Ex contacted me "again"

[Silverrenesis]

My ex contacted me again this time, to ask me for money she had lend me before we broke off. Funny thing is, she owed me too. And I never have gone back asking or even thinking of asking... She also wrote a pic comment on my facebook complementing me on one of my new pictures... Why does she feel the need to do this... She wanted it out... Why keep around?

[fLuiD]

Why do you still have her on your Facebook friends list? She should be blocked so that she can't contact you through there. In order to establish NC, you need to go all or nothing. You are giving her the ability to contact you by having these methods of communication open. You need to Block her on Facebook, change your AIM/MSN screennames, change your phone number, etc.

[Silverrenesis]

Well I did that after the first week of the brake up. And she texted me saying I was taking it too far and I felt imature by doing so, not to mention a feeling of her having power over me. I sent her a friend request and told her she still had my friendship and that I deleted her in a point of emotions... After that, I felt stronger, I felt that by her knowing I was hurt and angry, it gave her power over me. Its been a month and i barely think about her. Im done and moving along quite well and I have not innitiated any sort of contact, is always her... Im just wondering why does she bother, if she wanted out of our relationship... To be honest is not a big deal, I've gained my honor and strenght back...

[fLuiD]

You gave into her manipulation. She manipulated you into adding her back on Facebook...gave you a guilt trip because you had gone too far. You apologized to her for doing something to improve yourself. You admitted that it was a heat of the moment reaction and then went and requested her on Facebook. And through all this, you seemed to have forgotten that you are single now because she left you. It seems like you are all about giving her what she wants. Thats fine. But, be prepared to face the consequences for it. As long as you keep methods of communication open with her, your moving on will be delayed.

[FrenchFries]

Cosigning with fLuiD. No one should feel immature for deleting a facebook friend. I delete people all the time. So what? It's your account. If anything it was immature of her to message you and convince you to add her back. Maybe ask her why she continues to contact you. Maybe because you've allowed the lines of communication to remain open and she wants to "stay in your head"

[Silverrenesis]

Cosigning with fLuiD. No one should feel immature for deleting a facebook friend. I delete people all the time. So what? It's your account. If anything it was immature of her to message you and convince you to add her back. Maybe ask her why she continues to contact you. Maybe because you've allowed the lines of communication to remain open and she wants to "stay in your head"

 

 

 

She is not in my head... Im being honest.. Ive moved on, sad to say but I have... and I enjoy my company with friends and family more then ever... But I know sometimes ex's can't be friends, But she was great to me and i to her.. I dont have much emotions left for her, and i dont want t be mean...

[DazB]

My ex contacted me again this time, to ask me for money she had lend me before we broke off. Funny thing is, she owed me too. And I never have gone back asking or even thinking of asking... She also wrote a pic comment on my facebook complementing me on one of my new pictures... Why does she feel the need to do this... She wanted it out... Why keep around?

 

Anything I may reply with is pure speculation. I do not know, niether do you and I think that is obvious but sometimes it is worth a reminder because we often try to figure out why someone acts the way they do, why? Peace of mind I guess.

 

She knows why she contacts you and if you want peace of mind then I would engage the bull head on. If you have moved on then you should be safe contacting her*, if you haven't don't feel guilty for making selfish decisions in the aid of healing.

 

I think I side stepped your question

 

*Edit: Something along the lines of 'Why are you commenting on my pics? we broke up remember.' Ok maybe not that. On second thoughts - ditch that Idea. Ignore her and just give up on trying to figure her out. Unless of course you have other reasons to contact her.

[Lifes4Living]

If you arent strong enough to hold firm or if you allow your emotions to go out of control because they contact you through facebook, or if they txt or call etc (through either loneliness themselves or even eliviating guilt) then by all means block on facebook, cancel ur cell number and get a new one

 

But... I dont think anyone should have to that if they dont want to. You have given them what they want, now they should give you what you want. The problem doesnt lie with you and your FB or cell phone, its with them!

 

Stay strong. Wishing you the best.

[Silverrenesis]

If you arent strong enough to hold firm or if you allow your emotions to go out of control because they contact you through facebook, or if they txt or call etc (through either loneliness themselves or even eliviating guilt) then by all means block on facebook, cancel ur cell number and get a new one

 

But... I dont think anyone should have to that if they dont want to. You have given them what they want, now they should give you what you want. The problem doesnt lie with you and your FB or cell phone, its with them!

 

Stay strong. Wishing you the best.

 

thank you for such wishes... I am holding on strong, and the days of not sleeping well and nit eating well are way behind me. and althougb is only almost a month, i feel very good... I even started dating again and started hanging out with old friends that I didnt hang out with.. But I let her do what she is doing not because I hope for anything or wonder off into things like getting back with her, I let her contact me because She was my friend before we dated, and still is despite the fact that she easily gave up on us. I was hurt at first, but the first step is accepting, which i did. And never looked back. She is not a bad person, on the opposite, she is the nicest person, but I have to let go of grudges or deslikes, it will only drag me down...I cant let no human being gain control of me in shuch ways...

[yankeefan74]

Listen...what works for each person may be different, but I can tell you that for me, the worst breakup of my life occurred nearly 3 summers ago, and that's what brought me here.

 

The biggest issue with all of it is that I tried to keep her in my life because we were friends before the relationship. Almost everyone is...that's how a lot of relationships start.

 

But I realized the only reason I wanted her in my life as a "friend" is because I was hoping for more, eventually. Make sure you're able to treat her as a friend - if she walked up to you and told you that she has met the most amazing guy and she's "Never been happier"...and that doesn't bother you at all, then yes, you can be friends. Otherwise, I wouldn't suggest you continue to allow her to contact you.

[squirl]

Why does she feel the need to do this... She wanted it out... Why keep around?

 

Because that's what FB friends do. Maybe she wants the money and takes your FB friendship at face value. If you owe her money, then you should pay it back, deduct whatever she owes you, or ask her for whatever the difference is.

 

It's up to you if you want to do NC or have her as a FB friend. NC is a blunt weapon that works for some people, doesn't work for others in feeling better. If it makes you feel better about yourself to accept friendship then that's ok. There's no one right way, only what works for you.