Looking for excuses to touch his arm

[JewelCat]

I know that a girl touching a guys arm is supposed to be a sign of interest. I can think of past experiences when I've (innocently) touched a guy's arm, and it was like a night and day difference. Suddenly, they were really flirty with me, and they'd ask me out soon after. I've been single for 4 years now and I've been trying to get back into dating again for about 2 of those years without much luck.

 

I've been hanging out with a former coworker (now friend) for a while now. I'm interested, and I suspect he is too, but he seems painfully shy. I'm trying to find excuses to touch his arm, but it seems like now that I'm more aware of it being a sign of interest, I freeze up, and spend most of my time hanging out with him with my hands shoved in my pockets. I know this may be a weird question, but what are some reasons to touch his arm? I can't remember why I've done it to other guys in the past, because it always seemed to just happen on its own, even when I wasn't interested.

 

I'm may be seeing this guy on Friday, or sometime soon after, and I'd like to try to be a little more "touchy-feely" around him to gauge his interest.

[Tanzi]

There is a lot to be said for body language and, yes, being touchy-feely can be a sign that someone likes you but I don't think that just by touching his arm he is going to see this as a definate sign that you are interested in him. Firstly, you said he was shy. He will therefore not be able to confidently read your mind just by the mere fact that you have touched his arm. Secondly, you said yourself that you have quite innocently touched someones arm. There is every chance that most people will assume that someone has innocently touched their arm. It might make them wonder but they won't know for sure. If every guy who had touched my arm was interested in me then I should have a queue of guys outside my front door .... but I don't!! Some people are just tactile. In fact by that score does that mean that my ex was interested in the old woman whose arm he openly touched when we were all having a jovial discussion?

 

Take your hands out of your pockets and just relax. Let your overall body language do the talking. Standing there stock still, with your hands in your pockets, too scared to move will give him completely the wrong impression. Just be yourself. If you enjoy each others company then this will show through and the rest will follow on naturally.

[norsewoman]

Mrs. norsewoman approached me in this manner by picking a lint-ball from my sweater...if you're interested in the shy-girl approach.

[PUAtheist]

HA! Well, you can use just about any old reason to touch his arm.

 

The best situation where I like to be touched is when we share a mutual joke and both laugh heartily. When I'm touched on the arm then I somehow take it as encouragement to carry on making her laugh, which gives her plenty more opportunity to touch my arm.

Being touched is definitely very encouraging for a shy guy, I tell you that.

 

Another thing you can try is "accidentally" brushing up against him. Don't worry about it too much, just do it. Guys don't worry about why it happened. If he likes you it will definitely make him think. ...Give him a "slightly too long glance" and a gentle smile a bit later and he'll definitely get your meanings.

 

I tend to go for really shy and reserved Asian girls, and even they do it quite naturally when they're interested.

Your a woman for christ sakes and he likes you, so it should be an easy thing to do.

Just don't worry about it.

 

Good luck !

[PUAtheist]

btw my post was intended to answer the OP directly.

[JewelCat]

Thanks, everyone! I've liked this guy for awhile, and early on I felt like I was doing more of the pursuing (not really dating, just to hang out), but I've backed off quite a bit since January, and now he seems to be making more of an effort to see me. In fact, since the new year, he's invited me out more than I've invited him out, so I guess he at least views me as a friend.

 

I'm not a naturally touchy-feely person, and usually a little anti-social (I'm shy too and sometimes like to be alone). When I know I'm gonna see him, I tell myself I need to break out of the cycle, but can't seem to do it. I feel like I'm freezing up because I'm more aware, or maybe that really is how I behave around everyone normally, I'm not sure.

 

If my pursuing him lead to a good friendship, I'm happy with that, but one of my current co-workers is showing more of an interest in me and I suspect hes going to ask me out real soon. I like him, but I'm more interested in this other shyer guy, and I just wish I had some idea of how he feels about me before going out with this other guy.

[Jake]

I like him, but I'm more interested in this other shyer guy, and I just wish I had some idea of how he feels about me before going out with this other guy.

 

I don't want to alarm you but if this shy guy has any romantic interests involving you and he ends up hearing/ seeing you dating this guy he will automatically assume you weren't interested in him in "that way." Basically he'll think you've always assumed that he's just a friend and most likely then not he will respect your decision to date the other guy and back down completely.

[Jayauntae F.]

I say screw it and just touch it while your talking.

[JewelCat]

I don't want to alarm you but if this shy guy has any romantic interests involving you and he ends up hearing/ seeing you dating this guy he will automatically assume you weren't interested in him in "that way." Basically he'll think you've always assumed that he's just a friend and most likely then not he will respect your decision to date the other guy and back down completely.

 

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. I don't know if I will go out with this new guy for that reason. Plus I feel like I'd be stringing him along if I went out with him while being more interested in someone else. In the past, me getting all touchy without realizing it was like an on switch for guys, which is why I'm looking for excuses to touch him. There's a chance this shy guy could only like me as a friend, but I just want to be sure.

[Jake]

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. I don't know if I will go out with this new guy for that reason. Plus I feel like I'd be stringing him along if I went out with him while being more interested in someone else. In the past, me getting all touchy without realizing it was like an on switch for guys, which is why I'm looking for excuses to touch him. There's a chance this shy guy could only like me as a friend, but I just want to be sure.

 

Yeah I'd suggest gauging the shy guys interest first (since you like him more) and if you find out he only see's you as a friend then you know for sure to move on.

 

Honestly, I've noticed shy guys are really good at knowing when they like someone but they're pretty horrible at showing it and most are dumb as a rock on picking up a women's attraction towards themselves.

 

 

-Jake

[JewelCat]

Honestly, I've noticed shy guys are really good at knowing when they like someone but they're pretty horrible at showing it and most are dumb as a rock on picking up a women's attraction towards themselves.

 

Yeah, I've heard stuff like about shy guys. I've thought of maybe just flat out telling him how I feel, but I worry about that backfiring and scaring him off. Plus, I don't think I can bring myself to do that anyway. I'm gonna call him up tomorrow and see if we can make plans to see each other again soon (meant to do that tonight but some stuff came up). The new guy has been dropping hints that he wants he go out with me, and I'm getting a little nervous about it.

[plop]

OMG I'm in the EXACT same situation as the OP. This shy guy - I think he's interested, I even went over to his place and met his folks and everything, but I don't know if he's interested 100%. And He never EVER makes physical contact unless I do first.

[JewelCat]

OMG I'm in the EXACT same situation as the OP. This shy guy - I think he's interested, I even went over to his place and met his folks and everything, but I don't know if he's interested 100%. And He never EVER makes physical contact unless I do first.

 

We are definitely in the same boat, plop lol I've actually read a couple of your threads for advice because your situation is so similar to mine.

 

So I called the shy a couple hours ago and we're gonna meet up on Friday. Going to the zoo. Still looking for ways to break out of my shell and be a little more touchy with him. Any ideas?

[JewelCat]

Mrs. norsewoman approached me in this manner by picking a lint-ball from my sweater...if you're interested in the shy-girl approach.

 

Thanks! I like that one. I'll be searching for lint when I see him on Friday lol

[Atrium]

We are definitely in the same boat, plop lol I've actually read a couple of your threads for advice because your situation is so similar to mine.

 

So I called the shy a couple hours ago and we're gonna meet up on Friday. Going to the zoo. Still looking for ways to break out of my shell and be a little more touchy with him. Any ideas?

It couldn't possibly be a bad thing touching him: if he likes you he won't mind it at all, if not you can just brush it off as something you unintentionally do all the time (which is semi-true as it is).

[Jake]

We are definitely in the same boat, plop lol I've actually read a couple of your threads for advice because your situation is so similar to mine.

 

So I called the shy a couple hours ago and we're gonna meet up on Friday. Going to the zoo. Still looking for ways to break out of my shell and be a little more touchy with him. Any ideas?

 

 

I know at my local zoo they have a park and if it's a nice day I've noticed alot of people bring picnic blankets and lunch.

 

 

Edit: Just thought up another excuse, when you go visit something "scary" like the dark bat cave exhibit "grab his arm....in fright" as your walking into the exhibit and from there you can slid your hand to where you're holding his hand. (It was a good idea while in my mind I swear....)

[JewelCat]

Edit: Just thought up another excuse, when you go visit something "scary" like the dark bat cave exhibit "grab his arm....in fright" as your walking into the exhibit and from there you can slid your hand to where you're holding his hand. (It was a good idea while in my mind I swear....)

 

Lol Actually I did pretty much exactly that with my last boyfriend, right before we started started dating (I guess I do remember some reasons lol). A group of my coworkers and I went to one of those Halloween mazes. It was the first time I had ever been to one, and I didn't know what to expect so I was terrified. I ran up between two of my male coworkers/friends, and said, "I am so sorry," linked arms with them, and walked through the entire maze like that with my head down. The very next day, one of the guys was like a different person. Very flirty, and asked me out a couple weeks later.

 

I do know of a place at my zoo where I can do something like that, so I'll try to steer him in that direction.

[Jake]

Lol Actually I did pretty much exactly that with my last boyfriend, right before we started started dating (I guess I do remember some reasons lol). A group of my coworkers and I went to one of those Halloween mazes. It was the first time I had ever been to one, and I didn't know what to expect so I was terrified. I ran up between two of my male coworkers/friends, and said, "I am so sorry," linked arms with them, and walked through the entire maze like that with my head down. The very next day, one of the guys was like a different person. Very flirty, and asked me out a couple weeks later.

 

I do know of a place at my zoo where I can do something like that, so I'll try to steer him in that direction.

 

And after go for the picnic perhaps.

Well JewelCat you've got yourself a good idea of what to do then. Remember now, no cat or kitty think Tiger RAWR lol!

 

Goodluck.

 

-Jake