best of us!

 

Ammy

[Ammy]

Haha, thanks! It's a milestone for me too!

 

I've probably met 20+ different women from online and the number that went past two dates is two. And of those, one I dated for 1.5 months, the other for 3 months, so I'm definitely hopeful about this one

 

Good luck Clarity, you seem like such a great guy from your posts on here, so these women must be very dumb not to see it!!

 

Ammy

[Clarity]

Good luck Clarity, you seem like such a great guy from your posts on here, so these women must be very dumb not to see it!!

 

Ammy

 

Thanks Ammy, that's very kind of you - I have the same opinion of you and often read some of my own thoughts when you post yours.

 

It went well, I don't think I'm going out on a limb by saying there will definitely be more dates to come