Lost and hurting

[csek240]

Ok so yesterday I finally got up the courage to break up with my boyfriend (of over a year) and move out. It was long awaited and it's a good thing because the relationship was so unhealthy. He would call me names, swear at me, push me around, make fun of my family,etc. But for some reason I just want to call him and tell him it was all a mistake. I miss him and I feel like I shouldn't.

It's hard to stay NC when I know he is so close. I feel really alone and sort of lost. Like a 'what should i do now' feeling. I guess i'm just really here to vent and get ideas how to just get my mind off the whole thing. I want to heal but I just don't know how.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

THanks

[savignon]

just keep reading what you posted here. "He would call me names, push me around, make fun of my family.." Would you like to spend another year like that? Spend any anxious time imagining and thinking about what you'd like your life to look like a year from NOW....and thank yourself for the time your saving by knowing you won't be with someone who treats you like that.

[Brigadoon]

Yeah and I'll bet at times that you would be just near the end of your patience and ready to leave and he would turn on the charm/waterworks, whichever his chosen weapon was? You were amazing/wonderful/beautiful, there was no-one else like you and he couldn't do enough to prove how much he'd change to keep you? This is called "intermittent reinforcement" and is used to make you doubt yourself and claw you back in. Google it, then go read "I can mend your broken heart" by Paul Mckenna. He has a section dealing with cases just like yours and I have to say that a lot of his techniques have really helped me.

Good luck and keep strong, in the book he says something along the lines of making a kind of slideshow of bad memories of the ex and keep playing them over and over in your mind. Hopefully this will keep you strong enough to stay away despite the attachment you still feel for him.

Well done for leaving, I know how hard it is to have to strike out on your own so if you were strong enough to take those first steps you'll be well able to keep walking ](*,)