Is infatuation always a bad thing?

[ChrisC]

I always hear about how there is a huge difference between infatuation and love and that infatuation is a bad thing that you need to get over. But is it always a bad thing? Is it so wrong to act on your infatuation? Let's say you have become insanely attracted and infatuated with someone you barely know. Is it so wrong to act on those feelings and start talking to the person and then ask them out? If you get a 'No', you can just move on. But its ridiculous to think that infatuation is some kind of evil thing. Shouldn't you be infatuated with the person you are going to spend your life with? Shouldn't you be super attracted to them? I think you always have to feel some kind of infatuation in the beginning. But once you've been with a person, it goes beyond the infatuation and you can potentially fall in love with them.

 

Why is infatuation always viewed as a negative thing? And what is the harm in acting on it and asking the person out? You could miss out on the love of your life if you don't take a risk. You have nothing to lose. If you get rejected you move on and eventually you will find someone else. To me, being attracted to your partner is a huge deal...the person I want to marry is going to be someone that I have the initial infatuation for that will eventually develop into something much deeper.

[shes2smart]

Infatuation is kinda like a rich dessert - it's ok to indulge every once in a while, but a steady diet of it isn't good.

 

Infatuation has more to do with our own ideas, fantasies and what we believe a person is like than the actual person themselves. If we make attempts to get to know the person we're infatuated with, they may insist on being nothing like what we hoped/wished/fantasized they were like That can be some degree of disappointing...anywhere from a minor letdown (didn't think they'd be like that, but we decide to like them anyway) to a major rude awakening (wow...really, you kill puppies for fun? freak.)

 

I think that's part of the reason infatuation has a negative connotation -- the fact that it's not always grounded in reality combined with the disappointment we feel when confronted (sometimes harshly) with that fact.

 

In a healthier scenario, infatuation sparks our initial interest in someone so that we become motivated to do the work of getting to know them (not just our hopes/fantasies/wishes about who they are) and perhaps developing a relationship with them.

 

Infatuation without that infusion of reality has a dark side - obession, stalking...some scary stuff.

 

As long as you're grounded in reality and realize that the person that's piqued your interest may or may not be who you think they are....and you also respect the fact that they have every right to be nothing like what you think they should be like, nothing wrong with the occasional indulgence.

[Taikero]

Infatuation is great until it clouds your reasoning on important decisions.

 

Keep your feet on the ground while your head's in the clouds and you'll be fine.

[ChrisC]

That's what I'm sayin. I would never let any infatuation get to an unhealthy level. I would never become obsessive or creepy about it. I know that there is a reality that exists. All I'd like to do is take that chance and try to find out who this person really is. Like you said, you may find things out that you don't like and you have to accept that. There is someone who I have a minor infatuation and an intense attraction to that I see a couple days a week and who I have never really had a conversation with. I'm not letting it get to any kind of weird level, but I am trying to get the courage to at least try to have a conversation with this person and find some things out about them, and if I felt comfortable enough, to ask them out for dinner or something. At least then I wouldn't always wonder what if. I'd get my answer about whether or not they'd be interested in me. I would never let an infatuation consume me though.

[Taikero]

Trust me, given the right (wrong?) person, infatuation can be rather dizzying, almost drug-like, and cause you to do things you would have never under any other circumstances considered before.

 

I used to say, "I'd never do..." and then I was proven wrong. Fair warning, keep your wits about you!

[ChrisC]

I haven't really done anything outrageous. I just see this person and I just feel so attracted to them. I haven't done anything stalkerish, I just think in my head about how I wish I could get the courage to go talk to this person. But I just keep my distance instead.

[shes2smart]

I haven't really done anything outrageous. I just see this person and I just feel so attracted to them. I haven't done anything stalkerish, I just think in my head about how I wish I could get the courage to go talk to this person. But I just keep my distance instead.

 

You need that infusion of reality that comes from actually interacting with this person.

 

Keeping your distance allows your infatuation to feed on itself.

 

Starting to have actual interaction with the person will give you the opportunity to start learning about the reality of who they are and get you out of your own head.

[ChrisC]

I don't think it has because I constantly remind myself that it is just infatuation and not to let it get to me. Its only a matter of me having the balls to go and talk to her. One of these days I will. But I always make sure I am aware of the reality. You just can't shut off your attraction to someone. But I never become obsessed. I know what is healthy.