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Talking every day.


anya85

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So I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. We see each other maybe 2 days a week and things are going fine between us. He usually calls me the days that we don't see each other like clockwork when he gets off work. That is not to say that I never call him, because I do, but I surely don't call him as frequently.

 

However, a lot of the times, it seems like we don't have much to say. I mean, nothing terribly interesting happens at work that I need to tell him each day. Honestly, I don't feel the need to talk on the phone every day, but if he calls me, of course I'll answer. Sometimes he'll call me and HE won't have anything to say--and then that's sort of pointless, two people on the phone with nothing to say.

 

Yesterday, he called me when he got off work, like he usually does, but I didn't hear it because my phone was still muted from when I was at work. When I saw that he'd called me--this was like 45 minutes later--I called him back. And it was weird--he didn't have anything to say, he didn't really seem interested in talking--so I'm wondering why he called me at all to start with? It's almost like he calls me out of habit? What is up with this?

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I think it would be a much worse situation to be in if he didn't call you enough or at all. My bf and I talk on the phone everyday, sometimes a couple of times a day and usually can talk for quite a while, but then again I haven't been with him for 10 months yet. Sounds like he just wants to check in on you and let you know you're on his mind, although the danger is that you both start to get bored and in a bit of a rut with it.

 

My guess is though that if he stopped calling you for a couple of days, you might actually miss him and want those little chats back

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It's probably habit... My ex and I (we're still friends even now) used to call each other out of habit during certain times of the day... (we're mildly long distance and only see each other on the weekends) When we got up, work breaks, lunch, after work, before sleep... lol. I guess we liked to hear each other breathe on the phone... Matter of fact, we're not even together and we still do it now lol.

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Well I'm fine with the chit-chat IF he sounds happy to talk to me. But like yesterday, when I called him back he sounded grumpy--like he didn't want to talk. And I'm sitting here like well 'why did you call me?'--I didn't say that, but I was thinking it.

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Well he does that all the time, he'll call me up and complain about something for 30 minutes. Ok. At least that's conversation. But if he calls me up and has NOTHING to say--and doesn't sound like he wants to talk--I think that's pointless.

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Yep, its definitely a habit. you are both comfortable int he relationship but there is also nothing new going on. Try and spice it up a little. Discuss things you guys have never talked about, do things you never did before. Don't let it go further, because he will get extremely bored and so will you an that's not a good thing.

 

I know people like to be comfortable but there should be a healthy comfort. My past relationship was like this at times we had nothing to say and would just be quiet. That's all nice and cute sometimes because you can be happy even when you're quiet and you're content. However, it can also make your partner resent you and that is when trouble starts.

 

When you start doing things just out of habit it gets pretty old pretty soon. That is like people saying " I love you" 50 times a day. It's not because they want to say it or even that they feel their partner doesn't know it, it's a habit people get into. Not exactly the healthiest habit. Trust me, I was one of those people. I felt I NEEDED to let him know I loved him and many times it wasn't because I felt he didn't know it was more that KI felt he needed to know it or I needed to say it. In some way like an obligation.

 

Discuss your issue with him, maybe talk only once every two days or just catch up for a few minutes a day. You don't have to spend all your time with someone in order to have a good relationship. The best relationships are when both people are happy and also have a healthy relationship with the outside world. When I say outside I mean outside your relationship with friends & family.

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I would take him calling to him not calling any day. I think you should focus on the thought that counts. I've read so many posts about girls feeling down because their SO doesn't call them. Even if your SO isn't saying much, the fact that he's calling means he's still thinking of you. I also notice sometimes conversation with my SO feels empty so I try to notice more random things in the day I can bring back to share with him. A sighting of a grandmother wearing a ridiculous punk rock t-shirt could spiral a conversation into so many directions. If you want to keep conversations going, maybe spend more time or extra attention on the special/random happenings that occur in your work day, instead of focusing on how boring and mundane work is.

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you should be happy that he called almost everyday.

 

its ok if you guys have nothing to talk about, it's still good to know that he is thinking of you and want to know what is going on on that day.

 

i wish my ex boyfriend called me everyday or see me at least 3 times a week.

 

 

be happy with what you have, one day you might want it but you might not get it.

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When my ex and I were long distance, we would play a silly little game to keep conversation going. It was the question game. We'd each take turns asking each other random questions. They could be deep, about a memory, silly, ridiculous...whatever. It was just something nice to do when we wanted to be on the phone together but didn't have any major topics to talk about.

 

Also, I don't know if he is in school, but I'd always ask him what the most interesting thing he learned that day was.

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My ex and I have called each other about 4 or 5 times each today alone... It's just habit. We'll breathe on the phone for a bit until someone eventually says they'll call the other back... Then one of us will call each other out of boredome again an hour later, only to start the cycle all over... Pure habit. lol.

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When my ex and I were long distance, we would play a silly little game to keep conversation going. It was the question game. We'd each take turns asking each other random questions. They could be deep, about a memory, silly, ridiculous...whatever. It was just something nice to do when we wanted to be on the phone together but didn't have any major topics to talk about.

 

Also, I don't know if he is in school, but I'd always ask him what the most interesting thing he learned that day was.

 

That's pretty creative! I think I have to start using using that.

 

Conversation can't always just naturally happen, sometimes you have to put in effort to make it work.

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