Lost Best Friend of Seven Years

[nm10465]

This is a pretty long, complex story but I will try my best... My best friend and I have not spoken for over 6 weeks. We have been best friends for seven years and this loss is worse than what I am going through with my ex-boyfriend.

It all started when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I was/am taking the brake up really bad, and I was majorly depressed for about a month straight. I wouldn't eat, smile or anything. My friend stuck by me the first 2 months... she was there 5 minutes after him and I broke up, and never left my side.

After 2 months, she noticed a change in me. I was more cynical and just didn't care about anything anymore. I stopped going to school and began to drink more often than I used to. She didn't call me for a week, and basically told me that she couldn't handle me going in a downward spiral, because I was occupying too much of her time, and she was making herself upset by thinking about me too much. After this argument we reconciled and everything was ok. About 2 weeks later a mutual good friend of our's ( we will call her E) got engaged. Now, E is also friends with my ex-boyfriend. i called E to congratulate her, and all was well between us. About one week later I had found out that E had invited everyone out to go and celebrate, I was hwoever not invited. To this day I have no clue as to what happened between E and I, and I am too stubborn to confront it. E and I have also been friends for 7 years and were close. I think it has something to do with the ex-boyfriend but I don't know. When I found out about this party, I asked my best friend why I wasn't invited. And her callous response was "That is something between you and E, I didn't invite people so I had nothing to do with it, you just put me in a weird position by asking me that." Which lead me to believe that my best friend knew something and was not telling me. Which is pretty messed up, considering she was my supposed "best friend" I dont know what to do though. My birthday is tomorrow, and both her and I take birthdays very seriously. If we dont get phone calls for our birthdays, we dont speak to those peple. I dont know what to do if she doesn't call. Should I confront her aboutt everything? I am soo devestated about the whole situation. She is like a sister to me, and this is killing me. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated

Thanks,

Nadia

[amaranth_04]

Hi there,

 

I'll give my view on how I see it, pls don't take it personally, it is only an observation, not to cause offence.

 

I feel the situation is being blown out of proportion a little. What clued me in is the part where u said :

both her and I take birthdays very seriously. If we dont get phone calls for our birthdays, we dont speak to those peple

 

That seems a bit immature to me. And it was reflected again when you confronted your best friend about your other friend's invitation. She was right in saying what she did. Your other friend is friends with you and your ex. Perhaps she did not want to call both of you to the same party in case things got weird. You should ask her directly if you want to know why you weren't invited. It is up to her tho if she wishes to keep in touch with your ex. If you can't handle that, then best to just stay away. You shouldn't put others on the spot.

 

When you're feeling down, of course you look to those closest to you to give you comfort. But be careful not to vent all that has happened to you on them, they did not break up with you.

 

- she noticed a change in me

- she couldn't handle me going in a downward spiral

 

You said she was there for you two months straight, but you can't drag yourself down and her with you. She is there to help you out, but you owe it to yourself to do the hard work of keeping yourself together.

 

If you want to call your best friend, do so. Instead of confronting, just be open. Discuss your concerns matter-of-factly, instead of handling things in a tit for tat fashion. Whatever she does, you can choose to hold up your end of the friendship, and by being there for you two months straight, she has. If you can have an open adult discussion with her, have it. If not, just leave it be.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

I feel your friendship needs some fresh breazze. Where is the fun? I think that's what you best firend is missing. That's why she is pulling out. She can be there supportive for a while but suddenly she runs out of energy.

 

Ultimatums, confronting and arguments are not really the core for a friendship. These are "controlling" elements which destroy the fun and pleasure of being together.

 

Get back on track and for a moment, simply think about what she needs rather than what you need.

 

As for the party you are not invited to, it could simply be that your ex will be there and they did not want to create an awkward situation.

 

Let go and focus on fun. This will bring back your friend

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach