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What do you think my chances are of getting my X back?


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Do I have any chance of getting my X back based on the path I am on? If I should change anything please let me know. I really want her to come back and have tried to follow the advice I have read on this site. Thanks

 

She broke up with me 2 months ago. It was really confusing because we had never really had a fight or disagreement the 6 months we had been together. There was no cheating in the relationship so I was left with her saying I just need some time to work on some things.

 

I like most of us did everything wrong for the first 4 weeks. Telling her how much I cared, asking her to come back, texting, calling, asking her out and so on. She was polite but non-responsive to getting together. but kept sending mixed signals. I think I only saw her a few times in the first 4 weeks. She was still texting me in the mornings, calling me to talk, telling me she missed me but made it clear she only wanted to be friends and see what happens.

 

So like a fool in week 4 asked her to a party to establish our friendship that she wanted to work on to see what happened. She did meet me at the party 4 weeks ago and she brought some of her friends I did not know. I was cool to her but did not give her much of my time. I danced with other girls and just had fun. All night she kept having my friends come get me so I would dance with her. She pretty much ignored her friends. Saying stuff to me like this is our song, you’re wearing the shirt I bought you. We ended up in my car talking and she fell asleep in my lap for 2 hours saying she had not felt this comfortable in a long time.

 

I asked her the next day to get back to together cuz everything felt so right the night before and the attention she was giving me. I thought she wanted to come back. She said I cant right now and did not tell me why. So since the party she has text me almost everyday to say hi and make small talk. Called a few times but did not ask to get together again. It was tearing my heart apart cuz I want her back and don’t want to be put in the friend zone. So on Monday (8 days after the party) I asked her to meet me for lunch cuz I had something I needed to share with her. It was only the 3rd time I had seen her in person in a month.

 

I told her I have grown to care for her with all my heart but must let her go. I said you have made it clear to me you do not want to get back together right now and I need to go mend my heart. I told her I have for the past month reached out to you to let you know how important you are to me and that I want you back but you have not responded. I am not willing any longer to put myself out there, it is too painful and I’m letting go. I am 48 years old and ready for a special lady in my life, one that wants to be with me. If you decide you want to come back let me know and hopefully it won’t be too late.

 

She asked me what it meant to let her go. I told her I would not be putting myself out there to her anymore to be rejected, you know where you stand. She asked if I was dumping her as a friend as well. I told her no. It was a good conversation done in love and we hugged and said goodbye.

 

She kept texting me almost everyday since this talk being really nice and even asked me out for the next weekend but I had my kids and could not make it. She said we will have to do it very soon then. She was still making it clear about working on the friendship. So I decided I must go NC

 

I called her a week after this last talk and told her I have come to the realization that we are in two different places right now. You want to be friends and I want more. That is ok but I have to be honest with you, I am not capable of being just friends right now. I care too much and want more. And if we continue down this path it is not going to be good for either of us.

 

I need to take some time away from you and will come back in your life when I can be ok with just being friends. Right now I just can’t continue a close friendship. It is not healthy for either of us.

 

If you come to the realization that you want something more than just a friendship I am open to talking about it. I just ask that you not contact me unless this is the case.

 

This is nothing you have done wrong were just in different places as to what we want right now and it wont work.

 

 

She told me she understood and was really sad about it. I added, I know it’s your birthday in a couple weeks and I already have your present. If you want I can drop it by your work and we can catch a bite for lunch and that will be it. She said she would rather do it over drinks after work one night. I said OK, we might as well go out on a high note.

 

We picked a day and she asked if the lines of communication could stay open till then. I said yes. Well she text me everyday, she called me last Wednesday on St Patty’s day and asked what I was doing. I told her I was at a club and she asked if she could come out. I said OK. We danced all night and she ended up spending the night at my house. I know this was a mistake but I was buzzed and really missed her.

 

Well the next night (last Thursday) we went out for our birthday bash/last time before me going NC. We had a blast, dance all night, hung out with a few friends and then parted ways. She asked me to text her when I got home but I was buzzed and passed out. I woke up to a text from her asking why I didn’t text her.

 

I told her I was buzzed and kinda messed up my car on the way home. She asked if she could call me. I said yes. We talked for 30 minutes. It was our last talk. She said I suck for checking out on her. I told her you know how I feel. If you want to come back and try again give me a call. If not, this is it.

 

Did I do the right thing? Should I have told her she could call if she wants still even though she has not said she wants to come back? I really could use some advice on this. Maybe she will forget about me. I don’t know. I am confused.

 

Truthfully she only started to respond, text, call and hanging out again once I told her I was checking out.

 

 

I am on day 5 of NC and she has not tried to contact me at all.

Sorry for the long post.

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Hi Scott,

 

First of all, good job. You've done so much better than many people would in your situation. This is so hard, and I've been through something similar before.

 

All I can say is that I acted differently, and it only brought a lot of pain for me. So, I can't tell you whether or not you made the right decision, but I think you are going in the right direction. Whether you will get her back, I really don't know...but you will be okay either way, because you are looking out for yourself.

 

Just hold your ground. Your resolve may be strong now, but you will have your weak moments. In those instances, just remember the pain you felt when she made it clear that friendship is all she wanted. Contacting her a few weeks from now may feel like a relief, but it will bring a lot of pain shortly thereafter.

 

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted

 

-TOF

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