Is it really over ?

[littleman]

I'm going to try and keep it nice and short.

 

I've been dating this girl for the past 2 and a half years. we met junior year in high school we became best friends, started dating, and fell in love. for those 2.5 years our relationship was very strong. we had the occasional road bumps like every relationship does. but no serious problems.

 

we have always been on the same page with our feelings towards eachother, both wanted to grow up together and spend the rest of our lives together. as crazy as it may sound @ 19...but we both felt the same way so it worked.

 

9 weeks ago i moved 1000 miles away to college. We both agreed on doing our best to make the long distance relationship work out. and for the most part it did. In recent weeks she's been having some issues about how "the relationship is not the same anymore" which is true because we are long distance. I kept telling her to wait it our until she came to visit at spring break and when we were together things would be back to normal.

 

So i guess in the past 2 weeks she made up her mind (with me not knowing a thing) that it just wasn't working out, she just couldn't handle it. so when we saw each other the other day the first thing she does is tell me that it's over.

 

I'm not sure what to do or think.

She says that she dosen't feel the same about us anymore and dosen't see us as having a future together....which sucks. Although she still want's to be friends...and we all know how that goes.

I am sure that there is not another man, that's just out of the question.

I'm just curious how 2.5 years can fall apart in 9 weeks.

so is it really over ? is she just scared, going through an identity crisis at the moment?

dont know what to do.

 

In the meantime i have a ton of homework to do and it's really hard to focus because everything reminds me of her.

 

I called her today, letting her know what i would be intersted in talking about us.

hasn't called me back.

i don't want to bombard her with messages.

[SeekingWisdom]

Can I ask why another man is out of the question? I understand that after 2.5 years that you get really close to someone. However, college does funny things to people. I've seen this kind of a breakup many times and whether it was disclosed at the time of the breakup or not... 80% of the time was because one of them had met someone "new and exciting". Not to be mean or anything. Just trying to get a clear picture and explain why I'm asking.

[littleman]

First is that i know she is not that type of person. She's never come close to cheating on me at all. This one time another guy asked her out (she said no) but she felt really guilty about it as if she'd done something wrong.

second i called her friends (who i'm also friends with) and they confirmed that she hasn't been seeing, talking about or seemed interested in anyone else.

 

 

what i'm kind of thinking is that she just got freaked out about how committed we seemed. She said that she didn't want to seem "tied down".

 

And not to be arrogant...but i feel that i've been a very good b/f. and i think that if she were to date another guy, she would end up realizing that i was better. I'm not saying that this is necessarily true, it just gives me some comfort to lean on right now.

 

 

And for what it's worth.

Do you think trying to work out being friends is worth it ?

because all we've been doing so far in the LDR it talking on the phone

and if we were friends we would just do the same thing, however i feel it wouldn't have all the unneeded pressure of being in a "relationship"

which it seems like that's what's really bothering her the most.

[shessofly]

i guess for now all you can do is go with that she has told you - that she doesn't want to be tied down.

 

i guess friendship would be okay, if you are ok with JUST being friends. i suspect that you are not in that place at the moment. how will you feel when she starts dating? do you think that is something you can handle, just being her friend?

[SeekingWisdom]

Well it's possible that she's just someone who can't handle a LDR. She seems a little preoccupied with not wanting to be "tied down" and you mentioned that being friends would be the same without the unneeded pressure of being in a relationship. I don't want to be a rain cloud here but keep in mind that friends will lie to you to keep you from getting hurt. It's obviously with good intentions but it's still something to think about.

 

On the other hand she knew that it was going to be an LDR for awhile but the reality of how hard that is, is far different from the thought of how hard it is without actually experiencing it before. Some girls can't handle being in a relationship with someone that isn't around.

 

You can try being friends but that usually just ends up hurting you more than helping. If she doesn't call you back about the message you left then you'll probably just have to let it go. Maybe she needs some time without any contact with you to figure out what she wants.

 

I'm sorry if I'm not much help but my instincts are saying that she wants to start dating and exploring her options. It's not uncommon when your not long out of high school and were in a serious relationship for that long. That's just what I'm getting from everything you've said.

[Tlcivi]

I would assume she fell for someone else. i know you said she isnt that kind of person but love is stronger than that. she really couldnt stop it. Im 43 i have seen it happen it has happened when my wife left. He later dumped her. I never went back because she was looking for a fairy tail,the grass is greener. We were married for 10 years and had kids.