work on urself to "get" the kind of man ur attracted to?

[aabbcc]

Was just wondering whether you have it or think similar.

 

The thing is, I think I know what kind of man I am attracted to (positive, enrgetic, ambitious, kind, eh etc etc etc we all have our own lists The thing is this "type" that I was so many times attracted to was not for long towards me (which does not mean he was not, it was more that after some short period he was not which gives me hope).

 

And my New Year resolution was to make myself a kind of similar to the type of guy I would like to end up with.

 

I do not want to sound desperate here, esp. with the "to get the guy", I am just ttrying to be simplistic and direct.

 

Do you think it makes sense? I was always geting frustrted with being attractected to guys, and it was not working out so now I am hoping Ii have found the reason why. Hopefully it will make my life nicer and "by the way" help me to perhaps get involved with sb I am attractected to

[teren537]

Hey there, Asiek82 -

It's definitely tough to find the right person that has all the qualities we look for in a significant other and I really hope you find what you're looking for. I think I might have an idea, though, as to why they don't seem to stick around. When we feel like we have to raise ourselves to a certain level to make ourselves attractive to someone else, we set ourselves up for failure every time - for two reasons.

 

1.) We tend to automatically label the other person as slightly better than ourselves.. or maybe I should say, more worthy than ourselves. When we do this we unintentionally start counting up all the reasons we aren't good enough for them and it causes major problems because it causes us to appear needy or demanding.

 

2.) If we have to change who we are on the inside to keep someone around on the outside, that person wasn't meant for us. When we try to "make" ourselves into the person we want to be with, we give them a false sense of who we really are... and as time goes on and the REAL us starts to show through, they realize we really aren't who they thought we were to begin with.

 

I truly believe if you just let go, forget trying to impress anyone and be yourself you will "get the guy". As a guy I can tell you we are drawn to confidence and strong will (at least I am anyway) and when you try to mold yourself into someone else, others can pick up on that and instead of seeing you as confident and interesting they probably see you as someone who doesn't really know themselves and that is a major turnoff in my opinion. Just stay strong, Asiek82 - continue to be the beautiful creature that you are (the person you REALLY are - not the person you think you should be) and you will find that person you are looking for.

[flyoffthewall]

I think that you should aspire to be the person that you most want to be. Are you making changes because you want to have all of those qualities yourself? If so, you will be better off if you put in the work to make those changes. If not, then you should be true to yourself instead of trying to emulate the guys who you want to be with.

[aabbcc]

Teren, I am not trying impress anyone. I think I just put my message in an ambigious way, probably would be clearer if we spoken face to face.

 

I got the impression that you now have a view of me as of a person who reads help self book and does what they say there. I am more like being myself until it hurts and sticking to it. The thing is, I admire certain qualities and thought it may make me happy to develop them myself and by the way I may become more fulfilled in relationshis.

 

I liked certain qualities in guys and I think perhaps I did not have opportunities in the past to work on myself. The qualities I am speaking about is: more patience, more kindness, being more open minded, being more positive. I actually thought about what I have written here yesterday and thought gee maybe if I develop what I like in other I will not be that keen on them haha I mean I will be more like relationship wise independent.

 

I think having these qualities would make me like myself more. As that is the person I would like to be.

[aabbcc]

Flyoffthewall,

I think that you should aspire to be the person that you most want to be.

 

 

That is what I meant above pretty much.

[flyoffthewall]

In that case then, yes, I think that this does make complete sense!