Email to the EX. Help.

[AMG16]

Hi guys.

 

My ex and I broke up about a month ago. She's tried contacting me several times, but they have all (in my mind) been excuses to make contact, without her really wanting to talk about anything. (one of them was quite rude) I went NC without telling her, and just ignored them all.

 

Now it's her birthday in two days. I realize this is probably a loose/loose situation for me. If I stick with NC she'll be mad at me that I forgot her birthday, and it will confirm her decision to break up with me in her head. (the little gift giving stuff, is something that I didn't do enough of in the relationship)

 

On the other hand, if I contact her, she will be resentful, towards me for ignoring all her contact attempts, and now making contact with her out of the blue. I'm fully accepting of the fact she might tell me things I don't want to hear. But my thinking is that I might set myself up for a possible win down the road. With more time she will cool off and instead be reminded that I care, and was mature enough to wish her a happy birthday.

 

So that being said, what should I do? And if I write it what do I say? I will be in her city for business on the day of her birthday......

 

Thanks.

[Kraegorn]

The key in winning in the long run, as you call it, is knowing what you want. There's an air of uncertainty when our habits become inconsistent.

 

I doubt she'll see your point of view, because who likes to be ignored? How many people out there would forget about it even after given lengthy time? If you want her back, you better make some arrangements to make up for the pain. Or the other choice is to -- stay consistent.

[AMG16]

I guess I should mention that she broke up with me. I'll admit the ignoring her with NC was used as a game which isn't appropriate. I was respecting her wish for space though, and her attempts to contact me were nothing more than games either. I would like to make up for any pain I may have cause by just dropping of the face of the earth. I realize I should have told her I would be doing NC for both of us. However, I want to do this if possible in a way without coming accross as needy or having her resent me.

[RobD70]

Now it's her birthday in two days. I realize this is probably a loose/loose situation for me. If I stick with NC she'll be mad at me that I forgot her birthday, and it will confirm her decision to break up with me in her head. (the little gift giving stuff, is something that I didn't do enough of in the relationship)

 

She already broke up, confirming anything would be irrelevant.

 

Attempting to make up for stuff you did after the breakup will only backfire. It’s too little too late. If you ignore her on her birthday she’ll more likely think you stop caring rather than get mad which would hurt her but that’s the price she pays for breaking up. You two are no longer together so you owe her nothing.

 

Don’t look at NC as a game, it’s the consequences of her actions and if she has an issue with it then that’s her fault since she asked for this. Don’t worry about making her mad, your job is to do what’s good for you and that’s getting away from her while you heal. The common side effect tends to be driving them crazy and sometimes pursuing you once they realize what they lost. If she thinks you no longer care about her the better off your chances are. Trying to make her happy will just make you look pathetic in her eyes.

[RobD70]

I guess I should mention that she broke up with me. I'll admit the ignoring her with NC was used as a game which isn't appropriate. I was respecting her wish for space though, and her attempts to contact me were nothing more than games either. I would like to make up for any pain I may have cause by just dropping of the face of the earth. I realize I should have told her I would be doing NC for both of us. However, I want to do this if possible in a way without coming accross as needy or having her resent me.

You can't make up for the pain and you shouldn't try. It will just irritate her and may look like pursuit/pressure.

 

You need to drop off the face of the Earth and tell her nothing. For some reason nobody ever wants to get back with someone they think WANTS them back. She won't be truly interested in you until she thinks you almost hate her. When I got back with my wife the last time (don't ask) I DID hate her and it took her practically begging me to take her back. I wouldn't have believed had I not seen it myself but human nature is very counter-intuitive and irrational. You have to do the opposite of what you want to do to get the results you wish.

 

Regardless of what your motives is, it's always a good idea to go NC simply for your own mental health. Staying in contact tends to drag things out and can make things worse more times than not. You can't make a mistake if you don't do or say anything.