blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 My boyfriend is bisexual. (so am I) I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with, is his being with someone else while he's with me. He gave this other person the "boyfriend" title when they got jealous of me being his girlfriend. He gives up time with me for them. He allows the guy to get away with things (arguing, stealing, storming out, crashing time I get with my boyfriend). I've tried really hard to be enough. I offered to lose weight (the guy is very thin), change my eye color, hair color, anything I can think of. I can't help feeling like I'm being cheated on and supposed to be okay with it. I don't understand how, if he really loves me, he would walk away from me for someone else (sometimes when I really, really need attention, not to sound clingy or dramatic--just there are times when you need love and attention). Things I'd get in trouble for (being "defiant" or falling asleep early etc) are such big deals, but this guy gets away with really awful things.... I think that I'm basically a good person. I don't understand what's wrong with me so much that he wouldn't want to spend the time with me. This guy treats him badly, hates me, and has manipulated me every chance he got... I even tried to be friends several times to help make it easier. I feel very inferior and downright worthless from what's going on. My boyfriend thinks I'm objecting to his bisexuality but I'd feel the same if it was with a guy or a girl. He says things like...he doesn't want to be with the guy anymore, he knows how manipulative he is, but he won't leave him. He said the only way he would marry me is if it didn't work out with this guy...then later said he can't promise faithfulness. He blames bisexuality, but I've never wanted multiple people. Is there something wrong with me? Is there anything I can do? Am I seeing the situation unfairly? Link to comment
fLuiD Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I might be missing something here, but, does being bisexual entitle you to date two people at once? You are being cheated on, and if you can't see it, then you must be completely ignoring it! Break it off with this person ASAP. Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Did you guys agree to be in an open relationship? The fact that you are doing all these things to change yourself to get his love sends off warning bells. If someone loves you, you don't feel the need to make these kinds of changes. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I might be missing something here, but, does being bisexual entitle you to date two people at once? You are being cheated on, and if you can't see it, then you must be completely ignoring it! Break it off with this person ASAP. I was thinking the same thing, just because someone is bi-sexual doesn't men they get to sleep with other people while in a relationship, unless of course you are okay with that. Link to comment
blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 I was thinking the same thing, just because someone is bi-sexual doesn't men they get to sleep with other people while in a relationship, unless of course you are okay with that. I'm not okay with it... He says I have to agree to this or he'll break it off (and be with the other person). I was lied to about his relationship status initially (I thought he was single). He told me he was bisexual and I was fine with it. apparently this meant I agreed that he could continue with another relationship as well as with me. He explained to me (untrue for some surely) that bisexual men crave men and calls it a "burning desire" that I can't satisfy. He told me what was going on when the other person disappeared (ran away for a while...he does that, vanishes). My bf was so upset he told me everything and said it was over. It wasn't. There have been cycles of this kind of thing over and over. He says he "can't give" me "what I want" and be with just me. He says he "needs a boy" too. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Umm....then you need to dump him. It sounds like he is more gay than he is bi-sexual which is fine, he just has no business sleeping with two people at once and expecting them to be okay with it. He sounds like an ass to be honest with you. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 You are not being cheated on, cheating would have to imply that he is not being honest with you and trying to see this guy without your knowledge. You need to realize that your bf is being honest with you, or at least honest enough for you to see the picture clearly of what is going on. I always say that the only control you have in any relationship is you. You have no control over your bf and your bf's other man. The awful feeling will stop when you make a decision definitely yes or no if you can accept the situation that you are in right now. Try not to fall into the trap of accepting the situation only if your bf would change. Link to comment
blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 You are not being cheated on, cheating would have to imply that he is not being honest with you and trying to see this guy without your knowledge. You need to realize that your bf is being honest with you, or at least honest enough for you to see the picture clearly of what is going on. I always say that the only control you have in any relationship is you. You have no control over your bf and your bf's other man. The awful feeling will stop when you make a decision definitely yes or no if you can accept the situation that you are in right now. Try not to fall into the trap of accepting the situation only if your bf would change. I think you're right...and I understand. I really want him to drop the other person and just be with me. I don't know what else I could do to be a "better" me. It's hard to get past, and no matter what, it's always in the back of my mind that even when he's nice to me, he says the same things to them...the same nickname even, until I got so upset about that, that he finally stopped... I still feel like the problem is me, that I'm not desirable enough...but nothing I try helps. Link to comment
jul-els Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 At this point he sees you as his doormat and thinks you will stick around and take whatever he dishes out. I don't think that's what you want, but that's what he has to offer. You shouldn't stick around for it. Link to comment
fLuiD Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I'm not okay with it... He says I have to agree to this or he'll break it off (and be with the other person). Once you get ultimatums like this, the relationship has lost all its value. There is no respect here, and nothing good will come out of it for you. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I still feel like the problem is me, that I'm not desirable enough...but nothing I try helps. You need to figure out what it is about you that makes you feel this way, when you clearly know that this isn't true. You know that the situation has nothing to do with the fact that you are not desirable enough. You are partially right though, the problem is with you, just not in the way you think. Link to comment
blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 You need to figure out what it is about you that makes you feel this way, when you clearly know that this isn't true. You know that the situation has nothing to do with the fact that you are not desirable enough. You are partially right though, the problem is with you, just not in the way you think. Please explain? Do you think I'm being unfair, feeling this way, or that I caused the situation? I hope I have not said anything offensive. If I have, I apologize. Link to comment
blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 You need to figure out what it is about you that makes you feel this way, when you clearly know that this isn't true. You know that the situation has nothing to do with the fact that you are not desirable enough. You are partially right though, the problem is with you, just not in the way you think. Please explain? Do you think I'm being unfair, feeling this way, or that I caused the situation? I hope I have not said anything offensive. If I have, I apologize. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I don't think you are being unfair at all, you simply need to make a decision if you want to stay in this relationship or not. If things are unacceptable they way they are now, then why do you allow yourself to stay in the situation that you are in? Thinking or wishing that your bf will change, or leave his other guy can not be a condition for staying in the relationship. Your bf seems to be in a situation that he is happy with, he has made his decision it is time for you to make yours. Link to comment
blueNymph Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 I don't think you are being unfair at all, you simply need to make a decision if you want to stay in this relationship or not. If things are unacceptable they way they are now, then why do you allow yourself to stay in the situation that you are in? Thinking or wishing that your bf will change, or leave his other guy can not be a condition for staying in the relationship. Your bf seems to be in a situation that he is happy with, he has made his decision it is time for you to make yours. I understand what you're saying... You're right, he is happy with it, despite any complaining; he continues to choose it. Thanks. Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 ......................good luck Link to comment
sandy cheeks Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Sounds like the only thing you could do to make yourself more desirable to this jerk is grow a penis. Time to move on. He is what he is. Stop trying to change yourself to make him happy. You're only going to make the both of you miserable. Link to comment
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