What to do next...

[Johy]

Hi,

I'm 25 yrs old, this last weekend the most dissappointing moment of my life happened. I really need some guidance and advice on where to go.

I gave two years to this man who, we shared a house together.

before us, he had a 6yr relationship, and w/o wasting time we were involved.

We had real good times, we had real bad times, but we had deep loving, I really felt loved, and I really believed this was it for me. We had all those good talks about future, kids, marriage, and life.

We argued plenty but always believed we could work thing out.

I'm more passive, he is very explosive, never phisically aggressive but his temperament is very short. I truly believe he did try to control his temperament sometimes, but it was difficult for him. i always tried to be understanding....but for the past few months anything would trigger an argument.

I moved out two weeks ago, and decided to NC, Several times he called I didn't pick up the phone.

I knew he was already hanging out with his no good friends, doing who knows what, he's a good looking guy, so there is no doubt in my mind of what could happen.

This weekend I broke the rule and picked up the phone when he called, and we set up a date to meet, "to pick up the mail in his house" so he never c/b that night so I went to sleep.

The next day I had a funny feeling and decided to pick the mail up myself, I called when I was at the front door, and painfully found out there was another girl in the house.

This has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and I never thougt that it would.

It's only been one week since we were last together, how can someone else be in my bed, and in the house that I gave so much love to make my home??...

At that moment I was calm and just spoke softly to him and said to forget that i ever existed in his world and to please neved call or look for me again.

I left crying....I now feel that this cannot get any worse..but I don't hate him...I know that he will never look for me again.

I have a great job, live in a nice apt. and have supportive friends, but I still feel alone and very sad, and taken like a fool.

I know we were not oficially together, but does that give him the right to be with someone when he last called me was still telling me that he missed me and wanted to see me?? I think he just got busted trying to start playing games, and I just had that weird feeling...

Please give me some real advice withous sugar coating,

I don't know what to do next....

 

thanks.

Johy

[jasminebose]

Johy,

That sucks. Are you sure the other girl in the house was 'with' him? Not just a friend? Some men seem to get over their girlfriend's by instantly jumping someone else. Its harsh but it may help give you closure, i.e. let you know what type of guy he is. As for what to do now I think you should maintain no contact. Have you made up your mind you don't want him back? I think you just need to rely on your friends and family and keep yourself busy. As much as it hurts now, it will get better.

Good luck

JZ

[Johy]

Johy,

That sucks. Are you sure the other girl in the house was 'with' him? Not just a friend? Some men seem to get over their girlfriend's by instantly jumping someone else. Its harsh but it may help give you closure, i.e. let you know what type of guy he is. As for what to do now I think you should maintain no contact. Have you made up your mind you don't want him back? I think you just need to rely on your friends and family and keep yourself busy. As much as it hurts now, it will get better.

Good luck

JZ

 

Definitely, I asked to come in, because I had this instict that there was something not right, and said " I forgot something in the Cabinet" and he guiltfully said "Jo, is not a good time" and I responded.."you have company..." and he stayed quiet...so tha's when I said what I mentioned earlier.

Everyone tells me thet same but its easier said than done, and of course I still love him, and feel that time is the only guide, and reality sinks in and I feel the need to love myself more than this, so a second chance is very far fetched...

[LukeYLuke]

Hey Johy, this is one of the most painful situations that can arise from being with someone you love sooooo much. However, it is so important, because it has let you know that you need to make a clean brake, its as simple as that. Im saying all this to help me to, i split with my girl of 2 years, an no sooner had we split, she has been sleepin with another guy... i was destroyed when i found out, yesterday, and i to feel very alone. but i cant let it take over me, and neither should you. Plow yourself in to your job or your interests, and the hope is the pain will fade... i hope you are ok and that you become stronger because of it. take care

 

Luke

[Johy]

Hey Johy, this is one of the most painful situations that can arise from being with someone you love sooooo much. However, it is so important, because it has let you know that you need to make a clean brake, its as simple as that. Im saying all this to help me to, i split with my girl of 2 years, an no sooner had we split, she has been sleepin with another guy... i was destroyed when i found out, yesterday, and i to feel very alone. but i cant let it take over me, and neither should you. Plow yourself in to your job or your interests, and the hope is the pain will fade... i hope you are ok and that you become stronger because of it. take care

 

Luke

 

Thanks LukeyLuke,

 

I feel your pain, (literary) and you seem very cool, I know how you felt yesterday, it's still very soon, unfortunately you need to grief to start feeling better. Don't give up, and make sure you don't break the NC rule, if you call it will only get worse, try to heal your wounds and not re-open them, believe me indifference is the best healer,

 

take lots of care and go out and play,

 

Johy.

[Johy]

I know we were not oficially together, but does that give him the right to be with someone when he last called me was still telling me that he missed me and wanted to see me?? I think he just got busted trying to start playing games, and I just had that weird feeling...

Please give me some real advice withous sugar coating,

thanks.

Johy

[amaranth_04]

Hi Johy,

 

Was it more of a break than a break-up.. did you set out any terms before you started NC. Did he know what you were doing.. did he know what you hoped to happen after NC.. it all depends on the reasons for the break, and if it was just a temporary break, the terms.

 

Well, not really whether or not he had a right esp. if the two of you did not set specific terms.. But yes, it's not really nice to have the girl in the house you shared so soon after, when you still have your things over there, and misleading when he had just previously said he misses you. It does not seem that specific terms were set. And if it was a break-up, and you weren't picking up his previous calls, then you can't stop him from moving on.

[Johy]

well, we spoke several times after I moved, I was gone on business for two weeks, and during that time he would call, and I would mentione that maybe this is for the best for both of us, and we might have moved in too soon, and we didn't get to share a normal relationship, I moved in with him, because my parents had to leave as an emergency to my Country, and so one day i had no where to go, and I moved in. and we had been working on his new house for one year, breaking walls, painting, and so forth... After my move from his house we didn't have an official plan of where to go next with our realtionship, but the feelings were there, the need to see each other was still mutual...so wether it was a break or a break up, I don't know because it was too soon to tell...i was letting time take its course, and decided to give him some breathing room, and I guess it backfired on me...what can I do now???