GIVING SOME PEOPLE A LITTLE BIT OF HOPE- A positive tale.

[Spartan1]

Some of you may remember me. Probably no one does but I just wanted to stop by and give some of you some hope anyway. Sometimes people do get back together. This post is not an advocate for ditching the NC rule. It is not an advocate for anything, it is just a personal experience that may help you keep your mind strong and your emotions in check through the tough times all of you are going through. Especially if you are seperating and have kids involved and you would do anything to get back together.

 

Anyway, met a wonderful woman named G. Very pretty, down to earth and fun to be with as well as intelligent. We got on very well from the start, she is 35 with a young son of nine years. She had split from her husband and her friend L had brought her along to a charity Ceroc event (ceroc is a man led, jive type of partner dance). We chatted, got on well and it turned out she liked me enough to go out on a date which I found out via a third party. Anyway, with her ex she is on good terms, she has known since she was a teenager so it must be absolutely heart breaking what she went through when they broke up.

 

Following week, she comes to ceroc and has a great time, we talk, we dance and I asked her out for a drink next week. She says yes, we exchange numbers.

 

This Saturday just gone I went with two mates out of on the town. Originally we were going to McNeills in Beckenham but it changed last minute and the lads wanted to go to Bromley instead, to stop by a Wine Bar and on to a nightclub.

 

Walking into the Wine Bar I was absolutely stunned to see G there with her friend, talking to some men. Out of politeness I went over to say hello and could sense straight away things were a bit awkward for her. We said our hello's and then I asked my friends what they wanted to do. They said to stay around for another round of drinks then on to the nightclub.

 

G disappeared for some time and I was a bit confused why. Anyway, I told her friend what us lads were doing, so she knew where we were so that if they wanted to join us they could or more importantly if they wanted to avoid us they could as well and continue their girlie night uninterrupted.

 

When G came back, I said goodbye, told her what we were doing and wished her a good night. Late when we were finishing our round I got a text from her saying "sorry, feel a bit awkward, here with the ex, will chat tomorrow". I sent a reply back saying, dont feel awkward, just go out and have a good time.

 

We go on to the nightclub and I spend half the night trying to dodge these two mingers who were really rough. They were up for sex but there was no way I was going there. I just cannot do sex for sex sake at the moment and if I do it will be with someone I fancy. Anyway, I kinda felt odd chatting up women when I had a date for next week.

 

Next morning I got a text.

 

"Hi Spartan, really sorry again about last night. V awkward, have had peace talks with ex, and have decided to give it a another try, so will not be able to go for a drink. Really, really sorry, c u soon, G x"

 

I stared at the text for a long time. That sense of complete loneliness came back. But, at the same time I was really happy for G, especially happy for her son and in a strange way happy for her ex. Maybe I was thinking about how much I would of loved my ex to get back with me and felt some kind of kinship with her ex even though we never met. I sent her text back:

 

"I truly hope everything works out for both of you. U r an amazing lass and your ex is very lucky to be with u. I was really lookin forward to taking you out for a romantic meal. I hope things workout and I admire u 4 trying to make things work, if they dont, u know where I am. I am not used to talking by text so please forgive me if I dont convey what i am trying to say very well! I always prefer chatting over the phone. Spartan xxx"

 

And that's it. If ever you need hope that another chance is there. This is it. It happens.

 

So now, I continue doing my daily press ups, stomach crunches, pushing the iron down the gym, going out socialising and putting a smile on my face. In some small way, maybe I helped her back on course. Maybe she realised just how special her ex was (compared to me and other guys lol) and their relationship is worth working on after all. If I did help. That makes me happy. Sure, I would love to date her but you cannot go through life being selfish. This is about G and her ex and about their family. The world is a big and a wonderful place and I witnessed what can happen. It is possible to get back with your ex. It maybe rare, but it happens.

 

Over the last few months. My joy is helping everyone else out, friends and strangers. Maybe, just maybe someone will come my way. Who knows.

 

So all you fathers and mothers out there who see your ex because of the children, keep it friendly, maybe, just maybe your ex may change their mind. Everyone goes through the hating the ex phase, but that's it, it is a phase for some people. There is no guarantee things will work if you do get back together but who knows?

 

Stay on course. Stay calm. Keep a smile. They may come back to you.

 

Wishing everyone luck.

 

Spartan.

[majord23]

Spartan,

I'm so sorry that things didn't work out in this instance....but as sorry as I am, I am moreso impressed (blown away in fact) by your ability to put things into perspective and see this from the other side.

 

You're able to see that G is someone that could very well have been someone posting here because of her situation.

 

I have no doubt that there are people on the board that will take loads of comfort from your story.

 

Thanks for sharing it mate...kudos to you!

[sweetharmony]

what a wonderful post. thank you for sharing your insight. i think that was really strong and admirable that you see your situation in a positive light. i remember a post last week where people talked about unselfish love and letting another go so that they can be happier w/ someone else. your situation proved that you are unselfish and you were looking in her best interest. esp. where children are involved-

 

i think that marriage is a contract for life and that two people should try as hard as possible to stay together and work on their differences- obviously some may be irreconcilable- addictions, domestic abuse, infidelity (and the other person cannot work on the issues), etc... but otherwise, esp. if there is a child involved they should work it out.

 

I commend you for realizing the importance of this woman trying to work on things with her ex and stepping back to let her do the best thing. it seems you did the right thing. and it's great that exes can try and work things out.

[fantasia2004]

can't this apply to both groups whether married or not?

[Spartan1]

can't this apply to both groups whether married or not?

 

I don't know. I expect so.

[sweetharmony]

yes, reconciling with exes can happen whether married or not. i just think when a marriage contract is involved and esp. there are kids inolved, the investment was much greater and thereforeeee the two people should try and resolve their differences. But there are people who have invested love and ime into a relationship- i mean I know people who've dated for 6 years and people who met and were married and divorced within two years. so whch was the greater investment? it really depends on the couple, how close they were, the love involved, athe desire to work it out and the communication. the 6 year relationship could have more potential or the two year marriage. every relationship is different and really, it's the willingness of both people that will truly make the difference.

[ForAnother]

Even though i am a young one, i too was touched by your story. Let me think "maybe I should think on the other side of things too!"

 

Thanks again

 

ForAnother