Do some people like drama in a relationship?

[holidaybluze]

I was just wondering if anyone has experienced dating someone that seems to thrive off drama. If there isn't some kind of power struggle or drama in a relationship some people, men and women both seem to get bored.

 

Why do you think that is? Because it is the type of relationship they are used to? I dated someone recently that was always trying to play the upper hand thing. When I was nice he was distant, then when I would get distant he would chase me. I just don't understand people like this.

[doityourself]

Ive never dated anyone like this but my whole family lives off of drama. They will even cause it themselves just to have something to argue, complain, whine about.

[holidaybluze]

Ive never dated anyone like this but my whole family lives off of drama. They will even cause it themselves just to have something to argue, complain, whine about.

Why do you think that is? I like normal.

[Catdancer]

Yes, there are alot of people who live off of drama and turmoil. I've dated one to two like that and it seems that unless there are problems, they get bored and restless. THen they create a bad situation and they are happy again. Doesnt make alot of sense to me and I rose that merry go round for quite a while, until I decided that I'd had enough.

 

Give me calmness, peace, stability and structure anyday.

[holidaybluze]

I guess it isn't an age thing either. The guy I dated was in his 30's and still acting like that. Not a nice way to live and it is not condusive to a long term relationship.

[doityourself]

No its def not an age thing.

 

Some people grew up around that so they expect drama all the time and feel off balance when all is calm.

 

Thats the only reason I can come up with. Im still confused.

[Catdancer]

I guess it isn't an age thing either. The guy I dated was in his 30's and still acting like that. Not a nice way to live and it is not condusive to a long term relationship.

 

Nope, age has nothing to do with it. Dated a 38 year old that did the same thing. I think some people are just attracted to problems.

[orchidrose]

I'm one of those dramatic relationship people.

 

In most cases, it's because that's what the person is comfortable with. It's what they grew up around, so they (often subconsciously) try to put themselves in similar situations over and over again. It's a tough habit to break.

[holidaybluze]

I am never going to get involved with anyone like that again. I don't want to be in a state of constant turmoil. Literally one minute everything is ok and the next it's not. Triggered by something that seems insignificant.

[holidaybluze]

I'm one of those dramatic relationship people.

 

In most cases, it's because that's what the person is comfortable with. It's what they grew up around, so they (often subconsciously) try to put themselves in similar situations over and over again. It's a tough habit to break.

It's almost like they are happier in the relationship if they are unsure or insecure about it. That somehow makes it more exciting? Like having to constantly chase someone. I can maybe understand that in the very beginning of relationship but not with two people who have been dating for some time.

[ElChup]

I think this often depends on how a person is brought up. My parents are like this. If there's no drama then they don't have much else to talk about these days. I hated it and wanted to get away from it. Yet, the first year of the first serious relationship I had I found that I was subconsciously creating drama between my girlfriend and I. I hated the fact that I had, in fact, become a milder version of my parents. It took a while to adapt myself to a new way of living, and I will confess that for a while it felt a little bit weird without the drama.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Some people create drama to fill a role that they need to be in.

 

The victim. The martyr. The responsible one. 'Mother knows Best" types. etc.

 

Some people even create drama so that they can diffuse it and prove to other people that they aren't dramatic people.

[orchidrose]

It's almost like they are happier in the relationship if they are unsure or insecure about it. That somehow makes it more exciting? Like having to constantly chase someone. I can maybe understand that in the very beginning of relationship but not with two people who have been dating for some time.

 

For me, that's not it at all. I'm miserable when I'm insecure or unsure about my relationship, though I often subconsciously create the drama that leads to that. Like I said, in many cases, this behavior is subsconscious. I'm not looking to create trouble. I say something that I know will start a fight and immediately regret it.

[shes2smart]

Do some people like drama in a relationship?

 

Yes.

 

If you look at things like movies, TV, fairy tales, love songs -- stuff pretty much all of us are exposed to growing up -- most romantic tales have some drama involved. I think most people get some of their early ideas about how the boy-girl stuff works from these sources without even realizing it. When you're a kid...and even into young adulthood...most of us don't know how to filter and question the ideas that are presented to us. We tend to accept them without critical thought (because, really, how much 'critical thought' is a 5 or 6 year old watching "Cinderella" capable of?)

 

If you look at it that way, it's not much of a stretch to see how "drama" can be linked with and confused with "love."

 

I think most of us have to deal with a few rounds of being with (or being) a Drama Queen or Drama King before we realize that it's not fun to live on the rollercoaster. Some people take longer to learn that lesson than others.

 

However, some people get enough positives out of living from one crisis to the next that they keep making choices and taking actions that keep the drama going. F'rinstance, for someone who likes and wants attention, being a Drama Queen or Drama King will certainly get you attention. Much like marketing people who believe "there is no such thing as bad publicity," some folks who like drama believe "there is no such thing as negative attention." You can drive folks like that bananas by ignoring them....and have a front row seat for entertainment when they double their efforts to get your attention with more drama.

[doityourself]

I think this often depends on how a person is brought up. My parents are like this. If there's no drama then they don't have much else to talk about these days. I hated it and wanted to get away from it. Yet, the first year of the first serious relationship I had I found that I was subconsciously creating drama between my girlfriend and I. I hated the fact that I had, in fact, become a milder version of my parents. It took a while to adapt myself to a new way of living, and I will confess that for a while it felt a little bit weird without the drama.

 

I totally agree with this, growing up in a drama filled house it took me a while and a couple arguments over little piddly things to realize that it doesnt always have to be that way.

[mfan]

It's almost like they are happier in the relationship if they are unsure or insecure about it. That somehow makes it more exciting? Like having to constantly chase someone. I can maybe understand that in the very beginning of relationship but not with two people who have been dating for some time.

 

I think some women seek out relationships like this because it makes their life seem like a "Sex and the City" episode which they sort of fantasize about being part of. They may say they don't like games, but truth is, they are bored without them and wish their lives were more like a TV show.