Experiences of online dating

[adamt]

I'm 38 years old and recently new to online dating. Been doing it for a few months and finding it a bit frustrating. I would assess myself at about 7/10(sorry dont mean to sound arrogant) so I get interest from women. some send me an email out of the blue but then some dont bother responding to a reply.

 

Been on about 7 dates but struggling to reach a 2nd date. (only once made it)I'm very choosy so probably pick women who are higher up the scale than me. most dont respond when i show interest!lol!but then the ones who do some of them i or them stop replying and lose interest. of the ones that carry on after a couple of replies i'll ask out.

 

generally the dates seem to go well apart from 1 where we both knew it was just the one date. a couple of others i didnt persue further. 3 i asked towards the end of the date if they would like to meet up again. they all said yes. so when i followed them up one didnt read my message, another didnt reply and another just kept saying she couldnt make it on that day even though she seemed keen initially.

 

i guess people are a bit fickle and jump ship when someone else comes along. or they are just being polite with me and hope a lack of response send me the message they arent interested. i feel the dates went well and potential for a 2nd date.

 

you have to be thick skinned. didnt expect it to be this hard though. maybe i need to drop my standards little! I guess i am starting to wise up now to feedback i get.

 

anyone got any tips?

[Theblueman123]

Google David DeAngelo and look at his material

[bedrocks]

I'm 38 years old and recently new to online dating. Been doing it for a few months and finding it a bit frustrating. I would assess myself at about 7/10

 

Forget about assessing yourself, you're biased. Odds are you're adding at least 2 undeserved points.

 

Been on about 7 dates but struggling to reach a 2nd date. (only once made it)

 

That's the most important part of your post. Perhaps the only important part. You met 7 women in person who you felt would be a good match, and only one was interested in a second date, and even that one didn't go for a third. You're 0/7.

 

generally the dates seem to go well

 

They seemed to go well from your point of view. Obviously they didn't go well for her or she would have been up to a repeat. Don't kid yourself.

 

3 i asked towards the end of the date if they would like to meet up again. they all said yes. so when i followed them up one didnt read my message, another didnt reply and another just kept saying she couldnt make it on that day .

 

They're not interested.

 

i guess people are a bit fickle and jump ship

 

They're not fickle, they are all looking for the same thing you are, a partner, a relationship, someone they are attracted to. You aren't him. So on they go.

[newwave]

While I don't know the op or what he looks like, I suspect he's doing what many men do online: looking for a woman out of his range. I've had some butt ugly guys online who rejected me (a former model) because I wasn't "good enough". I'm sure these guys are still online. The fact he even admits this makes me think he has a far superior view of himself.

 

Btw, when I was doing online dating, anyone who seemed like a good match got a meeting. Locks aren't everything. I've dated guys that were way below my league.

[bedrocks]

While I don't know the op or what he looks like, I suspect he's doing what many men do online: looking for a woman out of his range. I've had some butt ugly guys online who rejected me (a former model) because I wasn't "good enough". I'm sure these guys are still online. The fact he even admits this makes me think he has a far superior view of himself.

 

I've dated guys that were way below my league.

 

Sounds to me like you're the one with the superior view.

[newwave]

Sounds to me like you're the one with the superior view.

 

Exactly why would I be the one with the superior view? I'm not bypassing people who are at my level or lower, the op is.

[jul-els]

I hate that when people think they are in a "league". They're not. People are people. Someone likes certain people or they don't. No one's any better or worse than anyone else. If you want to keep looking, you just have to keep going until you find someone that clicks. Could take a long time, could not. The only way to know is to try.

[bedrocks]

Exactly why would I be the one with the superior view? I'm not bypassing people who are at my level or lower, the op is.

 

You stated that you go out with guys who are below your league, that's placing them in a position which is inferior to you, which is of course the same thing as placing yourself in a position that is superior to them.

[newwave]

You stated that you go out with guys who are below your league, that's placing them in a position which is inferior to you, which is of course the same thing as placing yourself in a position that is superior to them.

 

But at least I give them a chance. The op doesn't even give women a chance, he wants 10's when he's a 7 (or so he says). Who's the superior one?

[bedrocks]

But at least I give them a chance. The op doesn't even give women a chance, he wants 10's when he's a 7 (or so he says). Who's the superior one?

 

The superior one gives the inferior ones a chance. That's very nice of you, but it doesn't change the fact that you view yourself as superior, which was my point all along.

[newwave]

The superior one gives the inferior ones a chance. That's very nice of you, but it doesn't change the fact that you view yourself as superior, which was my point all along.

 

Maybe you should ask the op why he doesn't give people with lower standards a chance instead of being nasty to me.

[bedrocks]

Maybe you should ask the op why he doesn't give people with lower standards a chance instead of being nasty to me.

 

He didn't say anything about not dating people with lower standards, but it seems like he has an overinflated opinion about his own looks.

[adamt]

My apologies if I came accross arrogant. Lets down grade myself to 5/10 for sake of argument. isnt it natural that you are attracted to someone who is atleast as good looking? I aint gonna date someone online who I dont find attractive. if i already knew them in real life then it might be different. and surely in most cases men end up with someone better looking than what they are themselves?

 

i realise thatsome of them might not be interested but others we got on fine and the signs that they may be interested in a 2nd date. for example one of them was happy to go for a coffee after we had eaten. then seemed to be waiting for me to conclude the next step to deciding a 2nd date. i also got a couple of post date emails that suggested they were stil interested in a 2nd date. Maybe there was someone else in the picture. I mean you never know how if the other person is dating otherpeople of the website. i just wonder if others have experience people online seem a bit more shallow.

 

i guess in real life you have seen that there is a bit of chemistry before you go on the official first date. maybe fist date online is like a pre-date date. like a screening

 

edit: update: earleir today i text the latest girl, giving it one last shot. She just said she couldnt make this weekend as she was visiting her gran,lives further away. this was after she had bronchitis(she was feeling/sounding rough when we met), then couldnt meet wednesday this week. she doesnt seem to initiate alternative dates so that suggests she isnt really interested. if i were in her shoes i would either stop responding or jsut say it wont work out. maybe i'll just reply saying "no worries, feel free to get in touch when you are free. take care" i dont want to come accross desperate or verging on stalkerish.

 

Anyway, someone else is showing an interest online..so probably go through it all again....

[OntheWire]

Man, online dating is just plain depressing no matter what. Maybe if you're a pediatric cardiologist nobel peace prize winner that looks like Gerard Butler you'll have a different view. But other than for that guy, I think it's a completely mystery.

 

I started a Google Wave convo with a gal one time and we chatted for 2-3 hours. The conversation had no flaws and we were both quite engaged in it. The next day, no response. She just quit talking to me. Such is the mystery.

 

I've messaged gals with almost identical interests to mine. I mean uncanny resemblances between profiles. No response. I've sent funny messages, serious messages, messages in-between, short messages, long messages, etc... very rarely does anything get any sort of response.

 

I don't think I'm a bad lookin' dude...at least not bad enough to be ruled out at first glance. I really think it's just a numbers game. There seem to be a lot more men than women on these sites. And that motherf***er that won the nobel prize is on there, I swear. He must have 15 dates/day.

[adamt]

I think the problem is when you meet someone in real life you have an advantage because you know there is a bit of chemistry and had a predate chat,flirt or banter. so there is some attraction there. you can sow the seeds. I guess with online some people look better or worse than their picture. people put on their best pictures.

 

Its like job hunting on the one i use. all the women are career women. there are more women than men on it. Everyone seems to have climbed a mountain,highly motivated,run marathons and travelled the world. who knows how much of it is true. i try to be genuine,no idea if that is better or worse.

 

I agree it is a numbers game. the blokes to all teh chasing. so you jsut end up picking out anyone who looks good. cos you dont have time to read their profile in detail. a small percentage respond. then you read their profile and email them and take it from there. i've had a couple of women who picked me out and sent me a nice detailed email and i responded, but then they never responded back. i try not to take it personal.

 

i've had some girls who tell me their life story but you get bored or burnt out. others have short replies so i thought what the hell i'll ask her out before i get bored. and we have gone out. others have asked me out and seem really keen but then suddenly lose interest. but i've probably done something similar to people on there. i struggle to focus on more than one girl at a time

[Brightest Dark]

Well it sounds like you're getting lots of chances to go out with females. I mean, there's you (OP) who has had 7 dates lined up from a site fairly recently - and then there's me, a female, who has been on a site for say 3 years and only met up with one guy in the whole of that time (because I'm picky and there's no-one on there that I am attracted to). Try and be positive that at least you've found members of the opposite sex you're interested in and if you don't try you won't succeed. Do you think you look much different in real life to your photos? Are you doing or saying something in real life that puts them off? How long have you been single and would you say you are really desperate to get in another relationship? Why not chill out a bit, have fun getting to know a girl or two but don't treat it like getting into a relationship or past x amount of dates is the mission you need to complete as soon as possible. I'd rather stay single than meet someone I'm not interested in or attracted to. It DOES suck when you like someone and they are not interested, but it's not worth getting frustrated about. C'est la vie. Just work on enjoying your life as it is and if you meet someone then cool. (And yeah, the girls who don't reply are probably equally as bummed out that someone who is not their type wrote to them, don't be too offended that they didn't reply, because they're just wanting to meet someone special too - you're just not IT.)

[adamt]

yeah, i get what you are saying. its been 9 months since my last relationship. had some time out to sort my head out and move on. I try not to come cross all desperate. I try to just go with the flow and feel of how things going. Even if there isnt potential for girlfriend material, i just fancy some female company and do things socially. i guess i like the current one and i feel frustrated its not moving along a little bit quicker. i dont know if she has lost interest or genuinely just got stuff on. so i've left it with her to get intouch now. i do enjoy the dates, none of them have gone bad. i think i look like in my photos. maybe i' ve just had too high expectations of online dating. there are lots of people on the website so i guess new people come along all the time and someone new to speak to is exciting.lots of competition and women get plenty of attention from

 

i think you do have to be careful that it doesnt knock your confidence. i suppose women are more choosy than men, like you. positvely i'm 38 and get interest from 31 year olds and upwards.