For those who have recently given up

[Maramoan]

I have recently given up hope...I didn't want to but after a couple months back of resumed contact to now having a month of no contact once again...I realize I have to let him go...

 

Is there anyone else on this forum who has decided to toss in the towel? Would you like to talk about it?

[Raistlin]

You have no idea.

[AJEDrew7]

Yea, I pretty much went through the same thing with my ex.

[Maramoan]

You have no idea.

 

Still doing with the emotions from making the choice to throw in the towel?

[Russ]

Took me a whole year, but I let it go recently.

[Raistlin]

Still doing with the emotions from making the choice to throw in the towel?

 

Still dealing with the confusion leading up to the end of my relationship, and the aftermath. It only happened Wednesday.

 

Read my past few threads for info about how I feel. Starting with "I want it to end".

[LadyBrandon]

Feeling the same way right now....and it sucks.

[adviseseeker]

I'm starting to, but I guess it's only been 2 weeks of no contact again. Maybe something will happen in the next two weeks but if not I will probably throw in the towel too.

[Anon333]

I wish I could give up hope...He said it is over and he is with someone else. There is no reason for me to be holding on...But I am even when I dont want to be...All logic cannot stop my mind from hoping...and even if he came back, I know it wouldnt be right, and STILL I want him back...Its not logical but I hurt over it....Its been about 23 days NC...I hope within another month or two I will be able to let go..The days feel soooo Long...

[mattguy]

Ive pretty much given up hope... hes moving back to his hometown soon, and it looks like him and his ex will be gettig back together when he does... im trying to give up hope but my mind just replays all the great things about the 2 of us.

[dudeinlimbo]

Yep, after 4 months of "i love you", "i miss you", "i still see a future with us" (these things said between both of us... not just me) I recently did finally decide it was just not going to happen. She is still 1000 miles away with her bf, and it's all talk. Yes, it sucks... a whole new type of pain once you realize you are definitely moving on. How can someone who has been through the most horrific pain have even more pain!?. But, it is also exciting at times, and a relief at times (as I am not constantly reopening wounds). ... so let's say 70% pain, 20% relief, and 10% excitement. But, the pain is dropping each week, and the excitement is rising! So, let's do this thing and get through to our new lives!!!

[guiltyflood]

I don't look at is as giving up hope.

 

I'm looking at it as moving forward.

 

In the past week, I had to deal with the surprising drama of a friend whose 4-year relationship ended all of a sudden, followed by him then learning that his now-ex had been hiding a scandal that would make Tiger Woods jealous.

This combined with the general advice of a friend, who says that it's just unhealthy to kind of dwell on hoping that my ex would come back.

 

And you know what? He's absolutely right.

 

Following my breakup nearly 3 months ago, I went about 2 months of NC (after an unhealthy text message), followed by her breaking it, a meeting that only indicated to me that she still had feelings but did not think the relationship would work out, followed by another 10 days of NC. I stuck to NC when I said I would, and have never budged.

 

She's now doing subtle things to remind me she's still there (like my statuses, reply in rather useless fashion on threads that I have commented on, etc). It could be her trying to catch my attention, since FB makes sure you find out about it. But why worry about it? She literally could have moved on and is just creating humor.

 

For the last 2 weeks, I've played mind games with myself about her. I never budged NC, and I guess it's transitioned into LC. I'm convinced she's trying to move on.

 

But after the last week, I realized why even worry? These last 3 months have taught me that I don't need her in my life to be happy. These last 3 months have taught me that I need to always put myself and the people who truly matter to me first and foremost.

 

Now, it is truly easy for me to not exactly give up hope, but really focus on myself going forward. I do truly, TRULY believe that if 2 people were to get back together, that they have to start completely over, and rid themselves of emotions from the previous relationship. With NC, my new activities, my new hobbies, my new interests, and a renewed self-esteem, I'm about 90% there (with the only cause for drawback being if I find out she's sleeping around with somebody.... but even that is starting to not bother me as much).

 

I don't know if my ex and I are ever going to get back together. But right now, it almost seems as if that question is slowly fading from my mind. This website is great for helping cope with the stresses and depression of a breakup, and in a sense can accelerate the process if you play your cards right. However, there's going to be a point where you can realize what's best for yourself, and that will help you move forward. That is when the forum has completely done it's job.

 

So please, don't look at it as if you're struggling to let go of somebody you love. Don't force yourself to accept something that's going to have you completely depressed. Instead, do what you can to put yourself in a position to trust yourself in moving forward. Don't worry about the ex, but do the activities that are vital to boosting your self-esteem. After an extended time period, you're going to eventually reach that point that I reached this past week, and you're going to have absolute confidence in moving forward.

 

Trust me, it's for the best!

[1guygirl]

well when i look back at my time with ex, too much has gone on to take him back, i have lost trust in him completely in every area, and well thats the skidders on it for me...

 

so yeah i threw the towel in on us, and i accept that hurts pretty bad, and im so disaspointed...but hey...i did everything i could, i admitted my part and apologized, what he done?? ...kept on paddling in that egyptian river

 

jus gunna focus on me, and my life now, make some changes and i will be happier without him when this pain fades...that i KNOW for sure

[scuba-dude]

I threw in the towel on my ex 2 months after waiting for a yes or no answer when I proposed to her. I gave her plenty of time to think about it. Amazingly 8 months later she comes back and wants it.

 

I wanted it so bad months ago. Now all I wanting to do is meet her for lunch, or dinner, and see if anything is still there. I also want to hear everything is needs to get out, and I will ask a lot of questions.

[TSandullo]

I don't look at is as giving up hope.

 

I'm looking at it as moving forward.

 

These last 3 months have taught me that I don't need her in my life to be happy. These last 3 months have taught me that I need to always put myself and the people who truly matter to me first and foremost.

 

Guilty flood, what you said here is vital. And I do hope many people take this onboard.

NC is for them and not a cheap attempt to get the ex back.

 

Sadly, many believe they need their ex back to be happy and this is simply flawed.

You were happy once when you were single, you were happy as a couple, and I am sure we can be happy single again.

 

Yes, I do still love my ex and want her back, however, I have realised that she is not the source of my ultimate happiness, simply a worthwhile addition to my life.

If we never reconcile, cool. If we do, cool.

 

Either way, I have hope: Hope that I am moving on and being well.

 

TS

[.Q.]

I keep feeling like i have let go, only for the feelings to resurface every once in a while and set me back.

 

Probably doesn't help that i'm not really interested in anyone else at the moment to take my mind off her. I think i've lost my mojo. For now. lol.

[Maramoan]

I keep feeling like i have let go, only for the feelings to resurface every once in a while and set me back.

 

Probably doesn't help that i'm not really interested in anyone else at the moment to take my mind off her. I think i've lost my mojo. For now. lol.

 

I am in the same boat. Lately I think I just miss his company. I like how it felt to be around him and I haven't felt that with any other guy so far...

[fLuiD]

I been trying to get to at least my 30 day mark of NC. But I gave up recently and said that after those 30 days of NC, I will keep going NC. It's done. It's over. Take it as something to learn from, and hope you never go through it again. If you do, you are always prepared from prior experience.

[jmr19114425]

Yes, I do still love my ex and want her back, however, I have realised that she is not the source of my ultimate happiness, simply a worthwhile addition to my life.

If we never reconcile, cool. If we do, cool.

 

Either way, I have hope: Hope that I am moving on and being well.

 

TS

 

 

I have finally come to terms with this; the pain sucks and it effing hurts but I am also relieved by the fact that if there is never an "us" again, I will be okay...