It really hurts

[Kashmir4321]

Everyone is completely right when they tell you right after a break up that time will heal you. It's been been three months for me, and I can sleep at night, wake up vaguely alright in the morning, and spend time with friends without acting like the melancholy heartbroken zombie I used to be. To nearly everyone I probably seem to have moved on from my past relationship, which lasted three years. But are they right? NO! I still spend nearly all of my time thinking of him, and whenever I have more than a few minutes to alone to myself, I get to thinking, which leads to crying. I don't talk to my friends or family about it anymore, it doesn't provide any relief. I have such a disgusting whirlwind of emotions within me, but the predominant two are hurt and longing. Despite feeling very betrayed, I can't help but miss him like crazy, my love, my once best friend. If it were possible to simply give up hope that he might ever return to me, trust me I would. But no, instead my subconscious mind forces me to see him while I sleep. I hate everything he's done in the past few months, but not enough to just say "screw him."

 

I can comfort myself knowing that I'm currently doing the best I know how to in bringing about a reconciliation, and healing myself. I haven't spoken to him for about three months, after a brief awful period of begging and pleading for us to work this out. I went no contact not because anyone had advised me to, but because I couldn't come up with anything to say that I thought would help. As soon as I found out he was dating someone else (three weeks after we broke up) I was DEVASTATED, and unfortunately they are still together.

 

Because of his new relationship, I can't even find comfort in thinking to myself that he misses me, or even thinks of me. The guy who adored me for years, now doesn't even look at me when he walks past. I'm young, but I've never experienced a pain like this one before.

 

There isn't really a point to this post. I just need somewhere to dump all these awful thoughts. Sadly I do want him back, and even though it would be difficult I would commit to working through all the problems of our relationship. If only he could do the same.

[ionno]

There are several steps I took to help me get over it (and get past some other personal issues in life).

 

First thing: Make a list of things you won't miss about your ex, this was a big thing that helped me. Whenever you miss him read the list.

 

Second: You could write a letter containing everything you'd like to say to him, just to get it out, and then just hide it away somewhere, or don't save it on your computer. Don't make it a regular habit.

 

Third: Get busy, get involved in things, it makes it easier. I'm a musician and one thing that helped me a lot was just playing my instruments and writing lyrics (and not necessarily ones that pertained to the breakup, I mostly focused on other subjects), if you have something that grants you reprieve from normal life, pursue it and use it.

[Kashmir4321]

Thats sound advice ionno. I'm in school, so that of course takes up a ton of my time. Dance is my life and passion, especially ballet, and I spend most of my time in class or rehearsals, and I feel so relieved when I'm there. But then of course as soon as I'm at home, its like I realize once again that he's not calling me tonight, and that he is with another girl, and boy does it suck. And I did write him a letter a while back, with the intentions of just writing about how mad I was at him, but it ended up being a very sad letter. It was more of a really depressing admittance of how much I love him. I think I will just have to try even harder to fill up my time, to keep my mind off of it.