Realised I am still not over breakup after 7 mths!

[ebik]

here i am again back in the breakup forum, i feel like i have back tracked to 6 mths ago!

 

I had upgraded to the dating forum but now find myself back here after realising that after 7-8 mths of being single I am still not over the breakup yet!

 

I spoke to the ex a month ago just via txts initiated from him.. now i find myself wanting to txt him just to have a chat. Not coz i wana get back with him, but just coz he was always good to chat to.

 

Ive been going through some stuff the last few days and all it does is make me think of him!

 

agghhh cant believe i'm back here!

 

im so close to txting him... bad idea??

[ev1782]

Its back to nc for you it seems...its not that ure not over him..he still has a specialspot in ure heart,,,uve been doing fine without him and he reappers so old suppresed feelings and memories pop up but they r definitely not as strong b4 and ya knno that. I wud say all this is normal,,,7 months id not that lonng evryone is different,,jus giv ureself more time in nc.

[nomad0792]

how long was the RS? i'm at 4.5 months and i'm about 50% of the way there. u can't be too hard on yourself, but if he's just interested in being friends and u aren't, then NC. Why did you guys talk?

[ebik]

ok well a quick bit of background info for you guys...

 

4.5 year relationship, lived together for 2 years or so. But it wasn't working out, he turned into a stoner, stopped all effort with everything other than his playstation and i just wasnt happy with any of it. That wasnt the life i wanted to live so i called it off, and moved out into a house on my own. I had high hopes that we could at least have some kind of friendship (eventualy) still. i went 3 weeks or so of NC just so we could both have space and time to deal with stuff. Then he started txting and i saw him a few times and slept with him (bad idea!) thats when i realised that if we were going to try and be friends we couldnt do that anymore (even cuddling and kissing and stuff.. i dont do that with my male mates so i shouldnt be doing it with him.) Anyway, during one of our meetings it came out that he had slept with a friend of a friend at a party only 5 days after we had our 1st initial breakup talk. He says he was so drunk and didnt know what he was doing. so were we together at the time.. im not sure.. depends who you ask i guess. Coz we were still living together, sleeping together and sleeping in the bed for another 2 weeks after that! But anyway, it still hurt like hell so back in Sept09 i drove away from his house with the intention of never going back there.

 

And so began my journey of 6 mths of NC! During that time he tried to call me when his mum had a heart attack, sent me a xmas txt and one saying how sorry he was for everything and sorry it had to turn out the way it did.

Last mth i got a txt from him and silly me wrote back. it was ok though, as I felt i had healed enough to chat with him to catch up on what had been going on.

 

On sunday i saw the 35 year old lady who he 'cheated' on me with (he is 23!) it was at a friends bday. I was fine until she came up to my infront of at least 5 people asking me if she could chat to me. I had to tell her no at fair few times til she got the hint and i said as long as she doesnt talk to me we dont have a problem, to which she replyed she understood. Then the silly coments of others about the situatuon (laughing about how old she was, etc) got to me.

 

I had a cry and realised that i must not be over it all still, if it effected me that much to see this chick! It felt like I was back in Sept09 when it hurt like hell.

 

That along with a few other things, such as he guy i had been seeing sending me a txt yesterday telling me that he isnt ready for a relationship, and that he thought he was but he's not, and just wanted to be mates.

 

feeling cr*p just made me suddenly feel like talking to the ex. No idea why tho!

 

Last night I saw him! 1st time in 6 mths!! it was ok, but im not sure how im feeling now. he laughed and chatted and remembered the old days. it was good. we kept a good distance when we were sitting on the couch and he played with my cat (which use to be his too.) It was actually a good night.

 

I dont think it would be a good idea to see him frequently, but maybe catching up like that every month or every few months could be good. I'm not sure though.

 

anyway thats where I am at today..