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Fears of the Future


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So I am at the point where I don't really feel like contacting my ex anymore (at least for now, and hope things stay this way), and have been trying to meet new girls etc. Not a wreck emotionally anymore, but still not 100%.

 

There are a few things that keep kinda bothering me though... and I guess many people may have similar fears, and I guess would be nice if we shared experiences and how you coped with it.

 

So fears:

 

1) Fear of having the person be into me, starting a relationship, just so that when I finally give all of myself, put my heart in that person's hand, she stops appreciating it, and leaves me heart-broken. Because of this, I fear that I will always hold-back in a relationship and always try to stay in control and keep the person loving me more than I love her... something that I am not particularly thrilled about...

 

2) Fear that I will never experience the admiration and passion that my ex had for me. The girl was simply crazy about me in the beginning. It was as if my presence made her intoxicated, she would get really excited and euphoric... and it's the type of thing that had never happened before, and I fear that will not happen again. Even if my next gf loves me, I fear I will not have this same effect on a girl again...

 

3) Fear of eventually hurting my next gf. This is because for some odd reason even though I don't really feel an emotional connection with my ex anymore, and have no plans on trying to get back together, I still feel attraction for her. And I fear that if I have some gf that is a very nice girl, beautiful etc, I might not have this same "passion/attraction" for her as I did for my ex, and then leave her and break her heart, which would be really unfair. Would crush me to hurt someone else that does not deserve it, that is loving me with all they have and yet I fail to appreciate it like my ex failed to appreciate me...

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So fears:

 

1) Fear of having the person be into me, starting a relationship, just so that when I finally give all of myself, put my heart in that person's hand, she stops appreciating it, and leaves me heart-broken. Because of this, I fear that I will always hold-back in a relationship and always try to stay in control and keep the person loving me more than I love her... something that I am not particularly thrilled about......

 

I've got that fear too. I think most people do, even when we haven't had our hearts ripped out and crammed up our butts. But that is the risk we take when dating, we simply must be willing to get hurt. The pain is horrid, but worth it in the end.

 

 

2) Fear that I will never experience the admiration and passion that my ex had for me. The girl was simply crazy about me in the beginning. It was as if my presence made her intoxicated' date=' she would get really excited and euphoric... and it's the type of thing that had never happened before, and I fear that will not happen again. Even if my next gf loves me, I fear I will not have this same effect on a girl again...[/quote']

 

I think you should be afraid that you WILL experience that sort of admiration, it doesn't sound healthy to be honest. Love is a powerful thing, and there should be a certain amount of retarculousness that goes into it. But when someone becomes someone else's WORLD...then one of both of them are in for worlds of shyt. I'm personally looking forward to a nice, mellow, healthy relationship. I'm tired of these men that fall so, so, so very in 'love' in the beginning. Only to go totally weird on me when that chemical high wears off.

 

3) Fear of eventually hurting my next gf. This is because for some odd reason even though I don't really feel an emotional connection with my ex anymore' date=' and have no plans on trying to get back together, I still feel attraction for her. And I fear that if I have some gf that is a very nice girl, beautiful etc, I might not have this same "passion/attraction" for her as I did for my ex, and then leave her and break her heart, which would be really unfair. Would crush me to hurt someone else that does not deserve it, that is loving me with all they have and yet I fail to appreciate it like my ex failed to appreciate me...[/quote']

 

Then date casually for a while. Don't fall into anything serious until you are completely over your ex. You will get over her. Trust me. It just takes time. And when you find yourself in a healthy relationship with a wonderful woman who knows what she really wants, your ex will be just a memory to you.

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I think your fears are very normal feelings for anyone who has been in love before and had their heart broken. You know all too well how painful a broken heart is, and it's human nature to be terrified of having to relive something like that again.

 

The thing is, nothing in life is guaranteed. You may very well fall madly in love with someone new, who ends up breaking your heart. Or you could break someone else's heart. These are the facts for anyone.

 

I have felt fears like yours before, but what helped me was to realize that certain things are just out my hands. Love always comes with a risk, and there are no exceptions to that. The only thing that you can control is get to know someone slowly and try to fall for them slowly, so that if there are red flags about their personality, you recognize them and move on (and in response to fear #2- that kind of admiration, especially so early, would be a red flag for me). Also, don't date people that you only feel so-so about, so you don't lead them on and break their heart. Aside from that, all you can do is love fully and hope for the best.

 

If it helps, I think your fears will reduce substantially once your heart break is a distant memory. Time really does do wonders for things like this; it did for me.

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1. Fear that I'm not capable of loving another guy. I'm a very loyal person, and even though it's been close to 5 months, I still feel like attempting to find someone else is disrespectful, even if he clearly doesn't feel the same. I absolutely adored him, and don't see myself feeling that way about someone else.

 

2. Fear that I won't experience the same passion with someone else. I just don't feel attracted to other guys, as much as I try. Maybe it's still too soon, but I just can't picture myself with someone else!! I still want my ex, in every way.

 

3. Fear that this is the only beginning of having my heart broken. Things were amazing between my ex and me up until the last month, even discussing marriage. If a guy who was so invested in me can just up and leave me, what's to stop the next guy from doing that too?

 

4. Fear that I'll feel bitterness and resentment against him for a long, long time. I respect him for leaving me if that was what was best for him, but at the same time it's SO HARD not to hold him accountable for my pain. And I don't want baggage if I meet someone new.

 

5. Fear that he will fall in love with someone new and love them more than me. Is that stupid?

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