Dreaming With A Broken Heart

[ramsickle1369]

How do I let go?

 

I am trying, it's only been a month, but every single day I wake up and have to remind myself he's gone. Depression is clearly there, altho I function just fine (between bouts of tears).

[marshmlofluff]

Hon I'm right there with you. It'll be a month in a couple of days. I find the hardest part is getting over the hump. Getting out of bed and starting the day. It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.

[ben2010]

I know how you feel cause I feel the same way. Every night when I go to sleep the other half of the bed is always empty cause she left me. I keep thinking this is just a dream and I will wake up soon and everything will be normal. After 2 weeks the dream became an reality. I have to face she won't come back anymore.

 

Always remember you not alone.

[justbe]

I have been having dreams that he leaves and i am left there crying trying to hold on. i dont think there is anything that we can do to make the pain go away, until we find the happiness inside of us. it has been 2 weeks since he broke up with me and i cannot stop thinking about it. It is amazing how things can just change in one second and that change can effect everything in our life.

[ramsickle1369]

do you all really believe that happiness is "inside" when your insides feel like they've been ripped out? I like who I am ... no, I LOVE who I am, and I'm willing to bet most of you do, too. It's not like he was the ONLY thing that made me happy, it's that he made everything ELSE FEEL happier... That feeling was inside ME.... I own it. It's MINE. I don't fully believe that in my case that this allusive "happiness" vanishes the second the other half leaves. It's that it makes the happiness somehow less fulfilling.

[justbe]

happiness is inside deep down to me its just clouded with all the muck from the breakup. I feel like im swimming around in there and trying to find a way out again. and since i cant right now it haunts me in my dreams as well as waking state. i know day by day it gets a little better.

[ramsickle1369]

so far for me it doesn't get better. I don't hate myself, I don't dislike myself. But I do feel lost, as in the starting over and "what the heck do I do with myself now" feelings... I really get irritated when people over simplify. Wish I had a mind like that. Just tell myself "It's over, it was what it was, move on, next...." I don't operate that way I guess.

[mattguy]

i thought i was doing better but im a mess again , i spent time with my ex today. thought we could be friends and it was amazing but messed with my head alot. i dont see why we cant get back together, but its his choice...

[ramsickle1369]

i thought i was doing better but im a mess again , i spent time with my ex today. thought we could be friends and it was amazing but messed with my head alot. i dont see why we cant get back together, but its his choice...

 

It sucks to have no choice in the matter. The only way to get the upper hand is to move on, but keep in occasional contact. If spending time together hurts you too much, take some more time to figure it out. That transition is difficult.

[ramsickle1369]

i can't wait till the day when it no longer hurts. when i no longer think of him. no longer ask "why". no longer care.

[JonasWaingaro]

do you all really believe that happiness is "inside" when your insides feel like they've been ripped out? I like who I am ... no, I LOVE who I am, and I'm willing to bet most of you do, too. It's not like he was the ONLY thing that made me happy, it's that he made everything ELSE FEEL happier... That feeling was inside ME.... I own it. It's MINE. I don't fully believe that in my case that this allusive "happiness" vanishes the second the other half leaves. It's that it makes the happiness somehow less fulfilling.

 

I like how you put this. I agree completely. They don't make our happiness they make our happiness better - more fulfilling. A life shared is more fulfilling. I believe that. And I was just where you were 7months ago. I can't even believe it but it's been that long. I hated hearing this back then, but here goes - time heals. hehe

[ramsickle1369]

Thanks Jonas--

So few people get that it doesn't mean I don't love myself. I lerned this weekend something I suppose I always knew "He was never going to love ME." I always wanted to believe that there was some barrier keeping him from loving anyone. I don't know which is true, and it doesn't really matter I suppose. The fact is that he wasn't going to love ME--EVER. I gave four years and everything I had trying to make him happy, believing that somehow it would make him see how wonderful I was and that he'd love me, when he got over his issues. Thing of it is, he never would. Regardless, I hold in my heart all this love that I don't know what to do with. I don't want to pour it into anyone new, either. I don't want to ever love someone that deeply and that completely. Especially someone that will not return it. I always knew it was unrequited--but I couldn't let it go. It's still so very hard.

 

It's been like just over a month now. If he really cared about me at all, he would not have continued for so long, knowing he'd never be able to give what I was begging for. I can't understand what he continued on for? Why that one night (ONE) did he tell me he needed me, please don't go, holding on to me so tightly and tighter as I tried to break free. I was sobbing not wanting to talk about it because I didn't want to go back to being vulnerable. But he made me. And then, a few days later, we were fighting again. He was impossible. And my stupid heart will not let go.

 

I swear the moment I met him I heard a whisper from the heavens, I followed it blindly, believing that it was my road to travel. Even now, I hear it, "hang in there". But now I don't know what it is I'm hearing. Maybe I really am crazy? Thanks ENA, to every kind heart out there. I desperately need you thru this right now. Thank you.

[newlife24]

yea i agree. it hurts like hell when you wake and realize again and again that they aren't there. I broke it off because of his addiction, but its still terribly painful every day. I really thought he was the one for me and now I have to move on, even though I still love him so much.

[ramsickle1369]

I can't believe I have to live thru this. I never wanted him to hate me. I needed him to because I was never going to let go. Never.

[amontalb]

I am in the same boat. Waking up is the hardest part of the day. I hope that some time soon it gets much easier... I pray every day that it will. I think it will though... I hope

[ramsickle1369]

well, this weekend has REALLY opened my eyes. I did some digging about him and confirmed MANY of my suspicions. MANY things that made me Constantly insecure. And rightfully so! I spoke with at least two women he's been doing the same thing to. One just blocked me on FB so I'm guessing she is likely still involved with him and they talked. I know the story--the lines. I've heard it all! And ya know what!? I FEEL FREE! I am FINALLY done with him! (let me remind myself that it's still a long road). But I cannot believe I was so blinded for SO LONG. Dang he's good. He's a messed up individual and all I have to do now is move on with my life and wait for life to kick him in the head, as it always does. Karma's a beitch!