i have to move on for good - how?

[martyj]

hi guys,

 

this is a complicated story which i find so hard to understand myself so please bare with me.

 

I met my ex 3 summers ago and things were fine for the first year but then the day after we got back from holiday she left me for her ex fiance.

I was devastated and completely lost the plot.

 

At the time i was a heavy drinker and drug taker and suffered from deep depression so i was a write off. She stayed with that guy for 5 months and all the time we were in contact cos i could not let go.

 

Anyways she came back to me confessing her undying love and we got back together for a little over two months then one day she told me that she wanted to be with me forever then called me that night and dumped me. Again not being able to cope with this i flipped.

 

Eventaully i managed to kick drugs and didnt drink for 9 months but during this time she was with other guys and stuff. Then i was moving on and she appeared out of nowhere saying she loved me. I was in control of my life this time and made it clear it would have to be forever. She had told her sister that she wanted to marry me. So we got back and then 3 months later she left just b4 Christmas. I stopped contact this time and within a month she had contacted me and ever since we have been meeting up.

 

Anyway i lost it yesterday cos i am tired of maybe one day and did things i shouldnt of completely harassing her and making myself look stupid.

 

Anyway today we talk and she says that she was in court cos that ex from the first time had kicked her door down and beat her and also that one of my friends had tried to kiss her Saturday night and she said no cos she had promised me that would never happen and she is gonna keep that promise forever.

 

She also said she wants to move on now ansd find someone new but said that i would never find anybody like her then she told me to stop taking drugs which i have again cos i was fine last year and that ruined us.

 

thing is i am in love with her but my life is being wasted and i really do wanna move on cos i dont think it will be the last of it and as you guyts can see she isnt afraid to come back.

 

Trouble is where she is concerned i am so weak adn am devastated right now. I have to move on but HOW?

[litoosh743]

Hi there,

Well you basically put all the answers down yourself, you want to move on but you're too weak + you go on and off the drugs, to me you're drug use and your relationship with her is sort of the same. You can't seem to say no to any of them. I understand how you feel, you know she will come back again and even if you will feel its the wrong thing to do you'll hear the words again of how she loves you and cave in. My advice to you is to follow your gut feeling this time, and you know which feeling I'm talking about, the feeling that is deep down inside that you try to avoid because you still love her. No one knows you better than yourself, and no one knows whats good for you more than you. So this time trust yourself and your instincts and try to see the big picture, your relationship with her has been chewed and spit out too many times and cannot be fixed and I think that deep inside you already know that. You probably turned to this site because you really do want to move on with your life, for good. Try to think that life moves so fast and that putting her before you will only keep you in the same place, and you'll miss out on so much because of it, its your life its your decision and its an opportunity for you to show yourself that for once you'll follow your gut feeling and be stong and decide you're moving on no matter what. Try to put aside the feelings you have for her and think of it logically and objectively, make some sense in your head and forget the feelings you have for her. Maybe you'll see things differently and decide to put your foot down. I wish you a lot of luck mate.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

Sorry to hear your story. True, the combination break up / drugs is a bad one.

 

It is a self destructive loop and only you can do something about it.

 

This is a crisis situation and you should use powerful strategies to get over it. It's all about rebuilding your personal base, emotional foundation.

 

You feel weak and powerless. The whole point is to rebuild stablity around values, firends and activities which can really give you stability on the long term. Right now, she is taking you down. Seems you should take some radical measure. No contact at all. Don't let her in your personal space, and other similar steps

 

The truth is that you are worth it! Wake up your will power, your survival instinct. Create a radical shift. Don't wait

 

Here is an article which might help with your break up situation:

 

link removed

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach