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Resentful ex


DirectDingo

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My ex blames me for a lot of the things wrong in her life. We broke up because I got tired of being blamed for doing and saying the things I did. I admit, sometimes I said things that might not sound nice. The truth is, someone had to be honest with her and tell her these things. I was concerned about her health, her well-being and her taking unnecessary risks. She was on the quick road to ruin and somebody had to.

 

I loved her, I still love her, but I decided NC was the best thing for us both and moved on after a nasty argument we had shortly after the breakup. I've spent the time since then and now focusing on my own life, but it seems she still resents me. A friend directed me to her facebook page yesterday, where she was still making comments about how horrible I was to her. She's even blaming me for things that clearly had nothing to do with me.

 

I'd be happy to talk to her again, maybe even be friends some day, I've put all the anger and resentment behind me, but her continual nastiness is just making me angry. If she did it to her friends in private it would be fine, but she's posting it for all my friends and family to see and comment on.

 

What I'm really wondering is, how do I approach this situation? I don't really want to talk to her, but these horrible comments are not nice. It upsets me and my friends. How can I make her stop?

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You shouldn't force yourself to contact her if its not something which you want to do. Maybe your friends and family can have a word with her? They could ask her to stop claiming false things about you because they don't appreciate such things. It may work.

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Why have you posted this in abuse and violence?

 

Due to the fact that she's being abusive. It's not just the nasty remarks, I've received phone calls from 'unknown numbers', threats and abuse, even police calls to say I've been abusing her when I haven't. Though a lot of it is indirect, such as her getting her friends to phone me to have a go at me, it's still very much abusive in my opinion. At least I think making false accusations about me and my character is abusive. It's upsetting, I know that much.

 

 

In regards to the other comment, I really don't want to get people involved/ask them to take sides. The truth is, I just want a nice easy, peaceful life. I don't need all the aggro of fighting, name calling and such. Maybe if I ignore her she'll just go away?

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Due to the fact that she's being abusive. It's not just the nasty remarks, I've received phone calls from 'unknown numbers', threats and abuse, even police calls to say I've been abusing her when I haven't. Though a lot of it is indirect, such as her getting her friends to phone me to have a go at me, it's still very much abusive in my opinion. At least I think making false accusations about me and my character is abusive. It's upsetting, I know that much.

 

 

In regards to the other comment, I really don't want to get people involved/ask them to take sides. The truth is, I just want a nice easy, peaceful life. I don't need all the aggro of fighting, name calling and such. Maybe if I ignore her she'll just go away?

 

You have been ignoring her so far, no? And the same is still happening, but yes try to keep on ignoring her, but make sure it really is a proper ignore, for example: Her abusive ways are making you angry, don't let it get you angry.

 

Hmm I only suggested asking your family/friends to have a talk to her because its them who she is making the accusations to. If they show her that they don't want to hear that sort of thing, it will get the message accross to her to stop. If they don't do anything, then it kind of gives her the message that she is succeeding in trying to defame your character.

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You're absolutely right in your advice. I guess my friends are just thinking the same as me, "leave it and she'll grow tired of it or move on eventually." I better have a word and ask one of them to pull her to one side and tell her to drop it. We haven't spoken in a long time though and I just wonder if it's a ploy to talk to me as much as anything else.

 

Honestly, it's a shame because we were really good friends and very close for many years. She was very much broken when I met her and I spent much of my time trying to make her life better. I did love her the way she was, just didn't love the unhappiness/regretting missed opportunities/blaming other people. In trying to change her it seems, she developed a hatred for me, without realising that I was trying to change her so that she'd be happy. I encouraged her to pursue the education she always wanted to and to achieve her personal goals, but somehow she got the wrong end of the stick and believed I was trying to mould her into a woman I wanted. Tough one to strike a balance with.

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She sounds hurt, to be honest. People who are angry are really hurting on the inside. Hate is not the opposite of love, it's indifference. The fact that she and her friends are wasting so much precious time and breath on you shows that she still cares about you in a messed up way. She knows that you're better than her, she knows you wanted her to be a good person because deep down she's a rotten apple, and it makes her pissed off.

 

In the end, all you can do is either ignore her, or if she tries to stalk you or get physical with you, file for a restraining order.

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