Did I do the right thing telling my X not to contact me again?

[Live-N-Learn]

I have been reading a lot of the posts in this thread and am so thankful I found this site! I have taken the advice to heart and have started my NC today. This is really going to be hard but I can do it. I have posted my story here in other places but will give a brief summary now.

 

She broke up with me 2 months ago. It really was my fault we broke up. She really cared about me but I messed it up. After the breakup I spent 6 weeks fixing the areas I needed to fix to let her know I had change. I promise you I fixed them. There was no cheating in the relationship just some stuff that I needed to take care of. She knows it is fixed.

 

After the first 4 weeks we were hanging out together agian on and off, she was still sending mixed signals but she made it clear she only wanted to be friends and see what happens. So 2 weeks ago I sat her down and said this:

 

I told her I really cared about her but was letting her go. It was clear she did not want to be with me and that was OK. I was moving on. I told her I would not be putting my feelings out there anymore and was going to be open to start dating other people and just wanted her to know. I told her if she dicided she wanted to come back to call me and hopefully it would not be too late.

 

I could see the look in her eye that she was getting respect back for me. she asked me what I meant by letting her go. I told her I was just not going to try any longer to get back with her. I said all of this in love, with a smile on my face and with confidence.

 

Then a week later I called her and told her we had so many good times together and that is how I want to remember her. I told her she was sending me way too many mixed signals with her texts and calls and that I was checking out. I told her we are in two different places right now. You want friendship and I want more. I said because of this we can not be friends right now. I am not going to contact you again until if and when I can come back and not want more than friends. I told her not to expect a call anytime soon.

 

I also told her not to contact me again unless she wanted more than friends. Well that was about 10 days ago. Guess who spent the night 2 nights ago? Ya the X. I am not saying we are getting back together but I can promise you without me telling her I was going NC right after her birthday, it would have never happened!

 

So last night we celebrated her birthday had a blast then I said goodbye. You have my number and can call if you decide you want to be more than friends.

 

Did I do the right thing? Should I have told her she could call if she wants still even though she has not said she wants to come back? I really could use some advise on this. I think she may come back but want to know if I am handling this right.

 

Truthfully she only started to respond, text, call and hanging out again once I told her I was checking out.

[Sanesoul]

It sounds like you are not being strong in your word. She spent the night with you after you told her not to contact you unless she wanted to be more than friends.

 

She can't and won't take you seriously on this if you aren't firm.

[Live-N-Learn]

Actually, we agreed to keep the lines open until today. Her birthday was last night and we agreed to end it on a high note. NC starts today. More than friends does not mean she has to come straight back as my girlfriend but it does mean more than friends. So Wednesday based on our agreement was OK in my eyes.

[squirl]

Yes, I would say you did most everything playbook perfect.

 

Except the bday sleepover part, but the way you left it is right, as long as you stand by your word.

 

SuperDave had a post a long time ago about the perfect way to be dumped. Something like telling them they are about to make a huge mistake, but thank you for the good times and goodbye. And do it with a smile, as you walk out the door and go cold NC.

 

I really wish I could find that post. It was a classic.

[squirl]

Sorry, I read your post again and it sounds like you're basically inviting her to be your FWB because in your mind that's more than friends.

 

That is a very bad road to go down. You have to tell her clearly that you want reconciliation or leave her. FWB is not being "checked out" of a relationship. It is allowing yourself to be used. She will not respect you, and the vagueness will tear you apart over time.

[Live-N-Learn]

Sorry, I read your post again and it sounds like you're basically inviting her to be your FWB because in your mind that's more than friends.

 

That is a very bad road to go down. You have to tell her clearly that you want reconciliation or leave her. FWB is not being "checked out" of a relationship. It is allowing yourself to be used. She will not respect you, and the vagueness will tear you apart over time.

 

I guess I am a little confused when you state "FWB in not being checked out of a relationship". Are you thinking I am FWB right now? I am not FWB right now, I am on day 2 of NC. Why would it be very bad road to go down if she came back and we dated? She may not be totally sure if she wants to come back 100% as my girlfriend but is more comfortable taking it slow, going out on some dates and coming back and spending the night.

 

I guess I don't want to put her in a place where it is all or nothing. Be 100% mine or don't call. I wanted to give her the option to call if she wants to go on dates with me as well and take it slow. There was some damage done and it may take some time to get there.

 

As I mentioned unless she wants to come back and date or as my girlfriend don't call.