What do you do when there always seems to be some reason you can't hang out?

[tripped]

Met this girl almost 4 weeks ago. We both seem interested, but every time one of us invites the other out, there seems to be some excuse. We have hung out twice since meeting, but each of us usually will invite the other out once or twice a week. One problem is that she seems less interested when I invite her out, but then she will invite me out a day or two later. I realize that this could all be solved by simply setting up an actual date... But I just got out of a really serious relationship, so the idea of a date kinda just freaks me out. Any ideas on what to do?

[easyguy]

Do you ask her by phrasing it, "Let's hang out on such-and-such day"?

 

And does she know that you are not looking for a date, but a friend (granted that is what you are looking for)? A similar thing happened to be the other day. I met a friend of a close friend, who is quite attractive. Just 3 weeks out of a serious, intimate relationship, I almost overstepped my boundaries by throwing myself back into the dating arena. She and I flirted via text messaging for a bit a couple days in a row. I was also aware that she too was getting out of a relationship and had quite the work to do herself. So when I asked her out for coffee, I also mentioned that this isn't a date. She's interested and told me to check with her the day of (Monday).

 

Perhaps you just have to lay it down and let her know exactly what it is you're wanting to do/arrange. This new friend of mine works a 9-5 job Tues-Sat, so she's busy and has a life outside of work. But she gladly takes me up on a coffee hang.

 

I don't know. Maybe some people get nervous or feel awkward when they get asked to hang out, like, in a male/female situation. I tend to be the one asking, sometimes too much.

[Speranza]

Isn't this just about words? Hanging out is a casual date, surely? Unless she understands your situation she is probably really p***ed off with you for not seeming to want anything more.

 

Have you talked to her and explained?

[tripped]

Generally we will text each other and invite the other person to a social hangout. Like my friend had a party the other night, so I said she should come. She had to work, and then tonight she invited me to meet up with some friends of hers at a bar, but I have to wake up super early so I said I would take a rain check. Every couple of days this seems to happen. I dont really know what I want from her. I'm not sure what she is looking for, and I am looking for something noncommital and fun. She doesn't know about my ex, it's never really come up. I'm not even sure she is interested in me like that, but it seems obvious that she would be, considering how often to invites me out.

[easyguy]

I would just be straight up with her and not go for the game playing. You're probably hurt enough as is. Just spell it out, and if she's motivated by something more, then no reason to associate with her now.

 

And by "fun", are you referring to casual sex? Or just hang out and get to know each other, buddy-buddy fun?

[Speranza]

I dont really know what I want from her. I'm not sure what she is looking for,

Hardly the recipe for love, is it? And as you say you're not ready, why are you bothering?

 

She doesn't know about my ex, it's never really come up.

Yes it has. It has come up every time you've panicked inside and found some reason not to meet her. As a woman, she will be seeing clear signs of 'he's just not that into me'.

 

Fortunately, it seems like it's mutual. Why not just quite while you're both ahead?

[tripped]

No, I'm not just looking for sex, but I'm not really looking for just a friend either. I want a physical relationship, but I'd like to just take things slow and let them naturally progress, but I feel like that isn't happening. I mean, sure, I could just say screw it, but she seems like a cool girl and there is an attraction, so of course it's worth it to get to know her better. The question is how to overcome this lack of forward momentum without making things defined and serious.

[tripped]

Oh, and I don't panic when she invites me somewhere. She legitimately just calls me at the worst times, like when I already have plans or have to wake up early. It really doesn't help that we are both living at home for the moment, and live about 30 minutes away from each other.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that you should ask her out on a specific day but it seems to me that eventually you two will have to be free at the same time. Since the OP just got out of a serious relationship I think that he should just keep inviting her out, as he doesnt want this to be serious.

 

It seems to me that the OP and this girl are on the same page as they both dont want to step things up. I would also turn the invites into a little game since you both seem to have plans when the other invites you somewhere. I think you should have fun with the situation but dont take it seriously.