its not the same on the phone

[prettygreeneyes]

i have been speaking to this boy called sam, 17, who lives at the otherside of the country, on the internet for nearly 2 years now. but we really only started getting close when he broke up with his girlfriend of a year. he was really in love with her and was completely heartbroken. he didnt really have anybody else he could talk to about how he felt so he talked to me and told me everything and how he felt. he really leaned on me for comfort and support even though we only spoke on msn and by txt messages, it felt like he really needed me. months went by of us talking everynight and we built up a very close and loving relationship, and once he told me that he thought he actually did love me. this was really special because i knew he only said things if he meant them and it was the first time that i really believed someone when they said that. anyway, i could go on and on about our relationship but i'll get to the point now! after all the time we thought we should try speaking on the phone. but when we do i get all shy and cant think of anything to say. there are long silences and it just doesnt work. its horrible because i know we get on well on the internet. i am a very shy person but i can speak to other people on the phone. i dont understand it. we discussed meeting up but he says if i am like i am on the phone then it will be useless. it is pulling us apart really. why isnt it the same on the phone as it is online? i dont really know what i expect anybody to say to this cos there isnt an answer to the problem that i can think of, so dont worry if u cant think of a reply to this. but its just a problem cos i want to meet him so much but maybe it will be like it is on the phone.

[Colls]

Hey I dont know if I have an answer to your question. But I can tell you that I am in a relationship like you are in now. I met my bf online, we were really good friends for a long time and I helped him when he broke up with his gf. Then we became closer and decided to take it to the next level. So we started talking on the phone and then started dating. I do believe that you can fall in love with someone, even though you have never met them, because I have. The first few times we talked on the phone, I was in fact very shy like you are. I giggled non stop, because I was so nervous. But now its fine and we talk like hes my best friend, well he is my best friend.

 

If you read my other posts, we are having trouble now b/c its hard to be apart and not know what eachother is doing, but for the most part, hang in there. He says he loves you, so if you slip and say something stupid, he is not going to care. Think about it, love sees past all of that. Be yourself, thats who he loves ne ways.

 

Good luck

 

Colls

[aireyc]

Hey,

 

When you're talking online he's real and all, but there is still that barrier. However, once you meet him/talk on the phone several times it will get way easier. It may not seem real at first... it's almost like you're talking to that guy (that you've had a crush on for years) for the first time. You know them but it's the first REAL encounter. I suggest you do meet and hangout for several days, this will make it way better and bring things back together.

 

- Chris

[EmptySoul]

hey i know how that is...it's because on the net well it's just different. if you keep talking it will get easier, and if you meet then talk on the phone too it will get easier.

 

 

EmptySoul

[prettygreeneyes]

thanku colls, chris and emptysoul, ur comments have been very helpful. i will try speaking to him on the phone more often so i am less nervous. i cant wait to meet him, but i think it will be very surreal indeed! i just hope i get over my shyness.

 

tess xx

[hahaha]

this may sound like the stubidest advice ever but i have been thru it and it kinda works...there is this guy who i have been texting for ages, he goes to much school but whever we walk past eachother we both just smaile and go beemer so thats pretty skrewed, then once he foned and we were both a little tipsy (not drunk!) and the conversation flowed freely so that may be a way to help get u talking alittle, just dont get drunk!!!!!1 or 2 beers should do it unless ur a lightweight but living in scotland my guess is that ur not lol also if your gonna meet up do it at night when its dark cos its easier to talk if u know they cant see you blushing k well dont take my advice if u think its dumb xx

[amaranth_04]

Hi,

 

It's probably that way 'cos of nerves; you're so used to typing, it takes a little time to move over. Perhaps the next time you chat on the phone, you could also sign online too, so in those awkward silences, you could type what you're thinking and the conversation will flow. Mostly, you will be thinking something but the nerves prevent you from actually saying it. Take a chance and say it even if it's just to say you're nervous, or that he's got a great voice and it makes you smile etc. And the chat will carry on from there. Howver, you do need broadband to be signed on and use the telephone at the same time.

 

Maybe you could try arranging a timeframe for when you chat on the phone, so you can gauge for yourself how long it will go. Start with shorter ones and think beforehand about what subject you want to talk about, maybe about the recent haircut he's got let's say, he can describe it to you, and you can mention what sort you like etc, you know just little things like that. Soon, you'll be used to talking to him on the phone the way you do online.

 

Good luck.

[prettygreeneyes]

thanks very much u two. i will definitely try ur tips! even ur one about getting a bit tipsy lol

 

tess xx

[addler_747]

I noticed the same thing when we moved from IM to phone... lots of silence and nervous laughter... but by the 3rd conversation, we both finally began showing more of our 'IM selves'. but even then, it took a while before the phone and IM felt the 'same.' It's been several months since our first voice chat, and we've finally had a chance to meet, but now things feel pretty much the same whether it's email, IM, or phone... though the phone has a much higher feeling of intimacy. The real trick is to make sure you are always being honest about the way you present yourself... some people fall in the trap of making their online persona appear slightly different than their real personality...

 

hope you two get to meet soon... if nothing else, it will be an experience you will never forget.

[RagingBull]

My first call was very awkward. I was nervous cause she was really shy. Didn't feel like doing it again, but it was much easier to talk the second time.